Hi there,
I'm totally new to the whole online forum idea, but I'm looking for the best way to get my screenplay ideas out to like-minded people!
I have written a first/pilot episode for a sitcom-esque TV show about workers in a fast food restaurant. I say sitcom-esque as I want the plot to remain character driven, rather than purely based on jokes. It's not that I don't appreciate non stop laughs, I just believe that I need to take the time to fully develop my characters.
The idea came from a year spent working in McDonalds and all the fun and drama that came with it. The intention for the first episode is to introduce the characters and locations while providing a comedically dramatic and edgy story.
I'll post the first two scenes here but naturally, like any writer, I do not feel it can be completely evaluated in part, so if anyone out there is interested I would be happy to send you a full version!
P.S I am writing in Northern Ireland, hence all the slang! And the thread won't let me copy and paste the screenplay in proper format so please allow for the poor formatting.
FADE IN.
SCENE 1. INT. MCDINGLES RESTAURANT-CREW ROOM. DAY
SEVEN YOUNG PEOPLE ARE SITTING AROND A CHEAP AND COLOURFUL DESK, ABOUT TO START THEIR FIRST DAY OF WORK AT MCDINGLES FAST FOOD RESTAURANT IN BALLYCRAIG, COUNTY DOWN.
THERE ARE FIVE GUYS AND TWO GIRLS. EACH OF THEM HAS AN A4 FOLDER IN FRONT OF THEM WITH 'WELCOME TO MCDINGLES' WRITTEN ON THE FRONT.
ONE OF THE TEENAGE BOYS, PHIL, AN INTELLECTUAL LOOKING, GEEKY SORT IS FERVENTLY SCOURING THE INFORMATION IN THE FOLDER. THE TWO GIRLS ARE WHISPERING AMONGST THEMSELVES AND THE REST OF THE GUYS ARE LEANING BACK IN THEIR CHAIRS LOOKING BORED.
SUDDENLY THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN AND DANNY RICE, A WELL BUILT AND SERIOUS LOOKING MAN - THE STORE'S SECOND IN COMMAND - MARCHES INTO THE ROOM AND STANDS AT THE HEAD OF THE TABLE. HE STARES DOWN ON THE NEW STARTS WITH DISGUST. HE SPEAKS QUICKLY WITH AN MUMBLING, INTIMIDATING TONE. HE HAS ONE OF THOSE ROUGH NORTHERN IRISH DIALECTS WHERE SOMEONE FROM THE COUNTRY IS PUTTING ON A FAKE INNER CITY BELFAST ACCENT TO ACT HARD.
DANNY RICE
Right. Everyone listen up cause I'm only saying this once
EVERYONE TURNS THEIR HEAD IN VAGUE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, EXCEPT FOR PHIL WHO SETS DOWN THE FOLDER IMMEDIATELY AND SITS BOLT UPRIGHT IN HIS CHAIR, LISTENING AND WATCHING INTENTLY LIKE A DOG WITH A TREAT DANGLING IN FRONT OF HIM.
DANNY RICE
I'm Danny Rice. Unless you wanna kiss me arse and call me sirthat's what you stick to. Nothing else. I'm the first assistant manager and I mighta taken some of your interviews. Which means yous didn't f**k me off. (Pauses) A lot. Honestly I don't remember any of yous but the important thing here is I can sack you if I want.
THE NEW STARTS ALL HAVE A BRIEFLY CONFUSED LOOK ON THEIR FACE, NOT KNOWING WETHER TO LAUGH OR BE TERRIFIED. ONE OF THE YOUNGER BOYS, MICKY, A TALL GOOD LOOKING TEENAGER, 18 YEARS OLD, PRODUCES A SMILE. DANNY PICKS UP ON THE IT LIKE SOMEBODY JUST FARTED LOUDLY.
DANNY RICE
Here mate, do you usually laugh at your superiors when you start a new job? What do you think this is kid, some kind of f**kin' comedy show? F**kin' Bobby Connelly or somethin'?
MICKY, COMPLETELY TAKEN ABACK, FLIPS HIS SMILE TO A SERIOUS FROWN. THIS SATISFIES DANNY AND HE TURNS AROUND AND REACHES FOR A DVD ON A SHELF BEHIND HIM.
