Commercial Sketch

Newsreader (45) sat at desk.

Newsreader: And now to the commercial breaks.

A young sharp looking female appears on the screen, she is standing in front of a white background, including the ground.

A voice is heard off-screen, the voice is cheesy and American.

Voiceover: Have you had difficulty having children?

The female nods in agreement.

Voiceover: Ever wanted that family feeling?

The female nods in agreement again.

Voiceover: Then your dreams can come true with(pause) Baby in a bag.

A small bag appears in the women’s hand.

Female: Baby in a bag?

Voiceover: Baby in a bag is the next generation in child reproduction. No need for that messy intercourse. Just place in microwave for 5 minuets, and you’ll have a fully grown baby ready for your enjoyment.

Female is seen taking the baby out of the microwave.

Female: My very own baby.

Voiceover: Imported from China, because they don’t like babies, this new technology allows any one to have a baby. The perfect family is just 5 minuets away.

Female: Thank you baby in a bag.

Voiceover: A little miracle (pause) in a bag.

The female is seen holding a baby in her arms.

A large baby in a bag logo appears on the screen.

Voiceover (very quick): Baby bag is a copy written co-operation of cheap children limited, cheap children limited does not take responsibility for any defects or damages caused by baby in a bag. Your experience may differ.

Quote: CJ-PW @ January 4, 2008, 4:59 PM

copywrite 2008 slapstick productions

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If you're going to have the pretension to assert copyright (which you do not need to; it is automatic) at least spell it properly!!! (Unless you were joking somehow by writing that.)

Not bad, but these sort of sketches are always doing the rounds. If you're going down the 'sick' road, it needs to be sicker, if 'satire' more satirical, if just funny for the sake of it it needs more and better jokes.

Quote: James Williams @ January 4, 2008, 5:07 PM

If you're going to have the pretension to assert copyright (which you do not need to; it is automatic) at least spell it properly!!! (Unless you were joking somehow by writing that.)

View original

And if you're going to behave pretentious enough to knock someone's petty errors, how about not accusing them of pretension?

As to the sketch, it's definitely not firing as it is. How about the kids are manufactured by child labour - there has to be some mileage in that.

na i spelt is wrong, mainly because i can spell about as good as Britney spears parenting.

thanks for looking at it, something i just came up with about 10 mins ago.

i love those really cheesy commercials.

like a..............'ever needed a child really quickly?' 'Then come to www.cheapkidsforsale.com for all your child labour needs'

??

Quote: David Bussell @ January 4, 2008, 5:16 PM

And if you're going to behave pretentious enough to knock someone's petty errors, how about not accusing them of pretension?

View original

Don't be a knob, it was light-hearted enough.
I does niggle slightly when people assert their copyright in such a manner because the subtext is: "My stuff is good enough to steal - don't even think about it." If you are going to do this, fine, but really one ought to spell it correctly or risk looking a bit of a prat. (And I don't think the error is that petty.) And I wasn't trying to be a prat, by the way, I think I was helping. Imagine sending a script off to a production company with that typed along the bottom.

I also think you've misinterpreted my use of the word 'pretension'. I didn't mean it as a substitute for 'pretentiousness', which is what you seem to think. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pretension

The idea of a commercial is good - done before but good - but maybe you just need something that really irritates you or some comment you really want to make first. It's like you've written a sketch with some form but no message. You could, for instance, take the piss directly out of an existing ad - e.g. Mach 3 razors - with increasingly high-octane 'manly' action taken to an absurd level. You could talk about babies if there were some message there - taking the piss out of Madonna, for example. Anything.

Oh no! here we go again! Did we not have enough of this last night? This is a comedy site, not a free for all in Albert squre.

Last night?

I don't really think there is a fight, CJ-PW is cool and I think Bussell just misinterpreted what I was saying and thought I was being harsher than I in actual fact was.

thank you so much for reading it, and offering advise, also with the copy write thingy magig.

thanks again, this forum will see a few more bits from me.

Hey! I copyright my stuff!

But, anyway, I agree with James that this sort of thing has been done too many times before to be fresh.

If I had copyrighted this then I would have been the silliest goose on the planet.

That's good.
And feel free to assert your copyright if you want... probably easier just to use the symbol... should assert it when sending final stuff out to places (not that it will do you any good)... I can't believe someone listened to me... this is all wrong... need conflict... zzZZZBOOM

Quote: Winterlight @ January 4, 2008, 6:05 PM

Hey! I copyright my stuff!

But, anyway, I agree with James that this sort of thing has been done too many times before to be fresh.

If I had copyrighted this then I would have been the silliest goose on the planet.

View original

Well, you can't copyright an idea, so even if it was fresh there would be little point (anyway, as I say, one's copyright is automatically asserted without the need to write 'copyright me' on everything). You can only copyright the exact way you've written something, which makes an assertion doubly pointless if you're essentially putting out an idea in draft form for critique.

By the time I've stolen the idea and regurgitated it it won't be recognisable anyway!

Quote: James Williams @ January 4, 2008, 5:40 PM

Don't be a knob, it was light-hearted enough.

View original

I'm the knob? Time to change your prescription, friend.

If you want to fight, take it outside or to Chortle.

Quote: Winterlight @ January 4, 2008, 6:05 PM

Hey! I copyright my stuff!

But, anyway, I agree with James that this sort of thing has been done too many times before to be fresh.

If I had copyrighted this then I would have been the silliest goose on the planet.

View original

Copyrighting doesn't work I have a cheque for £12 with my name on it selling Winterlights sketches MWHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

WL keep writing and there's a pint in it for you!

Quote: David Bussell @ January 6, 2008, 6:40 PM

I'm the knob? Time to change your prescription, friend.

View original

Christ, I'm not picking an argument, you just took my comment to mean something it didn't actually mean. It is a bit harsh to have a go at me for no reason - especially as I was actually offering constructive advice.

Perhaps you could have thought more carefully before bandying the word 'pretentious' about.

There are far too many people on this site who seem to be interested in nothing more than name-calling and bickering, then act all wounded when somebody calls them on their behaviour. I'm not saying you're one of them, but when you open a comment with "Don't be a knob" then tell me you're not picking an argument, I have to wonder.