Police Station Briefing Room
An Inspector in uniform is hurriedly addressing his squad
"Ok listen up, we haven't got much time, we have be told by an anonymous source that 'Confident' Colin Cooper is on our patch. Now for those who don't know him, this man is one of the most wanted confidence tricksters in Europe.
Now lucky for us he has just been seen going into the Barclays Bank in town"
Cocky Constable
"I thought you said he was a confidence man, so why's he burgling a bank then?"
Inspector
Firm
"He's not burgling the bank smart arse! Aapparently they're having a late night banking drive so its open till ten and we think he has an appointment with the manager, so he should still be there when we arrive.
Now we haven't been able to get a photo so when we go in I want you to hold everyone Man, Woman or Child do you understand me everyone.
Cocky Constable
"What even kids sir?"
Inspector
Firmer still
"Everyone constable means just that everyone! We are dealing with best, a master of disguise as well as being silver tongued and he may even be a trained magician, so whatever or whoever is in that bank you keep them there until we check them out understood!?"
Cocky constable
"But little kids in prams sir"
Inspector
Full blown lecture mode
"Constable two years ago Confident Colin escaped a duel Interpol, FBI trap consisting of over two hundred operatives by posing as a dog, so yes everyone and that includes dogs,cats and especially white f**king Rabbits!"
The police arrive outside the bank and run in together
In the queue there is a vicar, a man dressed like Elvis, a hippy with long hair holding a guitar, a man in a camel hair over coat with a pencil thin moustache and a trilby that is tipped over his face, who is cleaning his nails with a file. Behind him is a man with a bandaged face that has sunglasses on it and behind him is a man dressed like Charlie Chaplin who is standing next to a man dressed as a chicken, they are all holding paying in slips!
The inspector enters and he sees the characters in the queue as he speaks:
Inspector
"Oh for f**ks sake!"
The inspector gets his men to get hold of everyone, as they do so the manager comes out of his office, to see what's happening .
Manger:
"What the hells going on?"
Inspector
"I thought you could tell me?"
Manager
Looking at the queue
"oh that, its fancy dress night, we had an order from head office, we're giving two hundred pounds in premium bonds to the customer with the best fancy dress outfit"
Inspector
"Well sorry to be a party pooper we have it on very good information that a confidence man is in this bank right now!"
Manager
"A confidence man you say? That's odd"
Inspector
Becoming wary
"What's odd?"
Manager
"We had an order yesterday from head office, apparently three times more money than normal will be delivered from head office and we are to put it all in two really big suitcases and leave it in the manager's office.
Inspector
Fully Alert
"That's odd in any lanuage!"
Manager
"I thought that, but I treble checked it is a genuine order Inspector"
Inspector
"How much is in these cases?"
Manger
"Two million Euros in 500 Euro notes!"
Inspector
"This definitely stinks!"
The inspector takes control of the room
"Right I want everyone in fancy dress against that wall with their hands on their heads right now!"
All the fancy dressed characters stand against the wall and put their hands on their heads.
The Manger is standing by the open door of his office and everyone can see the two suitcases.
The Inspector then sees it as he barks out his orders
"Ok no one moves,"
He then indicates toward the manager
"Sir no disrespect but I want you against the all as well, just for the time being and until we get to the bottom of this!"
Manger
"Certainly Inspector"
A very timid looking woman with horn rim glasses and pearls and wearing a bottle green cardigan with plain tweed skirt and flat shoes comes from behind the counter and offers to put the suitcases in the vault.
The Inspectors eyebrows arch like a cats back in the headlights:
Inspector
Sarcastic
"No Thank You, why don't you pop yourself up against that wall miss , next to the others until I have a rough idea of what's going"
The woman stands next to the Elvis and puts her hands on her head
Inspector
"Right now then at the moment this place is more like a game of f**king Cluedo than a bank!"
At this point the lights start to flicker
Inspector
"For f**ks sake I can't even work this out with the lights on! never mind a blackout!
Then it dawns on him and he summons the cocky constable who is standing by the door
"You come here, take those two suitcases and put them in the van and get in it with them and don't open the door for anyone"
The cocky constable gets the two suitcases and then starts to walk out of the bank as he does his helmet slips and he replaces it, but you can see it is poorly fitting
The Inspector eyebrows shoot up again
"No stop, come back here"
The cocky constable walks back in toward the Inspector and his helmet wobbles as he speaks
"What's up sir don't you want me to get the cash out safely before the lights go completely?
Inspector
Very suspicious
"No you just put them down and go and stand against that wall"
Cocky Constable
"Surely you don't..."
Inspector
Interjects loudly
"Just get against that wall now!"
The Cocky Constable goes up against the wall.
The inspector is now distraught, he looks around the room and everyone looks suspcious from the vicar to the cocky constable.
He visibly makes a firm decision
Inspector
"Right I'll put the money in the van and lock it up Myself, I want one man on the door and I want everyone in costume to face the wall and I want every constables to select one suspect each and place your batons across their backs.
He tells the Cocky Constable to sit cross legged and face the wall and then orders the sergeant to stand over him with his pepper spray out and ready.
Everyone assumes their positions and the Inspector takes the suitcases out.
As the inspector leaves the Elvis character faints and slips to the floor, the vicar and the hippy attempt to help him and as they do so they knock over the man with the bandaged face and sunglasses, who in turn falls onto the cocky constable who was sitting on the floor next to him.
The sergeant reacts by pepper spraying everyone in the room and leaves them all choking and coughing.
Pandemonium breaks out and then settles down as the odour of pepper spray ebbs from the room
The Cocky Constable sees the sergeant and laughs through the tears as he speaks.
"Tell you what as first days on the job go, that new Inspector's having a nightmare"
As the penny drops on the sergeant, he just sprays the last of his pepper into the Cocky Constables eyes.
Great caper.