That's much nicer.
Made me smile.
Though my version of the last joke would have been he caught looting a balaclava to loot another shop.
Smash and Grab! Page 2
Thanks AJGO, yes names are bad was told to make them funny and modern.
The reason Dazz had the balaclavas was the 'blackberry' the news talks of the amazing amount of instant communication through these devises! hence he was ready I thought that was a better line out of all?
Yes getting there.
Meanwhile the backlash goes international as a mountaineering team is arrested in the Himalayas for being English and wearing balaclavas. Daz says they have been stitched up.
Yes Sooty but did'nt want overlong tried to be 'snappy'? or is that wrong?
Yes Marc brilliant! I imagine him there saying ' Get your Sound of Music DVD's here!'
LOL
looting and shooting and smashing in winders
Turning a store to a pile of old cinders
Doing a jewellers and nicking the bling's
Just a few of my favourite tings!
Meanwhile the backlash continues in the Middle East and Ruth Kelly's Bedroom
Later that night Lambrina and Cidre meet another seedy character;
Cidre; 'Look at him with a posh notebook'
Lambrini; 'Yes, he should be careful lots of criminals about'
Cidre; 'Er excuse me I think you should put that away mate'
Man opposite looks up.
He replies; 'No worry I have security from Scotland Yard'.
Lambrini; 'How come?'
Man opposite; ' I usually travel first class, but my secretary messed up. anyway, I usually stay in London'
Cidre; 'Do you live there?'
Man; 'Only when needed, I have a house there and in Manchester, in fact just re-decorated Didsbury pied-a-tare'
Lambrina; 'That's posh you must earn a bit!'
Man; 'I get perks, free 2nd home, secretary is my wife, lots of holiday jaunts
even fiddled some expenses!'
Cidre; ' Blimey sounds a bit wrong man'
Man; ' No all legal when you are an MP' he says smugly.
Girls get off train disgusted and angry.
Cidre;' That is bloody criminal'
Cidre; 'Blimey that's crooked man'
A bit too much on the nose.
But the idea of a looting MP is plenty sweet.
I think if you can find a way that we can see without him explaining all the better.
Perhaps he comes out of Tescos with a bag full of tampons and kitkats and says "it's less fuss than putting in a receipt"
or he stands outside Currys whilst his secretary/wife loots it for him and his son/chief researcher takes a shit in Lidl.
Thanks Sooty, do'nt think I am as good at this than I thought!
Have you tried and failed? I feel tired and cannot think of anything funny right now! but will try.
Quote: Marc P @ August 20 2011, 9:55 AM BSTLOL
looting and shooting and smashing in winders
Turning a store to a pile of old cinders
Doing a jewellers and nicking the bling's
Just a few of my favourite tings!Meanwhile the backlash continues in the Middle East and Ruth Kelly's Bedroom
Marc you are a songwriter please believe!
You should write a character based on yourself, trying to smash her PC to loot
e-bay.
Ooh nice one you write that sketch Jack.
Something like
MUM
Tyrone why's our PC's screen smashed up.
TYRONE
I was trying to loot ebay.
Quote: dellas @ August 20 2011, 11:30 AM BST
Don't tell AJGO! And twas your idea!
Quote: dellas @ August 20 2011, 11:30 AM BST
Have you tried and failed? I feel tired and cannot think of anything funny right now! but will try.
Don't be silly this sketch has improved exponentially and I'd say it's worth sending it off to News Revue.
And I've failed more times than a blind, kamikaze taking his pilots license.
I'd say if you're serious ask yourself the 3 following questions
How would an MP loot a shop?
Why would an MP loot a shop?
What would they steal?
How would they get away with it?
Blimey that is praise thanks Sooty, it does encourage me to keep trying, it is a scary thing 'critique' do you agree?, I admire anyone who tries to promote their ideas on there.
Quote: Marc P @ August 20 2011, 11:37 AM BST
Don't tell AJGO! And twas your idea!
'Just a few' line doesn't scan 
Quote: sootyj @ August 20 2011, 11:37 AM BSTDon't be silly this sketch has improved exponentially and I'd say it's worth sending it off to News Revue.
And I've failed more times than a blind, kamikaze taking his pilots license.
Agreed, and agreed!
Really do like the world you've created, loads more stuff you can do