Hi folks, the last few days I've written a new fifteen minutes - I have a gag-gag-gag set for those audience vote gong type shows - but for the more relaxed open mics I wanted a set that wasn't as reliant on punchlines that deserve drumkit rimshots.
Anyway, heres a 60 second bit from it that I keep reading and hoping nothing comes off as crass or potentially racist. It's a genuine observation of mine, but I do worry as I've not yet said this to a room, and being accused of something that I'm not is a headache I'm not prepared to risk.
What d'you think? I appreciate your gut reaction.
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(*There's a harmless joke which leads, something like...*)
I'd like to do a spot of observational humour now..... Y'know how, how when you visit London for the first time, right? And you go to a brothel and you pay for a threesome but halfway through the pimp runs in, chloroform gags you and steals your wallet and your clothes...... That's so annoying, isn't it? Happens to me every time.
(*Which moves into the bit I'm wary off...*)
Something that's starting to annoy me, I was brought up on a council estate... and, couldn't help but notice... white teenagers trying to speak in what they percieve to be 'black speak' . Posing on facebook giving American gang signs, adding the letter Z to every capitilized word.... The true hallmark of a gangster - A Facebook account!
[Typing on keyboard, slowly]
My - Favouritest - Book - Is - Errrrrr - My - Favouritest - Song - Is - By - Dr - Dre - I - Have - Watched - Boyz n' The Hood - Two - Times - And - I - Think - I - May - Have - Misunderstood - It's - Message - Here - Is - A - Pic - LOL [I act out taking a pic with a phone from an high angle] I - IS - KICKIN - IT - FORREAL - ''SEND''
I saw one on Jeremy Kyle... he says "Aiight" and then this stupid f**k, bumped fists with the other guest ''sappenin''... Seriously? Are you f**king kidding me? Kyle says to him... "So, Keith, why did you punch your mum in the face" He says "You don't understand... I'm from the street, innit?" HAHA! From the street? You're from Wigan!! WESTWOOD IN DA HOUSE!! WHO BY THE WAY, WAS THE SON OF A VICAR!!
F**king Ali G needs a DNA test.... Kyle should've told him the basics first - The dna test results reveal..... You're white! And, You're about as 'gangsta' as Ronald McDonald. Why doesn't someone just be straight with 'em: "Look, Keith, I know you enjoy American rap music. I enjoy American rap music too. I'm sure you've traced the evolution of Jazz slang, Blues Idioms and infused it with with some Raggae infection but I have some news to spread: You and your white boy buddies are NOT brothers in an historical context of slaves uniting in solidarity against the white man... And PS: a council estate is NOT a ghetto, so pull your pants up, straighten your baseball cap AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
Although, the irony, I'm watching Keith and thinking, ''I pity the fool.''
(*This then leads back into another harmless one* )
"I'd really like to settle down and have kids, soon..... That's why now I only date the kind of woman who I honestly feel, I would beat in a custody battle....... Schrizophrenics, Junkies, my solicitor'll crush the lot of them! The kids are staying with me!"
(*And then on with the rest of the routine*)
