British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 488

Quote: DaButt @ August 13 2011, 1:55 AM BST

Ok, so you're one of those kooks. I can accept that and won't bother with the wink-wink-nudge-nudging because there is no point in tiring myself out with all that winking and nudging.

Me too.

McCartney though - surely it's obvious? Jane Asher knew, that's why she dumped the imposter. And that's the real reason why the Beatles split.

Quote: Leevil @ August 13 2011, 2:01 AM BST

That was for you benefit! In my slightly intoxicated way I suddenly became paranoid that if I mentioned vacuum that you would as a johnny foreigner would assume I was talking about some sort of large metal vat that extracted all the air from itself.

Hoovering = vacuuming
Washing up = washing the dishes
Jelly = Jello
Boot = trunk
bonnet = hood
biscuit = cookie
Pants = underwear
Fanny = vagina
Fag = cigarette

Can Aaron add these to the automagic spelling "correction" that the site already forces upon us? ;)

Quote: DaButt @ August 13 2011, 2:09 AM BST

Dishwasher = washing the dishes

Caveman!

Whistling nnocently

Quote: Leevil @ August 13 2011, 2:11 AM BST

Caveman!

Whistling nnocently

I howled the first time I visited and bought a bottle of washing up liquid.

Homie don't spoil his soft skin by immersing it in vile chemicals.

Quote: zooo @ August 13 2011, 1:54 AM BST

Where do you stand on the moon landing?

Er...on the moon I guess.

Nah, seriously, I've watched a lot of stuff about th moon-landing, and I think it was faked, yes. Did you see the clips I posted a few weeks ago? Do you know what the Van Allen Radiation belt is? Apparently no human could survive passing through it, but Armstrong etc supposedly did. Also, what's the deal with the same hills appearing in the background of different location shots? Oh, and do you know about the Stanley Kubrick connection?

Quote: catskillz @ August 13 2011, 2:17 AM BST

Do you know what the Van Allen Radiation belt is? Apparently no human could survive passing through it, but Armstrong etc apparently did.

Come to the States and I'll introduce you to people who did.

Quote: catskillz @ August 13 2011, 2:17 AM BST

Apparently no human could survive passing through it

It's a conspiracy. Seriously, have you researched this yourself? I've never heard it questioned before, not even when scientists are pondering future space travel.

Quote: catskillz @ August 13 2011, 2:17 AM BST

Oh, and do you know about the Stanley Kubrick connection?

That he made Armstrong do the 'one small leap' bit for 89 takes? Overran on the budget and angered Stephen King in the process?

Far more intresting than the theory America faked landing on the moon is the theory the Russians pretended to have NOT landed on it first.

James Cameron's gonna make a film on the moon one day. That'll show you.

Speaking of washing up, I get to see my adorable grandson 12 hours from now. I'm going to teach his parents to wash him in an appropriate receptacle.

Image

Jews are responsible for all the world's wars, get that speeding ticket
away from me!

Quote: DaButt @ August 13 2011, 2:26 AM BST

Speaking of washing up, I get to see my adorable grandson 12 hours from now. I'm going to teach his parents to wash him in an appropriate receptacle.

Image

Nice product placement in the background there ;)

He's working for 'The Man' people!

Seriously though, cute kid.

Quote: DaButt @ August 13 2011, 2:26 AM BST

Speaking of washing up, I get to see my adorable grandson 12 hours from now. I'm going to teach his parents to wash him in an appropriate receptacle.

I see they've washed the Coke cans. They must've seen that Mythbuster's episode too.

Quote: Leevil @ August 13 2011, 2:29 AM BST

I see they've washed the Coke cans. They must've seen that Mythbuster's episode too.

The photo was taken at his grandparents' house in California; those hippies are all about recycling. Here in Texas we fill our discarded Coke cans with the dreams of illegal immigrants and then stomp them into oblivion before using them to choke the life out of hummingbirds and other innocent creatures.

We put em in plastic boxes. Cans that is, not immigrants. Our immigrants go in things called Council Houses.

Quote: Leevil @ August 13 2011, 2:35 AM BST

Our immigrants go in things called Council Houses.

But you still melt them down and collect a few quid for the raw materials, right?

The Moon-landing hoax goes deep, deep into all sorts of occult shit. For example, did you know that both Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were Freemasons? Freemasons are meant worship Satan (at the top level, not the average guys like my Grandfather and Great Grandfather, who make up the majority), supposedly getting up to all sorts of sick shit, e.g. sodomising little boys in the hope that it will help them live longer? Anyway, the conspiracy theorists reckon the Freemasons were deeply involved in the moon hoax, and Aldrin even sent them a little coded message from the "surface", when he used a 6-iron golf club to hit a ball for the camera and needed three swings before he hit it. Three swings of a 6-iron = 666. Crazy, I know.

By the way, did you know that the most famous Freemason in America, a man called Albert Pike, was also the founder of the KKK? The top level of Freemasonry is the 33rd Degree, 33 = 3 times 11, and the eleventh letter of the alphabet is K, so KKK = 3 times 11, which takes you back to 33.

Oh, and the Washington monument is exactly 666 feet tall. Most people don't know this, because part of it is underground, making it appear smaller. That and the fact that they've got social lives that are more exciting than mine, obviously.

My percentage has just risen 80%.

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