Trekkie sketch

I like the idea of a simple set-up where basically my girlfriend comes in and I'm doing something stupid, as in the 'Video Conferencing' sketch. Mostly because it's easy to film. Here's another. I imagine it will be much funnier acted out than on the page. Any suggestions welcomed:

JAMES IS DRESSED UP LIKE MR. SPOCK: BLUE OVER BLACK T-SHIRT, TIN-FOIL LOGO AND SLEEVE STRIPES, PLASTICINE EARS. WE HEAR STAR-TREK SFX IN THE BACKGROUND. JAMES IS DRINKING A BEER AND IS DRUNK.

FX: SHIP’S COMMUNICATOR. INTO SLIM STANDALONE MICROPHONE:

JAMES:
Uhura to the bridge please. You know what I want Uhura. I might only be half human but I’m feeling fine. I’m partying like it’s 2284.

RO ENTERS

RO:
What are you doing?

JAMES:
Nothing.

PAUSE. INTO MICROPHONE:

Belay that order.

RO:
Why are you dressed up like Captain Kirk?

JAMES:
It’s not Kirk, it’s Spock.

RO:
Dr Spock then.

JAMES:
Mr. Spock.

RO:
I thought you didn’t even like Star Trek.

JAMES:
It’s alright.

RO:
That’s what you’ve been doing every weekend, isn’t it? Going to Star Trek conventions. I thought you were having an affair. Is this what you’ve been doing?

JAMES:
They’re not ‘conventions.’ It’s just hanging out with my mates. In deep space.

RO:
I came to get my coat. I don’t want to see you dressed up like Captain Picard when I get back. How can you expect me to have sex with you after seeing you like this?

JAMES:
Alright, alright. I’d take it off, obviously.

RO
Ok.

JAMES:
None tonight then…? No, I’ve spoilt it. Ok. Maybe just once though… (HOLDS UP TREK COSTUME) Or I could paint you green.

RO LEAVES.

RO ENTERS. JAMES AUTOMATICALLY PICKS UP HIS PHASER AND POINTS IT AT RO.

RO:
My coat’s in here.

JAMES:
You’re lucky, that was set to kill.

ENDS

James, I've recently been told that the characters must be introduced at the begining would you agree with this premise.

Nice sketch James ... reads well on the page and I can visualise you acting it out having seen the video conf sketch. I would shoot it pretty much as you've written it. Same location as the video conf sketch. I don't think it needs anything else. If you did as well as you did in the other one I think I'd be laughing! Also, your girlfriend doing the same dead pan style she did in the other one would work fine I reckon!

Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 7, 2008, 6:25 PM

James, I've recently been told that the characters must be introduced at the begining would you agree with this premise.

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In what sense? As almost a stage direction to set the scene, e.g.: 'JAMES, A YOUNG MALCOLM HARDEE LOOKALIKE, WHO TALKS IN A BRUMMIE ACCENT, SITS AT HIS DESK'...? Or in the actual dialogue?

With both, I'd say: introduce etc. as little as possible, but enough that the piece is understood. As people are familiar with me and Ro from the previous sketch no character intro. is needed - and I'll be filming it myself at some point.

Quote: Frankie Rage @ January 7, 2008, 6:32 PM

Nice sketch James ... reads well on the page and I can visualise you acting it out having seen the video conf sketch. I would shoot it pretty much as you've written it. Same location as the video conf sketch. I don't think it needs anything else. If you did as well as you did in the other one I think I'd be laughing! Also, your girlfriend doing the same dead pan style she did in the other one would work fine I reckon!

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Cheers Rage.
Incidentally, 'Manchester United are playing at home' and Ro (my consequently emotional girlfriend) actually cried the other day after reading posts that said she couldn't act! So that positive for her was nice. (Not trying to guilt anyone btw. Of course I was supportive: 'but they did say you're fit darling.' 'Oh, is that all I am, is it?' 'Pretty much. Works for me though' etc.)

Well, for me the dead pan thing she did worked well. I don't know if either of you has acted in front of camera before or not, but the point is that for me anyway (and surely others) there was a hint of on screen chemistry between you guys in the Vid Conf sketch that has now got me wanting to see you make the Trekkie one!

I don't normally like 'repeating scenarios' sketches but her keeping finding you in 'situations' has more merit than many, not in part because of the quality of the sketches and complementary performances.

Maybe do three in the bedroom if you can think of another funny one (the old rule of three) then a change of location I reckon! If I were you I'd be dead excited with having got these two sketches written and that sketch up on video!!!

I'm excited and it's not even my stuff!!!

I'd like to see this done and, yep, pretty much agree with Frankie. Sounds good. Do it!

I just read the criticisms of the Vid Conf sketch then watched it again...

Look, she does a great job in the sketch ... I concentrated on just her performance, it works!!!

I still think your dialogue needs very minor trimming to make it ever so slightly shorter (not wholesale cutting) but both performances worked really well.

Have you thought of doing a MODERN DAY I hasten to repeat MODERN DAY 'Some Mothers Do have 'em' type scenario with these two characters?

There are loads of new situations this guy could get into...

Quote: James Williams @ January 7, 2008, 6:46 PM

In what sense? As almost a stage direction to set the scene, e.g.: 'JAMES, A YOUNG MALCOLM HARDEE LOOKALIKE, WHO TALKS IN A BRUMMIE ACCENT, SITS AT HIS DESK'...? Or in the actual dialogue?

With both, I'd say: introduce etc. as little as possible, but enough that the piece is understood. As people are familiar with me and Ro from the previous sketch no character intro. is needed - and I'll be filming it myself at some point.

Cheers Rage.
Incidentally, 'Manchester United are playing at home' and Ro (my consequently emotional girlfriend) actually cried the other day after reading posts that said she couldn't act! So that positive for her was nice. (Not trying to guilt anyone btw. Of course I was supportive: 'but they did say you're fit darling.' 'Oh, is that all I am, is it?' 'Pretty much. Works for me though' etc.)

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She may not be able to act, but don't give up hope. That's what Hollyoaks is for. If you can't make em laugh, at least you can make em cry. Nice to see you've taken on the Malcolm Hardee moniker too. As Malcolm would say 'oi oi'

You're strange beasts those of you stating that the girl can't act. I looked closely at her facial expressions and body language throughout her on screen time and it looked like acting to me!

I clearly know f**k all then!

I had suspected that!

Hollyoaks! How could you?

She'll be mortally wounded by that, poor kid!

Good sketch, made me laugh. Think the ending could be better: more panicky -- trying to hide the phaser and/or coming up with a more ridiculous excuse as to why it's pointed at her when she comes back in, but still a good job.

Dan

I really enjoyed this, and I loved the last line. The only comment I would make is that lines like this...

"How can you expect me to have sex with you after seeing you like this?"

...are a little on the nose. I'm unconvinced a woman would spell it out that clearly (and trust me, I've met dozens). There's a way to spell out the message without being so blatant about it I think.

Other than that, go shoot the thing. Looking forward to seeing it.

Here's the link:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MZNmkzLJGI8

Outtakes: http://youtube.com/watch?v=6fTLuxq8Ngk
for those with more time to spare than sense!

You definately improve your sketches by acting them out James. Developing a very funny style. Reminds me a bit of Operation Good Guys.

Well done James. Watched the link before reading the sketch and glad I did. It was really well acted by both parts, and it made me laugh. The line "It’s just hanging out with my mates. In deep space" was really well timed. Keep it up, and Ro did look hot!

And she DID say conventions!