British Comedy Guide

Sitcom Trials Manchester 2011 - scripts invited Page 24

Quote: swerytd @ June 26 2011, 11:41 AM BST

And you're getting 20-30 people reading your work

Is that equal to -10 people?

Oh no, someone's questioning my maths skills.

<goes off on one>

Dan

I hope to see this forum explode with reviews today

Quote: cedardude @ June 26 2011, 3:23 PM BST

I hope to see this forum explode with reviews today

It's not a bad forum. I'll give it a maybe.

Quote: Marc P @ June 26 2011, 3:24 PM BST

It's not a bad forum. I'll give it a maybe.

Post showed potential but no cliffhanger - MAYBE

> 3 Bitches - NO
> Agent of Chaos - - Maybe
> Amateurs - NO
> An Ex Rated Date - NO
> Analysts - yes
> And It's Life And Life Only - NO
> Apocalypse - NO
> As Sick As A Parrot - yes
> BI-POLAR - NO
> BROKEN RECORDS - NO
> Caroline R.I. - NO.
> Checkpoint Dave - yes
> Cometh the Padre - NO
> Dead Healthy - NO
> ENVIROMENTLY FRIENDLY - NO
> FOUR IN A GYM - NO
> God Complex - NO
> Hardcow - NO
> Highway to Hell - NO
> Keith Lymingstone-Brown - NO
> Lightning - NO
> Living With Danger - No
> Lo-Fi - No
> MATES RATES - No
> NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT - No
> No Prospect - NO
> Old Man - No
> Outgoings - NO
> Privilege - NO
> Reasons to Be Cheerful - NO
> Rock - No
> Shit Happens - No
> Shock Treatment - NO
> Singing the Blues - Yes
> SuperFood.doc - Yes
> THE OAP BUS - NO
> The Oldham Chronicles - NO
> The Pinkie Device - NO
> THEATRE OF DREAMS - NO
> There must be someone else - NO
> Treading water - NO
> University of Life - NO
> URBAN GUERILLAS - - Maybe

sorry for no in depth but I have judged this on if I enjoyed reading the script and laughed as a yes, laughed in places as a maybe and didn't enjoy reading as a no.

Hi all

Please find my reviews below. Take them as you like and if you don't like a review I've given I'm sorry, but you know, it's just one person's opinion and not worth worrying about. At the same time, while I understand people will have put a lot of hard work and effort into these, submitting them on a forum for all and sundry to nit-pick at is part of it, so I'm not necessarily that sorry if you don't like a bad review, the same way I'm not too fussed with my own work getting criticised.

Slightly confused about the voting - not everyone has reviewed all the scripts, so does that mean it's an automatic NO for the ones not mentioned? Strikes me as a slightly un-weighted system, or have I missed something?

One thing I found from reading them all in one sitting is that across the board there's a lot of jokes about periods, Amy Winehouse and erectile dysfunction. Just a theme I noticed. Interesting.

Anyway, cheers.

Middling - The Gate
Felt more like a straight theatre piece than an out and out comedy, but the gentle nature of it worked very well - dialogue has some nice moments, some contrived moments, but some nice observations as well. Whether it plays funny enough depends on the actors I feel, as it might go either way. Structurally good. MAYBE

3 Bitches
Not for me at all. I'm all for bad taste comedy and bad language if it's done well, but didn't feel this was at all. Sorry. NO

Agent of Chaos
After a lot of dull scripts, this was exciting and upbeat and energetic. But it was also very muddled I thought, and didn't work for me and I didn't laugh. But there's something there I feel and maybe I'm just missing it, so it's worth a MAYBE

Amateurs
No full stops was somewhat irritating. Couldn't relate to the characters, or empathise with them, or like them. Sorry. NO

An Ex-Rated Date
Some poor punctuation and typos. This is a pretty major thing as a lot of producers etc will dismiss a script the moment they spot one, the reason being they have so many to read why bother with ones with mistakes. Obviously that relates to a lot of scripts here, not just this one. However, has a nice flow to it, realistic-feeling dialogue, lovely exchanges between the three characters, and just a nice overall feel to it. YES