ALL THE NEW STARTS ARE SHOCKED TO SILENCE BY DANNY'S BEHAVIOUR, EXCEPT CIARAN, ANOTHER TEENAGER THE SAME AGE AS MICKY AND PHIL, WHO HAS A MISCHIEVOUS GRIN SPREADING ACROSS HIS FACE.
CIARAN
Here, dontcha mean Billy Connelly...
(Sarcastically)
...Sir?
THE LOOK OF DISGUST GIVEN WHEN MICKY SMILED IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE LOOK OF UTTER CONTEMPT DANNY THROWS AT CIARAN.
THE LOOK WOULD EQUATE TO A NORMAL PERSON'S REACTION IF CIARAN HAD DROPPED HIS TROUSERS AND USED THE CREW ROOM FLOOR AS A TOLIET.
DANNY GETS RIGHT DOWN TO CIARAN'S LEVEL, POINTING A HUGE, THREATENING FINGER AT HIS NECK AND STARING HIM OUT WITH HIS DARK LITTLE EYES.
DANNY RICE
Look you little stain, I got about two levels right: pissed off and you're f**ked. and you say one more little smart shit thing and you'll get f**ked.
CIARAN GLANCES AROUND HIM, UNSURE HOW TO PROCEED. THEN HE SEES SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT TO COME IN THE ROOM.
CIARAN
(Cheekily)
And one more thing right, see if this is McDingles, does that mean we have to say 'Mc' before everything? Like do I havta call you McBoss?
DANNY REELS BACKWARDS IN ANGER. FOR A MOMENT IT LOOKS AS THOUGH HE IS ABOUT TO LASH OUT AT CIARAN, BUT BEOFRE HE CAN ACT THE DOOR OPENS AND ALAN, A VERY FLAMBOYANT AND CAMP MANAGER, COMES BOUNCING IN CHEERFULLY.
ALAN
Ooh Danny how are we getting in with the new recruits?
TURNS TO THE NEW STARTS
ALAN
Hi everyone! My name is Alan. I hope Danny here is being nice to you all!
ALAN SETS HIS ARM TENTATIVELY ON DANNY'S SHOULDER, MAKING HIM LUNGE BACKWARDS LIKE HE'S JUST BEEN SPRAYED IN THE EYES WITH BEAR MACE. CIARAN IS QUICK TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE AWKWARD SITUATION.
CIARAN
(In a very flamboyant tone)
Yes Alan, Danny here was just telling us all about how fun it is to work at McDingles, especially because of the tight uniforms the guys get to wear!
ALAN
(Sarcastically)
That sounds like him all right!
DANNY CAN HARDLY CONTAIN HIMSELF, BUT UNABLE TO ACT OUT AGGRESSIVELY WITH ANOTHER MANAGER PRESENT HE INSTEAD ANGRILY SHOVES THE DVD INTO THE PLAYER BELOW THE TV.
DANNY RICE
Just f**king watch this f**k sake.
DANNY STOMPS OUT OF THE ROOM LIKE A HUFFING CHILD
ALAN
Sorry guys! He's a bit of a douche bag, but you'll get used to it! This place isn't really as soul destroying as everyone says!
THE NEW STARTS SHARE A LOOK OF CONCERNED CONFUSION AS THE 'INTRODUCTION TO THE WORLD OF MCDINGLES' DVD STARTS PLAYING IN FRONT OF THEM. THE MUSIC FROM THE DVD SOUND BRIDGES INTO THE OPENING CREDITS.
CUT TO:
OPENING CREDITS
FADE IN.
SCENE 2. MCDINGLES RESTAURANT-KITCHEN. DAY.
THE SEVEN NEWBIES WALK INTO THE BACK OF THE KITCHEN AREA IN THE RESTAURANT, LEAD BY ALAN WHO IS GESTICULATING WILDLY, INTRODUCING THEM TO THE STORE BY POINTING OUT VARIOUS THINGS IN THE KITCHEN.
THERE ARE EMPLOYEES MULLING AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE. A FEW ARE WORKING AVIDLY BUT THE MAJORITY ARE FUNCTIONING WITH THE WORK ETHIC OF A SPANIARD DURING CIESTA.
