I've been watching a few of the old Alan Bennett monologues and was inspired to write my own short monologue as if for a sketch show like Kitty in Victoria Wood's As Seen on TV.
It's basically a middle-aged busybody:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/60093718/Pearls
Many apologies if it's rubbish and I've wasted your time... 
There's nothing wrong with it, when you said it was slightly Alan Bennett you hit the nail on the head as is exactly like that.
As an exercise in writing it is good, but due to the closeness of style with AB you get the sense you have seen it before despite the fact it is original, it works, but more as a pastiche than something different.
I think you knew that yourself, it was interesting and a decent read but it is limited courtesy of the link to AB.
Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ July 15 2011, 4:07 PM BSTThere's nothing wrong with it, when you said it was slightly Alan Bennett you hit the nail on the head as is exactly like that.
As an exercise in writing it is good, but due to the closeness of style with AB you get the sense you have seen it before despite the fact it is original, it works, but more as a pastiche than something different.
I think you knew that yourself, it was interesting and a decent read but it is limited courtesy of the link to AB.
Thanks, I think I might work on monologues trying to find my own style, as I enjoyed writing that, and it felt less of a chore than other styles.
You have the character off to a tee, your dialogue is strong. What you need to do in my humble opinion is spend time on the plot, take it away from the standard AB set up and it will be stronger for it.
So as oppose to having two ladies in a shelter by the sea side on a rainy day put the same characters on a cruise and juxtapose them with rich guests of the same age bracket and display the different mindsets.
Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ July 15 2011, 4:19 PM BSTYou have the character off to a tee, your dialogue is strong. What you need to do in my humble opinion is spend time on the plot, take it away from the standard AB set up and it will be stronger for it.
So as oppose to having two ladies in a shelter by the sea side on a rainy day put the same characters on a cruise and juxtapose them with rich guests of the same age bracket and display the different mindsets.
Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely try doing something like that. Showing up the differences between them with a contrast. 
I thought it was well-written and nice to read, but I didn't find it very funny.
It could be though, if one of the characters sons was working on the cruise ship and his mum had inflated his position to her friend saying he was only second to the captain and they joined the ship as a surprise only to discover the lad was a drag act or crap magician etc.
They could balance out and it could be humourous, its never going to be side splitting, but a hell of a lot of people like whimsical and these characters could tick every box on that front.