https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/21572/
SONG: MONDAY MORNING MISHAP
Got up feeling groggy,
Bod a little soggy from the night
Demons and devils, nightmares straddled me
Screeching in me lugs when I was wrapped up tight
But now awake
I make a cuppa in the kitchen,
This languid body's twitchin'
And for Rosy Lee it's itchin'
Fill the kettle with brown water from a rusted tap,
Seethin' liquids, pour the water, kettle handle snaps,
I wouldn't mind too much I swear but only for the fact,
That my John Thomas hanging out was scolded to the sack
Never make tea in the nude.
Never make tea in the nude.
I ain't a prude, just please, be shrewd,
And Never make tea in the nude.
It really ain't all clever
To expose your old fella
'Alf a kettle tests your mettle
An' leaves ya feelin' yella
So never make tea in the nude
Several years long after that
My wife long-since departed
Not from her death, but death of sex,
My pistons' not since started
She said I stank, and drank a lot,
An' was a useless prannock,
But worse disgrace -- a waste of space
Now that I could not fill her crannock
If you ask me in the pub at five thirty I will say
That she's a f**kin' whore, a slut, an' I left her that day,
But come the tollin' of the bell at closin' time pissed up,
I'll tell the truth, an' climb the roof, an' threaten to jump off
It happens every night, last night was no exception,
This morn a banging head, black eyes, and half a recollection,
So I take my medicine, half a pint of gin,
An' an English fry up, to my doss hard day begin,
A fryin' pan of butter, sizzlin' sausages,
Some rashers, mushrooms, and brown bread,
Just what old Frankie needs;
The chocka-block brown-rusted pan
I popped in a few eggs,
But I slipped, the handle ripped,
Fried sausage 'twixt two legs.
Never make eggs in the nude.
Never make eggs in the nude.
I ain't a prude, just please, be shrewd,
And Never make eggs in the nude.
It really ain't all clever
To expose your old fella
A full up pan sears ya man
An' leaves ya feelin' yella
So never make eggs in the nude
Never make eggs in the nude
Don't be like Frank who'll no more wank
Never make eggs in the nude.
Never make eggs in the nude.
Don't be like Frank who'll no more wank,
And never make eggs in the nude.
