THE NEWS OF THE WORLD is to be brought back from the dead after it was revealed that the vulgar masses felt that their Sundays 'missed a certain something.' In a massive shift in public opinion, it now looks like the infamous tabloid will be back in print before the end of the month.
'Last Sunday, I woke up and I felt that my I was missing a certain something,' said Iain Harkins, President of the Vulgar Masses, Paisley.
'There was no gossip... no racism... no homophobia... no sleaze... It just did not feel like a Sunday,' Harkins continued.
The turnaround is unprecedented, especially when just last week, the NOTW staff were being described as 'worse than Hitler' by the vulgar masses and that the phone hacking scandal, or phonehackgate, if you will, was the 'single worst thing ever to happen to anyone.'
'I just want my Sundays to go back to normal,' said Harkins. 'I think now that everyone has experienced a Sunday without the News of the World, they will realise that phone hacking is not so bad.'
Top celebrity, Richard 'The Hamster' Hammond echoed Harkins when he said, 'if it is a straight choice between phone hacking and reading a paper that uses semi-bloody-colons, then I'm afraid there is only going to be one winner... and that's the phone hacking paper... not the one with the semi-colons.'
