Help write sitcom on-site

Retired husband and wife comedy duo, Judge and Dury? Real names, Fred and Elsie Mason. Living in retirement home filled with other 'artists'. The dialogue in the home always hovering between reality and their acts.

Site inmates are invited to add a joke or two. Not the the entire works of William f**kin' Shavespoke.

Title??????

Scene 1

Fred is in breakfast room greeting other residents as they arrive.

Fred. "Morning Great Edwardo, or can I just call you great"?

Great Edwardo, ex magician, in Brummy accent. "You say the same thing every

morning, put another record on will you"?

Fred. "Sorry mate, I'll just make myself disappear then"

Great Edwardo. "F**k off"

Other residents coming in are all greeted by the relentlessly jovial Fred.

The end.

Quote: ContainsNuts @ January 3, 2008, 2:04 PM

The end.

View original

FRED
These youngsters just don't get it, do they?

He gets it alright, he's just not up to the job, he's dyslexic, he sees two inches as nine inches.

Seems like a difficult concept to write for, maybe 'cos it's so off-the-wall (how on earth did they all get together?)!

SAMMY ENTERS

FRED
Where's your ventriloquist's dummy today, Sammy?

SAMMY TAKES OUT HIS FALSE TEETH AND MIMES

SAMMY:
F**k off.

FRED:
Stike two. I hope you didn't do that one on stage! No wonder his show was cancelled.

Quote: James Williams @ January 3, 2008, 2:52 PM

How on earth did they all get together?

View original

Presumably a retirement home for variety acts set up by The Variety Club or somesuch charity with Bruce Forsyth as patron.

Anyway ...

FRED WALKS OVER TO THE BREAKFAST BAR.

FRED
Where are the bloody plates?

THE FLOOR IS LITTERED WITH BROKEN CROCKERY.

FRED
Oh, No. Johnny The Juggler got up early again.

Seems a difficult concept, how did they all get together?
Your education was worth it then, where did you get that English 1st,Toys are us? Get a grip of your idle mind boy, A couple of years on a drill square in Aldershot would liven you up.

It's no wonder you all keep getting your scripts regected if this is the standard.

Well f**k you Jerf. I think we were all just trying to help. Mind you your opening gambit was so hilarious I guess we just can't live up to the standard. I am of the opinion you are a complete wanker so good luck. No I meant to say piss off. That's the one. Note my post has been deleted with no great loss obviously.

I think a sitcom set in a Variety Club retirement home is a genius idea. Full of potential ...

THE RESIDENTS ARE SAT AROUND THE TABLE WITH THEIR BREAKFAST ON PAPER PLATES. FRED COUGHS TWICE FOR SILENCE.

FRED
For what we are about to receive may our Lord make us truly grateful.

THE RESIDENTS CROSS THEMSELVES AND LOOK ADORINGLY UP AT THE FAR WALL.

RESIDENTS
I thank you.

ON THE WALL IS A HUGE PHOTOGRAPH OF BRUCE FORSYTH.

Roscoff

I am playing the part of the Producer of a potential sitcom. Realistic dont you think. I must congratulate you on your very realistic portrayal a deluded talentless prick. Well done.

Quote: James Williams @ January 3, 2008, 2:52 PM

Seems like a difficult concept to write for, maybe 'cos it's so off-the-wall (how on earth did they all get together?)!

SAMMY ENTERS

FRED
Where's your ventriloquist's dummy today, Sammy?

SAMMY TAKES OUT HIS FALSE TEETH AND MIMES

SAMMY:
F**k off.

FRED:
Stike two. I hope you didn't do that one on stage! No wonder his show was cancelled.

View original

How about Sammy puts the false teeth into the mouth of the dummy?

SAMMY:That's better, we couldn't understand a word you said.

Just got a brilliant name for this sitcom.

"I THANK YOU"

Genius (if I say so myself).

That's the one JohnnyD

Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 3, 2008, 6:09 PM

Roscoff

I am playing the part of the Producer of a potential sitcom. Realistic dont you think. I must congratulate you on your very realistic portrayal a deluded talentless prick. Well done.

View original

Just read your last four 'efforts' in the critique. And you call me deluded. F**k me have a look at the comments Jerf. You can play the role of a producer all you like but it doesn't get away from the fact your pretty shit I'm afraid. I'll stop the correspodence now due to the fact your just not f**king worth it.

Come on Rosco let's be friends, it's supposed to be a bit of fun. I know I'm not a writer and never will be. Calm down and write another piece, We need you,