Should I get another job?

Hello good folk of BCG,I have decided to give this writing lark another go after becoming a house husband[got to find something to do between ironing and polishing]. Anyway, I was reading the papers and jotting things down and came up with a few rough ideas,for jokes and sketches.So this what my first scribbled notes came to.

It seems Princess Beatrice is taking advice on how to look good,I hear the plastic surgeon comes highly recommended.

Fergie the Duchess of York as finally paid off all her debts,that didn't take long considering Prince Andrew only got make redundant from his British Trade Ambassador job the other week.[sketch idea].

John Lewis are set to open smaller stores,as opposed to what,cheaper ones?

The new London Sperm Bank catalogue offers potential clients the chance to choose the traits of their child,last weeks most popular choice was eight inches.[sketch idea].

What are the chances of Ashley Cole not having anymore affairs? About has much chance as him learning to kick with his right foot.

Kate Middleton's wedding dress has gone on show at the palace,in the next couple of weeks it will be on show at Chelsea,Arsenal and Watford.

I've removed the Natalie Cassidy jokes,not wishing to cause offence.

Well you've got the neat feeder line, punch line down pat.

Problem is the punclines. They're all rather mean and a bit sexist and ultimately not very funny.

What's the beef with Natalie Cassidy? The final one sorta works, but it is just a simple minded double entendre with no real target.

I think go back, keep the structure. But get more of an idea of who and why you are targetting.

I don't mean to be rude but why are you posting your rough workings here?

Why not work on polishing some of these ideas and then, if you want some comments and feedback, put the finished articles in "Critique".

At the moment these rough ideas are just that, rough ideas, there's a couple of okay lines which I could see being used on something like "Newsjack" or "The Now Show", (although the Natalie Cassidy ones just seem nasty, is she a controversial enough figure to deserve such spite?).

I'm not sure what you are hoping to achieve by posting this? I don't mean to sound patronising but if you want to be a writer then you have to write... and then write some more and keep writing and, possibly more importantly, keep re-writing until the material is as good as you can make it (or as close to the deadline as you can get!).

What's the beef with Natalie Cassidy?

She happened to be in the newspaper.

Quote: Tony Cowards @ July 25 2011, 11:56 AM BST

(or as close to the deadline as you can get!).

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Sometimes past it

Good that you've got a few ideas and are trying them out. The Natalie ones just a bit cruel, ribbing like that would end up saying more about you than her if you ever did that live, I'm afraid.
Ashley Cole one is ok, but hasn't he been done to death by now?..don't know. Really needs more humour injected there overall I'd say.

Here's a few quick re-writes to make the jokes snappier and less wordy...

Good news, Princess Beatrice is taking advice on how to look good, bad news, it's from her mum!

Princess Beatrice is taking advice on how to look good, let's hope she can afford plastic surgery.

The Duchess of York has paid off all her debts, guess the redundancy money from Prince Andrew's Trade Ambassadors job came in handy (still too wordy, needs editing)

John Lewis are set to open smaller stores, called Jo Lew... (maybe link it with a J-Lo reference?)

On a different note, anyone know why when I quote the original post it doesn't work?

Quote: Tony Cowards @ July 25 2011, 12:16 PM BST

On a different note, anyone know why when I quote the original post it doesn't work?

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Because the poster has used square brackets.
They bugger up the quoting system.

Only use normal brackets, people!

I blame the parentheses.

Quote: Badge @ July 25 2011, 1:33 PM BST

I blame the parentheses.

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Now that's a joke!

Quote: Frankie Fryer @ July 25 2011, 11:58 AM BST

What's the beef with Natalie Cassidy?

She happened to be in the newspaper.

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Not good enough!

You need to shake the news till the jokes fall out not just go for obvious observations.

And the Ashley Cole one doesn't work (not because I'm a Chelsea supporter) but how many right-footed players can use their left.

I'd liked to have seen the Natalie Cassidy one though.

It was just generally calling her ugly.

Quote: zooo @ July 25 2011, 4:52 PM BST

It was just generally calling her ugly.

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So not funny then - just stating the obvious.

Quote: Badge @ July 25 2011, 1:33 PM BST

I blame the parentheses.

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