British Comedy Guide

The all-in-one consolidated Tour De France thread Page 2

Laughing out loud

very good!

Tour De France. Lots of men on drugs cycle around really fast for a long time. One man in a yellow tee shirt cycles around faster than all the others and wins a medal.

Two years later. Men in suits take away medal from man in yellow tee shirt because he was on drugs. More men on drugs mount bicycles and cycle around really fast. One man in a yellow tee shirt cycles around faster than all the others and ....

Godot Taxis

Congratulations! You're a racist c**t.

Thanks Jimmy.

Being called a 'racist c**t' by a scotsman is like being told you're got nice eyes by Stevie Wonder before he's touched your face.

What do I win? Hopefully not a tin of f**king shortbreads.

Quote: Godot Taxis @ July 24 2010, 12:22 AM BST

Thanks Jimmy.

Being called a 'racist c**t' by a scotsman is like being told you're got nice eyes by Stevie Wonder before he's touched your face.

What do I win? Hopefully not a tin of f**king shortbreads.

See you, I'm not Scottish.

Quote: Godot Taxis @ July 24 2010, 12:22 AM BST

What do I win? Hopefully not a tin of f**king shortbreads.

If you do, I'll have them. I love shortbread, me.

P.S. you're swearing a lot lately. Is this something Graham could help with?

Seems hardly worth reactivating this thread since it wasn't that popular last time, but Cavendish won his first stage of the 2011 race yesterday and is sitting fourth on the leaderboard for the Green Jersey.

Barring accidents it seems unlikely that he won't win it easily - a remarkable achievement and a first for a British Cyclist. His win yesterday takes him up to 16 Tour stage wins - twice as many as the former British record by Barry Hoban. If he wins on the Champs Élysées this year he will only be the third man to have achieved three final stage wins and only the second to have done them consecutively, behind Merckx. He is probably the greatest British Sportsman currently competing, yet he's far from being a household name.

He hasn't even won a stupid gong like Sports Personality of the Year, despite being nominated a few times.

Our football players fill up pages of newsprint but are thoroughly mediocre - here we have a real sporting genius.

Cavendish has won his second stage today - stage 7. He's now up to 150 pts in the Green Jersey comp, just 17 behind Rojas.

Well done to the lad. Brilliant rider.

He's done it. Stage win and the Green Jersey! Fantastic!

Is the green jersey for sprinters?

Points classification. You get points at the finish and at one point in the middle of the race. The riders with the most points wins the jersey. Usually it's worn by a sprinter but a non-sprinter has worn it this year and is still in overall contention Phillipe Gilbert. Infact he was wearing it yesterday.

Get watching it Bigfella - the highlights are on ITV4 7.00-8.00pm every day. It's also on Eurosport.

Cool Cavendish left stunned after sprint defeat by old nemesis.

ps; Love the lycra! fanning myself with paper.

How does one get points ?

I can understand if it's first, second, third etc at the end of each stage but what about the dozens who all go over the line together?

Don't understand it.

Eh?

Quote: Oldrocker @ July 13 2011, 9:51 PM BST

How does one get points ?

I can understand if it's first, second, third etc at the end of each stage but what about the dozens who all go over the line together?

Don't understand it.

Eh?

I think a lot of English people don't understand it, which is why it's not as popular as it should be.

The yellow jersey is worn by the rider who is riding the Tour in the shortest time. He might finish fifth one day and twenty third the next, it doesn't matter so long as another rider with the same time doesn't finish ahead of him.

Everyone who goes over the line together gets the same time. This is done to avoid a huge pile up at the end of the race with everyone trying to compete for the best time. The ONLY way to get a time advantage over the other riders is for there to be a split in the group of riders - ie a gap. If one rider comes over the line with a visible gap between other cyclists he will get a different time.

This means for example if 30 riders went over the line in a continuous stream they would all get the same time, even though it might take ten seconds for them to all pass over the line. The 30th man will get the same time as the 1st or 15th or 22nd man. NOW, if there is a gap between the 30th man and the 31st man - even if it's only a metre, he will get the actual time on the line, which in this example will be 10 seconds later than the 30th man, even though he actually finished a split second after him!

It follows that the only way you can win the yellow jersey is by breaking away from your competitors and finishing alone or in a group that doesn't contain them. This is why the race is usually decided in the mountains as it is possible for riders to break away or ride off their competitors or for riders to crack.

The green jersey is decided differently. Time does not matter. Cavendish who won today is 110th overall and 45minutes behind the yellow jersey winner. He just has more points than anyone else. The points are awarded at the finish and at an intermediate spot on the race - sometimes near the start, sometimes in the middle and occasionally near the end.

They are awarded in a sliding scale from 1st to 15th. On a flat stage like today first place gets you 45pts. 15th place gets you 2pts. Points are lower for finishing on a hilltop or mountain.

To amass a lot of points you have to finish consistently at the front of the race. This is why it is often referred to as the sprinter's jersey. Obviously if you finished consistently at the front throughout the race you would also have the best time and also win the yellow jersey, but in reality this does not happen. Each stage is different and suits different riders. Tomorrow's stage is a killer and features two big mountains. It suits climbers - skinny riders with stamina- and Cavendish will finish far at the back. Todays stage by comparison was flat and suits stocky riders who can sprint.

There is another points jersey called the king of the mountains. I will explain how that is awarded if you're interested, Oldrocker.

:O Wow, are you that thorough in bed?

Sorry, yes it is complex.

Share this page