British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 3,966

Chip's on a Technology Diet and is rationing his use of phones and the internet.

Quote: David Bussell @ August 12 2011, 9:05 AM BST

Heading home from Edinburgh now. Hoping my house and wife weren't burnt down in the riots.

She didn't cme with to support you?

Quote: sootyj @ August 12 2011, 9:58 AM BST

She didn't cme with to support you?

She did for the first weekend but then I had to dispatch her to Hackney for riot control.

Quote: chipolata @ August 12 2011, 9:53 AM BST

Chip's on a Technology Diet and is rationing his use of phones and the internet.

Not enough?

Quote: David Bussell @ August 12 2011, 10:03 AM BST

She did for the first weekend but then I had to dispatch her as part of my hilarious projector and now murder based routine

Your a cold bastard Bussell in pursuit of your comedy goals

Quote: Tuumble @ August 2 2011, 9:52 PM BST

http://www.peterboroughtoday.co.uk/news/traffic-transport/latest-travel/driver_killed_in_crash_on_dangerous_road_1_2923509

This leaves me cold - our car ended up not dissimilar to this and yet we came away with cuts and bruises. Why were we so lucky and he was not?

My uncle used to be an undertaker and he's assisting with the funeral as he did with my mother's. He'll take good care of everybody.

It was the funeral today. My wife Jo went and she told me that a lorry was used for the hearse because that was his job. A full size truck with the flat trailer with the coffin strapped on the back - it was 15 miles to the crematorium so it must've been quite an eyeopener for unsuspecting motorists.

As I said before he had AC/DC as the music and there was a request for mourners to wear football shirts. My Jo wore my old Lincoln City top which impressed my uncle no end.

Quote: chipolata @ August 12 2011, 9:53 AM BST

Chip's on a Technology Diet and is rationing his use of phones and the internet.

So you thought you'd log on and tell us, (but of course if the diet's going well he won't see this post) ;)

Riley is finding out how much the job market has changed. It's a marathon. I think they must give jobs to people for staying the course! Having finally applied for a job after spending hours hunting through the company's website trying to find the application form, I discover that it's a graduate job. And as such has all those lovely little graduate hurdles that you have to jump over these days. Next step is take a test. Or three. Verbal reasoning - why are verbal reasoning tests always written down? Logical reasoning - spot the patterns. And a test of their own special devising where you have to pick one of three given answers but nothing is 'correct'. In that case why wasn't there the 'I would have got all the correct information from the client the first time' option or even 'I understand that proof reading means picking up all the erros and not leaving one in the CEO's report option. However, I have found that I have more hoops. This comes in the form of writing four short essays to prove that I've read their marketing literature and I do understand for which branch of the business I've applied. If I produce a faultless and flawless 2,000 words then I get an interview. If I pass the interview I get invited to an assessment centre. And if I pass the assessment centre I get a final interview with a partner! Then I'll be put on the waiting list for the next intake. It might be quicker to go straight to pension.
But I pity the bright young things for whom the world has always been this way. When I were young it was an application form and an interview. End of. If you were a good chap or chappess the job was yours. But then there were a lot less graduates back in the eighties. Mind you give a couple of years and we'll probably be back to those levels.

Have just fed the fox twice which was a relief - he hasn't been for 3 nights and we thought he was dead.

Quote: keewik @ August 12 2011, 9:24 PM BST

Have just fed the fox twice which was a relief - he hasn't been for 3 nights and we thought he was dead.

If he's turned up in Reeboks you know what's been going on.

Come to think of it, I'm sure I saw a plasma TV tucked under his oxter.

A bit pissed.

Quote: Nil Putters @ August 12 2011, 10:36 PM BST

A bit pissed.

Only a bit? Lightweight!

Matthew is full of good ideas; if I wasn't me I'd be jealous.

Frantically packing when I should be sleeping and checking every corner of my bags to make sure a stray bullet doesn't send me to Gitmo.

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