Analysts
Didn't quite do it for me, dialogue felt a bit too contrived. Sorry NO

And It's Life and Life Only
Very similar to the other entry, and felt it would have been a good opportunity to try something different. Not as funny and the ending didn't really work. NO

Apocalypse, John Hunter
Kinda sweet story and nicely executed. Should've been funnier, for me at least, but still alright, and can imagine it being a bit of a crowd pleaser if performed well. YES

As Sick As a Parrot
Being a League Two team supporter, a lot of this rang true, although think it could be improved if the team were non-league. That said, some very funny moments, liked the build up and the pay-offs to jokes which was consistent, and nice language used. YES

Bi-Polar
Liked the premise and a bright start, but the story faded away for me, and the characters didn't engage. NO

Broken Records
Is it me, or are character descriptions at the start of a script completely superfluous? I thought you did them very briefly for theatre plays (which I guess you might argue this competition sort of is) but something about anything longer than a basic age and visual description turns me off and makes me think you oughta let your characters show who they are through the script, not a blurb. This applies for a lot of scripts, not just this one. Anyway, really liked the first chicken joke, great way to start, but then it tailed off a lot and couldn't like the characters. NO

Checkpoint Dave
Confident start, nice flow, funny lines, distinct characters YES

Cometh the Padre
Very heavy on the action descriptions and the flow suffers. Long sections of dialogue that are slow and not as funny as they ought to be for the length, left me feeling like I was trudging through it too much.NO

Dead Healthy
Didn't find John either awful or funny enough to talk in the third person, and that began to grate. Reckon he ought to be made more grotesque and then it might work more. Decent enough story but felt dated. Sorry, NO

Environmentally Friendly
Other than the unforgivable misspelling of the title, nice concept and some funny lines. Liked the mix of dialogue and physical action. No story to speak of as such though, and I felt myself losing interest. Good promise though MAYBE

Footlights
Meta-comedy doesn't do it for me I'm afraid. Bad dialogue, crass jokes (and I usually like crass) from unlikeable characters NO

Four in a Gym
Never really got going for me and I couldn't get interested in the characters. NO

God Complex
YES

Hardcow
I liked the tits/fairy lights line, but the rest of it felt uneven and I didn't believe in the characters - they didn't feel real enough as female voices for me. The build-up and pay-offs to one-liners felt a bit too contrived as well. NO

Highway to Hell
Didn't get into the characters or the story, and didn't find it had enough of a draw with the comedy. NO

Keith Lymingstone-Brown's Astonishing Escapades Through Time
YES

Lightning
Maybe I'm thick, but I couldn't really follow the story very well. Lost interest too quickly and didn't laugh enough. Introduction of brand new character in second half didn't work for me either. Sorry NO

Living With Danger
Couldn't get into this - felt student-y I'm afraid to say, and not enough funny moments to make up for a lack of story. Sorry, NO

Lo-Fi
Nice dialogue, although it was hard to differentiate between the characters - they didn't have distinctive enough voices. Zips along nicely though and some funny bits, but does meander somewhat. MAYBE

Mates Rates
Interesting premise and different characters to a lot of the scripts which was promising at the start - didn't like them much though and their dialogue just felt laboured and contrived. NO

No Prospect
Three blokes essentially sitting around and talking - not for me I'm afraid. Too many puns and weak lines as well. Sorry NO

Not on a School Night
Felt more like a drama in a lot of ways - very slow build up and not enough funny going on. Probably too many scenes. Sorry, NO

Old Man
Quite a nice feel to it, but not really sitcom. Again, felt more like a gentle stage-play and although there's some nice characterisation and a coupla witty exchanges, it never really takes off. MAYBE

Outgoings
Didn't understand what the asterisks in the script specifically denoted (assuming stresses on words I think) and found them distracting. Also think it would've been better to state that she's shivering at the beginning, rather than include the shivering in most of her dialogue. Nice original premise, and some nice exchanges, but felt the execution could've been much funnier. MAYBE

Privilege
Zips long and is funny in parts. Could be tightened up and Peter could be made more awful, but think it would go down well. YES