PHIL IS LISTENING INTENTLY WHILE THE REST SEEM UNINTERESTED.
ALAN
And this is where you clock in...
ALAN POINTS TO A MACHINE ON THE WALL
ALAN
And this is the sink...
POINTS TO A SINK. PHIL NODS UNDERSTANDINGLY, AS IF THE LARGE BASIN FILLED WITH WATER AND DIRTY EQUIPMENT COULD JUST OF EASILY HAVE BEEN A FRIDGE.
ALAN
And this is where the drive through orders come through. We call it window one because it's the first window that people come to. It used to be called window two though.
MICKY
Why's that?
ALAN THROWS HIS HANDS UP IN THE AIR MELODRAMATICALLY
ALAN
I don't know! I'm only a manager silly!
(Pause)
And this pretty young lady taking the orders is Aimee. Say hey to the new starts Aimee!
AIMEE, BUSY TAKING AN ORDER, TURNS AWAY FROM THE WINDOW TO GIVE A HALF-HEARTED WAVE. MICKY CATCHES HER EYE AND SHE SMILES. HE SMILES BACK THEN LOOKS AWAY, EMBARRASSED.
ALAN BOUNDS ONWARDS WITH THE TOUR, POINTING OUT THE GRILLSIDE AREA WITH GREAT ENTHUSIASM
ALAN
And this is where we make the burgers! But don't worry you'll get loads of time to explore all the different parts of the store! Ooh ooh this is where we make the chicken burgers. They make the fish burgers and apple pies here too, but you you don't need to learn anything advanced yet.
A TALL, PALE AND CREEPY LOOKING YOUNG MAN LOOKS UP FROM THE WORK BENCH ON THE CHICKEN SIDE. HIS NAME IS SPUD. HE MAKES A HUGE GAPING GRIN, PUTS OUT HIS HAND OUT IN A CLAWING GESTURE AND MAKES A GROWLING NOISE TOWARDS THE GROUP. THE GIRLS KEEP THEIR DISTANCE, SHOCKED. ALAN TAKES NO NOTCIE, AS IF THIS WERE AS NORMAL AS EXHALING.
ALAN LEADS THEM UP TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE WHERE THE CUSTOMERS ARE BEING SERVED AT THE TILLS. THE LARGE GROUP OF SEVEN PEOPLE IN A SMALL SPACE IS GETTING IN THE WAY OF THE SERVERS. ONE DARK HAIRED WOMAN, JOBSKA, BARGES BETWEEN CIARAN AND MICKY TO GRAB A 'BIG YUMMY' BURGER FROM THE TRANSFER BIN WHERE THE FOOD IS KEPT WARM. SHE MUTTERS SOMETHING ANGRILY IN POLISH WHILE DOING SO.
ALAN
Ok folks, you've got to see the behind the scenes action, now this is where we get down to business: front counter. Which I always think is such a funny name because we don't have a rear counter... but I suppose we can't always do things in the rear!
PHIL SMILES UNCOMFORTABLY, UNFORTUNATELY PICKING UP ON THE INTENTIONAL INNUENDO.
A SHORT ALMOST SPHERICAL MAN WALKS UP TO THE GROUP. HIS NAME IS WAYNE AND HE IS THE BUSINESS MANAGER OF THE RESTAURANT - THE BIG BOSS.
HE LOOKS LIKE A WORKING CLASS SANTA CLAUS WITH MALE PATTERN BALDNESS. HE SPEAKS WITH A GENUINE INNER CITY BELFAST ACCENT AND TENDS TO BOB HIS HEAD WHEN HE TALKS. LIKE ONE OF THOSE DOGS YOU SET ON A DASHBOARD.
WAYNE
Well guys, welcome aboard. Hope Sam here's shown you a bit, but now we got to sort out where you're gonna be working in the store. Please step into my office.
HE MOTIONS TO A SMALL DOOR AT THE END OF THE COUNTER WITH 'BUSINESS MANAGER'S OFFICE' PRINTED ON IT.
HE THEN STARTS TO WADDLE TOWARDS THE DOOR, JUST LIKE A PENGUIN. THE OTHERS FOLLOW, EXCEPT ALAN WHO BOUNDS OFF BACK TO WORK.
CUT TO
