Nigel's on the wrong site, he was looking for www. fizzykids. com
Help write sitcom on-site Page 6
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 5, 2008, 11:08 PMNiteowl. I get a lot of this, are you saying that every sketch written by every contributor is set out wrongly. I challenge you to write a sketch for I Thang You, to show everyone on the site, how good you are. Otherwise complete this adage, either put up or....
I'm assuming you are able to read this.
Perhaps you get a lot of this because you're refusing to listen? So its clearly not worth me pointing out that it would be to your advantage to present in a way that didnt detract from, or put people off reading, your material.Your choice though.
I am listening, I'm asking you for help,If you are not up to it, no probs.
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 5, 2008, 11:37 PMniteowl wouldn't understand it because it's not set out properly.
But it's so long since she wrote anything it was in Latin
Merae fabulae sunt, et eas esse tales scis!
Actually you know exactly what you're doing but your brand of insulting 'humour' doesn't interest me. Again it detracts from the good ideas you do have. I should also point out that I live with a 15yr old so your attempts at riling are a little tame in comparison
is that genuine,or will I never know,
Recuso reverenter ne respondeam, quia quicquid dicam id sit mendacium impudens.
Aaaand back to English. My son studys Latin and it's actually a fascinating language. But this is ever so slightly off topic so I'll go away now
I think that ideas and content are far more important at the mo than format or spelling and punctuation.
I also think that if anybody REALLY can't understand the content of the script elements of this thread because of the formatting, then possibly it's because the trees are in the way!
Of course some of the content needs editing out, and a lot of work would be required to develop the (potential) characters to turn this into a polished piece of work, but there is a germ of an idea in this thread that a few of us find interesting.
The formatting, spelling and punctuation can be sorted out at any time or later. It's not important (to me) at the mo.
Quote: niteowl @ January 6, 2008, 12:12 AMI should also point out that I live with a 15yr old so your attempts at riling are a little tame in comparison
I have an 18 year old and 14 year old to contend with!
But they are good boys overall!
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 6, 2008, 12:15 AMis that genuine,or will I never know,
Who knows if what any of us say is true or not Jerf but ol' Niteowl has written some cracking scripts!
Franke. Has she? I did search but couldn't find anything. I look at the work of everybody who offers advice, to learn how they do it.
I know niteowls 15year old is probably her son,but that is not made clear. Snap. I was going to write, touche, but i'm not sure of the spelling.
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 6, 2008, 12:19 PMFranke. Has she? I did search but couldn't find anything. I look at the work of everybody who offers advice, to learn how they do it.
I know niteowls 15year old is probably her son,but that is not made clear. Snap. I was going to write, touche, but i'm not sure of the spelling.
Yes, she has.
jacparof. Welcome to England.
Where's the next scene of this sitcom?
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 6, 2008, 12:19 PMFranke. Has she? I did search but couldn't find anything. I look at the work of everybody who offers advice, to learn how they do it.
I know niteowls 15year old is probably her son,but that is not made clear. Snap. I was going to write, touche, but i'm not sure of the spelling.
Too-shay ain't it?
Niteowls stuff on BSG isn't so easy to find as there is nothing recent in Critique directly under her name. But she posted a few cracking sketches in the BSG Weekly Sketch Comp and won it two or threee times on the trot about a month ago or so.
EX
SAMMY HAS TAKEN CHUNKY, THE DUMMY TO HAVE SOME ‘REPAIRS’ DONE TO HIM.
SAMMY, GETTING BACK INTO FRED’S CAR.
He’s done it.
FRED.
Good, show me.
SAMMY TAKES CHUNKY OUT OF THE BAG, AND A REMOTE CONTROL FROM A POCKET AT THE SIDE.
HE SWITCHES ON THE REMOTE, PRESSES A BUTTON, CHUNKY’S EYELIDS OPEN AND CLOSE ON COMMAND.
ANOTHER BUTTON MAKES THE EYES SWIVEL SIDE TO SIDE
FRED
Jesus, that’s bloody scary. How did he do it?
Sammy.
I pressed this remote control thing.
Fred.
No, the bloke that fixed him, it
SAMMY
Mate of mine, retired special effects. He’s put the front end of a kid’s
remote control car, into Chunky’s head, brilliant eh.?
FRED
Do it again.
SAMMY DOES IT AGAIN.
FRED
That will scare the crap out of the ladies. It scares the crap out of me, put the little bastard in the boot.