Reasons to be Cheerful
Got very muddled by the opening and pretty much missed the joke completely. No real jokes, didn't laugh much, wasn't really feeling the characters and lost interest rather quickly. Sorry, NO

Shit Happens
Liked the Rissole/Pisshole joke, but the rest of it didn't do it for me - very bad language is right up my street, but feel it needs to be used better and with more humour - it's not funny enough just for the sake of it. NO

Shock Treatment
Funny moments, flows nicely, nice exchanges. YES

Singing the Blues
Brave to start off with a long monologue but works very well. Entrance of Bobby Robson was nice, and overall was interesting and had some funny moments. Liked the "I'm a good manager, I was only sacked three times" line. YES

Superfood
Snappy dialogue at times that that flows well. Starts brightly but begins to fade I thought. MAYBE

The OAP Bus
Wasn't feeling the opening speech to the audience, got it off to a bad start. A lot of unnecessary exposition in the dialogue. Couple of nice exchanges but not enough comedy. NO

The Oldham Chronicles
It's a brave stylistic thing to end so many lines with "o", but didn't think it worked too well, although depending on performance it could be a draw I suppose. Might be nice as an epic poem. But not enough humour for me I'm afraido. NO

The Pinkie Device
Something about the style of this really turned me off - dialogue felt stunted and contrived, and I just couldn't get into the characters. Sorry NO

Theatre of Dreams
Some nice dialogue, nice flow and a coupla funny moments, although feels slightly meandering. MAYBE

There Must Be Someone Else
Preferred this to the other entry, although again feels dated and some of the cruder jokes are neither too-far crude or too-light, and just sit uncomfortably in the middle. Story is better though MAYBE

Treading Water
I'm really sorry but just don't want to read any more scripts about no-hopers, or students, or idiots sitting around talking about their shit lives. It worked in the Young Ones cos it was so surreal and over-the-top, and Spaced worked cos they had personalities and was stylistically pretty good, but I can't get on with the characters here and thus don't find any amusement in what they're saying. There's some nice lines here however, but it just didn't click with me. Sorry NO

University of Life
As above, I was immediately turned off this. Students. Meh. The eating the face cream bit was funny, but the rest was just fairly standard students-sitting-around type stuff. Not my cup of tea. Didn't see the need for the lengthy character descriptions at the start - made me dislike the characters from the get-go. Sorry to sound like a prick. NO

Urban Guerillas
Few nice exchanges but found the story somewhat muddled and couldn't empathise with the characters too well. Sorry NO

You will all be delighted to know that I am counting up your votes. I have a table in front of me with columns and names and votes and... you bastards. This is as tortuous as reading the bloody scripts themselves.

Seriously thanks, your votes are excellent, valuable and genuinely rather heartwarming. Enough people have participated in this process to make me eager to do it again soon.

It is, however, taking me a bit of time to key in all your Yes, Maybes & Nos, so (as dear Miranda of this parish might say) bear with.

Kev F
Official Vote Counter
The Sitcom Trials http://sitcomtrials.co.uk

Quote: Kev F @ June 21 2011, 11:49 PM BST

I've been going through them in reverse alphabetical order and have only got this far before bedtime has caught up with me. These reviews were written in the reverse order they appear here. I'll do the rest as soon as I can. Remember, despite my "title" in regards the Sitcom Trials, my votes have no bigger influence or importance than anyone else's.

Kev F

Kev, did you by chance get to read/review/vote on those excellent scripts starting with an 'A'?!?

still and hour till deadline for reviews mine will be posted shortly just 4 more to go

This is where the fun starts...

Are there any writers whose work I missed out who want me to {a} post a vote on theirs in the next 45 minutes? or (b) NOT post a vote on theirs in the next 45 minutes?

I think I'm running at less than 20% YES so it's a gamble.

It took a while, but I've finally put together my votes. They'll annoy some and delight others but never mind, that's the subjective nature of comedy.

3 BITCHES - NO
Though it is refreshing to see a script starring three female characters, I couldn't warm to them I'm afraid. There are a few good lines but I just didn't like the 'toilet' humour.

AGENT OF CHAOS - NO
I didn't really understand this script. Seemed like one chap talking and everyone else was there to support his gags. It's also way, way too long.

