I'll probably do that on the night
Stand up routine for a works do Page 5
Hi Sootyj, I know you prob don't need advice from me seeing as how you usually slam or ignore whatever I post but regardless, I think as a stand up bit you've got a very very good idea. (NotW must've tapped you so tailored content to your life)
I would prob re-order, as in, start by pointing out "I've got the new News of the World ipad edition. Amazing technology, of course you have to turn it on with your nose and use your tongue to turn the pages"
(or maybe an errection gag? or maybe not) --- The readership line maybe overkills the point? Becomes a bit elitist? People would laugh at the visual of the nose/tongue thing though.
I would then lead into: "Maybe Im paranoid but I swear they've tapped me too... Why else would there would be the following ads? Flowers for forgetting to phone your mum, (i reckon you could get a darker gag in here though) a new take away called the Kebizza harnessing the power of kebab and pizza (this is utter quality!!) and the 3rd advert was for Dignitas's new service for rubbish standup comics. It's a cushion with a cyanide filled syringe hidden inside it. That way when you're going to die on your ass.
(I like this but it just feels a little bit forced, but I can't think of anything better)
i'd try experiment with loads of potential ads then pick a good three 'cos you're obviously humourous but if these are your best 3 ads, okay.
Im not really keen on the "rubbish stand up" talk, I get saying you're a rubbish son, lover, worker etc, but wouldn't use the lower status in regards to your actual set.
"Why would all their ads be offering me just what I need?" I reckon this beat would be better at the front though, so its set-up, laugher, bigger laugh, biggest laugh, without then needing to add this at the end because it's self explanatory.
And with the page 3 bit, again top idea, I'd still play around with diff combos other than Palin/Lion O... Topless She-Ra eating a Kebizza?
Now, this finishing line. " I don't quite understand why they spend so much on private detectives? Wouldn't it just be cheaper to murder school girls and then interview them selves. And cut out the middle man."
I like the point you're making, but still, maybe the harshness outweighs the funniness. Believe me I'm no bleeding heart but just find the kid jokes a little wrong (even though you're not poking fun at them, but the paper) but still, I would keep the arc - Why spend so much on a P.I? wouldn't it be easier to (insert inversion of a fresh topic) and just interview eachother? Cuts out the middle man.
And finally, if you're recycling bits from the earlier gig you have to force the "if it wasn't for those pesky yids" line in somewhere because that is gold.
Anyhow, all's just my opinion.
Quote: sootyj @ July 6 2011, 9:53 PM BSTI am both lazy and shy.
Bollocks...at least on the second part of that.
And not very funny.
Ruggish!
I did a one hour show with Ivor Dembina got as many laughs
One hour and one laugh? That sounds a bit joke light to me...
Quote: Jack Daniels @ July 6 2011, 11:23 PM BSTHi Sootyj, I know you prob don't need advice from me seeing as how you usually slam or ignore whatever I post but regardless, I think as a stand up bit you've got a very very good idea. (NotW must've tapped you so tailored content to your life)
I would prob re-order, as in, start by pointing out "I've got the new News of the World ipad edition. Amazing technology, of course you have to turn it on with your nose and use your tongue to turn the pages"
(or maybe an errection gag? or maybe not) --- The readership line maybe overkills the point? Becomes a bit elitist? People would laugh at the visual of the nose/tongue thing though.I would then lead into: "Maybe Im paranoid but I swear they've tapped me too... Why else would there would be the following ads? Flowers for forgetting to phone your mum, (i reckon you could get a darker gag in here though) a new take away called the Kebizza harnessing the power of kebab and pizza (this is utter quality!!) and the 3rd advert was for Dignitas's new service for rubbish standup comics. It's a cushion with a cyanide filled syringe hidden inside it. That way when you're going to die on your ass.
(I like this but it just feels a little bit forced, but I can't think of anything better)i'd try experiment with loads of potential ads then pick a good three 'cos you're obviously humourous but if these are your best 3 ads, okay.
Im not really keen on the "rubbish stand up" talk, I get saying you're a rubbish son, lover, worker etc, but wouldn't use the lower status in regards to your actual set.