SAMMY
My mate in the boot, no chance, he’s sitting on my lap, aren’t you buddy?
FRED DRIVES BACK TO THE HOME. ONETIME TAKING HIS EYES OF THE ROAD TO LOOK AT CHUNKY.
CHUNKY LOOKS AT HIM AND SAYS.
Watch where you are going will you?
FRED
Stop f**kin’ about Sammy, it’s not funny?
CHUNKY
Don’t you like me uncle Fred?
FRED, IRATE AND PERTURBED’
Sammy stop it!
THE TWO MEN SNEAK BACK INTO THE HOME SO NO ONE SEES THEM, TO PREPARE THEIR STUNT.
TWO HOURS LATER, THE SUN IS SHINING. ELSIE AND MADGE GO TO SIT OUT ON THE PATIO.
ARTHUR IS PRACTICING HIS KNIFE THROWING, AT THE CIRCULAR BOARD HE USED IN THE ACT.
FRED COMES INTO THE GARDEN
Hiya Art
ARTHUR
Stand up against the board
FRED
No chance
WHILST EVERYBODY’S ATTENTION IS ON ARTHUR AND FRED.
WITHOUT BEING SEEN.
SAMMY PUTS CHUNKY IN A PATIO CHAIR.
THEN WANDERS OVER TO FRED.
SAMMY
You killed anything yet?
ARTHUR
That’s below the belt
FRED
Yeah, It’s all in the past, let’s forget it.
SAMMY
Sorry, it was a bit hard.
FRED
Like that tomato, sorry, sorry
ELSIE SEES CHUNKY SAT IN A CHAIR AT ANOTHER TABLE
Oh god
MADGE LOOKS IN THE SAME DIRECTION AS ELSIE
Oh I hate that damn thing
ELSIE
Jesus Christ Sammy, take that little bastard away please
MADGE
Please, it gives us the creeps
SAMMY
It’s a dummy for heavens sakes, made of wood, inert, dead, kaput.
MRS FIGGIS, WHO RUNS THE HOME COMES OUT THE FRENCH DOORS WITH A TRAY OF COLD DRINKS.
FRED AND SAMMY HAVE GONE OUT OF SIGHT BEHIND THE GARDEN SHED.
SAMMY PUTS HIS ARM ROUND A CORNER OF THE SHED TO OPERATE THE REMOTE, AS IT NEEDS LINE OF SIGHT
CHUNKY’S EYELIDS RISE, AND THE EYEBALLS SLIDE ACROSS TO LOOK AT THE WOMEN.
ELSIE AND MADGE SCREAM AND RUN TO THE FRENCH DOORS, BUMPING INTO MRS FIGGIS ON THE WAY.
MRS FIGGIS THROWS THE TRAY AND CONTENTS INTO THE AIR, FOLLOWING ELSIE AND MADGE INTO THE HOUSE.
ARTHUR, WHO IS NOT IN ON THE STUNT, THROWS TWO KNIVES AT CHUNKY.
THE FIRST ONE STICKS IN CHUNKY’S LEG, THE SECOND KNIFE MISSES BY A YARD AND STICKS IN THE SHED CLOSE TO SAMMY’S HAND.
CHUNKY LOOKS AT ARTHUR AS HE PULLS THE KNIFE FROM HIS LEG.
ALARMED, ARTHUR USES IT LIKE A MACHETI, HACKING FURIOUSLY AT CHUNKY’S HEAD
.HE LOOKS LIKE NORMAN BATES IN THE HICHCOCK MOVIE, PSYCHO.
SAMMY AND FRED RUN TO CHUNKY’S AID REALISING THEY MIGHT HAVE GONE TOO FAR.
SAMMY
Leave him alone it’s not his fault.
FRED
Leave him alone it’s not his fault!!!!, not his fault!!!!!
FRED LOOKS AT SAMMY.
THEN AT ARTHUR.
THEN BACK AT SAMMY.
WONDERING IF HE WANTS TO LIVE HERE ANYMORE.
Go back to car.
Fred
Sammy stop it
Sammy
What do you mean stop it? The remotes on the back seat.
[Sfx: Sound of car crash]
End of scene.
I like it Jerf.
I also like the idea that roscoff is implying in his shorter sketch that Chunky really does have a life of his own, irrespective of the remote control. That could be very dark and there could be a lot more potential in Chunky before he gets hacked to bits or 'dies' in a car crash!
...formatting seems to be picking up! 