Looking for critique on my web series Page 2
To get us back on topic 
I might just post the links here. They'll still only be able to be viewed by people on this forum and its a lot less hassle.
Ep 2 is still rendering so it'll be a few hours before I have them both uploaded, I'll keep you all informed 
I'm on the edge of my seat.
Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ July 13 2011, 10:55 PM BSTI'm on the edge of my seat.
Thanks, I appreciate the sarcasm 
Here they are!
Looking at them I can all ready seeI still need to get the colour correction right and I'm not 100% happy with the audio although that may just be YouTube. Also allthe extra details like music are still being worked on.
But that's not what I want your opinions on. I wanna know if you enjoy it and if you'd want to see how Christian's life progresses!
Episode 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFry2gzYyg4
Episode 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF5rocUNWrY
ps the voice of his mother isn't the one that be used in the final cut. We haven't got the actress to record those lines yet so I just used my voice and changed the pitch and tempo. It doesn't sound good but it's just there so you know whats going on.
I was being sarcastic I really was on the edge of my seat, I moved back a bit and that helped.
Okay, it's very well made, and I was kept interested for the two episodes. That's a good start.
It is rather slow and so far there aren't any real belly laughs, so I hope the humour comes in soon.
I'll be honest, it was a bit 'pee pee ca ca' for my taste, but then you do have a guy that looks like a sex offender, a shitting grandma and a wank scene within the first minute. Those with a stronger stomach might make it further, mind.
You're an engaging performer and it's well filmed.
But the story is none existent and you're just wildly thumping the gross out button.
You could do some great stuff if you sharpened the scripts up a bit.
I do semi intelligent gross stuff, fancy a look?
I've got one on a guy who f**ks budgies that I reckon would suit you a treat.
Quote: Lady Laughter @ July 14 2011, 10:30 AM BSTOkay, it's very well made, and I was kept interested for the two episodes. That's a good start.
It is rather slow and so far there aren't any real belly laughs, so I hope the humour comes in soon.
I'm glad you were kept interested. The tempo is something that has been bothering me and I feel the series is a lot better from episode 4 onwards once the rest of the cast is introduced and we have more interactions.
Quote: David Bussell @ July 14 2011, 10:36 AM BSTI'll be honest, it was a bit 'pee pee ca ca' for my taste, but then you do have a guy that looks like a sex offender, a shitting grandma and a wank scene within the first minute. Those with a stronger stomach might make it further, mind.
I was worried people would be put of by that. Since this is the introduction to the character it's supposed to be showing how bad his life is. As we move on so does the comedy but he always looks like a sex offender.
Quote: sootyj @ July 14 2011, 1:01 PM BSTYou're an engaging performer and it's well filmed.
But the story is none existent and you're just wildly thumping the gross out button.
You could do some great stuff if you sharpened the scripts up a bit.
I do semi intelligent gross stuff, fancy a look?
I've got one on a guy who f**ks budgies that I reckon would suit you a treat.
Thanks. It's not me playing Christian but I'm glad you like the performance and the way it's filmed.
I'm not really sure what you mean by the story is non existent as it's story driven. Although like I said before as these are the first 2 episodes it's about showing how bad his life is before he starts to make changes.
Since all the feedback seems to be negative I now know I need to make some changes. I think after he starts trying to change his life and meets the other characters (including the girl in red from his dream and her husband) it gets really good but if the first 2 episodes are a lot weaker then the rest of the series people aren't going to stick around to see it.
I have about 90% of the series filmed so once I have a later episode fully edited I'll post it so you can see what I mean.
Here's a scene from a later episode in which Christian has been set up on a date.
I've done a lot of editing to make it faster paced and am putting them togeather as a single episode which comes in at just under 12 mins.
I'll render it and post it tomorrow.
In the mean time does anyone have any feedback on the later clip I posted?
Ok I've edited it to make it better paced and put it together as one episode.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxczYJ-KXpE
What do you think? Better?