"Why would all their ads be offering me just what I need?" I reckon this beat would be better at the front though, so its set-up, laugher, bigger laugh, biggest laugh, without then needing to add this at the end because it's self explanatory.
And with the page 3 bit, again top idea, I'd still play around with diff combos other than Palin/Lion O... Topless She-Ra eating a Kebizza?
Now, this finishing line. " I don't quite understand why they spend so much on private detectives? Wouldn't it just be cheaper to murder school girls and then interview them selves. And cut out the middle man."
I like the point you're making, but still, maybe the harshness outweighs the funniness. Believe me I'm no bleeding heart but just find the kid jokes a little wrong (even though you're not poking fun at them, but the paper) but still, I would keep the arc - Why spend so much on a P.I? wouldn't it be easier to (insert inversion of a fresh topic) and just interview eachother? Cuts out the middle man.
And finally, if you're recycling bits from the earlier gig you have to force the "if it wasn't for those pesky yids" line in somewhere because that is gold.
Anyhow, all's just my opinion.
There's some solid good advice in there, especially on the top tip joke. I think I can tone it down without too mch effort.
And the Kebizza connection is a good call back.
[quote name="Tuumble" post="783814" date="July 7 2011, 12:00 AM BST"]Bollocks...at least on the second part of that.
/quote]
Having never met me how would you know....
Quote: sootyj @ July 7 2011, 12:10 AM BSTHaving never met me how would you know....
This is true.
I don't know what came over me and I do apologise. You just don't seem the shy type but who am I to judge. And it wouldn't matter anyway.
I myself was once considered a bit of a hottie in letters but was unceremoniously dumped once we'd met in the flesh. Words are my tool...
Why are you doing MORE new material? Why not just let it grow for more than one gig?
Quote: Nat Wicks @ July 7 2011, 12:53 PM BSTWhy are you doing MORE new material? Why not just let it grow for more than one gig?
This is true, you're supposed to sort of develop a solid set, mutating, developing and adding to it with each performance. Though if you're trying to do topical stuff, I suppose that's a bit tricky.
I think Sooty is sneakily trying to bypass the curcuit pecking order!
Nah not at all, I'm not very good so unlike the writing (which is only slightly better). It's more of a jolly.
Of course if there's an option to get ahead I'll take it.
Quote: Nat Wicks @ July 7 2011, 12:53 PM BSTWhy are you doing MORE new material? Why not just let it grow for more than one gig?
Nothing dates like topical, this is all filler stuff though. Most of my act is a bunch of old style Toomlah gags.
N.B. all this NOW is now dated bah! Back to the drawing board.
NEW INTRO!
You're probably worried worried I'm going to be one of those standups who pick on the audience. Well tough luck, I'm very mean. The good news for you is I'm also very shy, so I can't make eye contact with anyone.
So I'm going to be mercilessly lampooning and picking on that lamp on the wall at the back. Yeh you mr lamp with your frilly cover, did you bring your girl friend with you tonight?
No?
Because you haven't got one, you loser. Because you're a lamp.
Yeh bet you've got 60 watt bulb, because you're so dim.
And you're a tart soon as some one touches your button you're turned off, but if they press it again you're turned off.
I think he's had enough. I'm going to do the emergency exit sign next.
Actually the poor eye contact isn't due to shyness, it's because I'm dyslexic.
I found this out when I was burgled a couple of years ago. I filled in the report on line and then went into the police station to be interviewed.
Thing is when you're a dyslexic the word buggery and burglary are depressingly similar.
Yes he snuck in my house officer.
No I wasn't woken up.
He made a terrible mess.
No I didn't want him to do it.
How could I consent to having something precious taken!
I think he used a crowbar there maybe have been 2 of them.
What do you mean how can I standup!
What do you mean burglary's been legal since 1968, bloody labour government.
What did he take? My computer, my DVD player and my lamp. Glad to be rid of that I hate lamps they should all be sent back, gotcha ya lamp bastard!
I love the lamp stuff, but I think you need to end it after 'cause you're a lamp'. You're just thinning it out after that.
In fact I'd cut that down to two lines. I love the concept.
Yup good point.
I always over write for standup so I can cut stuff.