AMATEURS - NO
Some of the lines were quite funny but nothing much happens. However, I did particularly like the stage direction "There are a couple of minutes of silence. They look around the room." A couple of minutes of silence! Love to see that on stage.

AN EX RATED DATE - MAYBE
Straight into the main plot and there's an obvious rivalry between Bob and Sarah. It feels like this is a draft script rather than a polished one and it could have been better with a little more time spent on it. Still, enjoyable to read and it could be staged. If I'm being VERY nitpicky, there are a few grammar and punctuation failures in the script that ticked me off a little.

ANALYSTS - NO
Breaking the fourth wall is always risky and I'm not sure it's a risk worth taking in this script. The last line is pushing it a bit and it'd be pretty tragic if it didn't work. Natalie needs to come into the script earlier to keep it alive. Still, there are a few good lines in it.

AND IT'S LIFE AND LIFE ONLY - MAYBE
There are a few forced bits of dialogue in this script (Toby asks "So how come you and Lia broke up?" - surely if he's gone to the trouble of going to a campsite to help Rufus out he'd know this already?) but I did laugh in places. It does fall a bit flat at the very end, which might work well in a 30 minute TV show but would leave a live audience a tad unimpressed.

APOCALYPSE, JOHN - YES
A bit biased on this one. Still, it's got zombies in it, plus wine, plus a cauliflower, so it can't be all bad.

AS SICK AS A PARROT - MAYBE
Thought this was an enjoyable read, even though the cliffhanger was a little obvious. It has potential and I'd be interested in seeing a longer script.

BI-POLAR - YES
I really really liked this. A very clever situation with two good characters, good dialogue to move the plot along at a good pace and some good gags in there too. I think someone else mentioned that there might need to be teams of people at each pole to provide a bit more depth, but in terms of a 10 minute stage show I think this is pretty spot on. One of the best entries in this competition.

BROKEN RECORDS - NO
Couldn't get into this one, I thought it was a little bit slow. Plus it has 5 characters in it when the guidelines ask for no more than 4.

CHECKPOINT DAVE - YES
Loved the relationship between the characters and the Penbry character was particularly amusing (pencils!). Slight surreal comedy but done really well, with a decent storyline moving things along nicely.

COMETH THE PADRE - NO
I found this pretty heavy going to read through and didn't laugh much. Doesn't seem to have much of a 'voice' about it, it seems too unbelievable and confused.

DEAD HEALTHY - NO
The John character is a bit too unlikeable, to the point where I'm not sure I'd want to watch him for any length of time. Also his referring to himself in the third person all the time just got irritating. As has been previously mentioned, there's a lot of dialogue at the beginning that could have been incorporated somehow into the main bulk of the dead guy story.

ENVIROMENTLY FRIENDLY - MAYBE
Yes, the title is spelt incorrectly, which isn't exactly a tragedy but it doesn't look too professional. A nice, well paced read with some amusing if curious cult references (Quantum Leap, Fraggles etc). Certainly has potential.

FOOTLIGHTS - NO
None of the characters are particularly likeable or believable. There's a lot of 'banter' that doesn't drive the plot anywhere or develop the characters and some of the jokes are a bit crude for my liking.

FOUR IN A GYM - NO
There is a LOT of talking in this. I'll admit, at points I was skim-reading the script just to get through it. It went on for too long and all the characters were too similar. Plus the cliffhanger isn't really a cliffhanger, just a nice break in the story.

GOD COMPLEX - MAYBE
I enjoyed reading this and can see how it would work well on stage. Puts me in mind of a more holy Old Harry's Game. This would have been a definite yes if it were not for the fact that it is way, way too long. If the pre-cliffhanger scenes are lass than 8 minutes long then it is indeed a miracle.

HARDCOW - NO
Didn't laugh at all whilst reading this. The characters were all a bit too similar in their voices and I thought they were a bit too unpleasant.

HIGHWAY TO HELL - NO
This script is lacking a spark, the incident or event that the characters react to. Consequently nothing much happens, it just seems to be people chatting to each other.

KEITH LYMINGSTONE-BROWN - YES
Immediately I like the full name of this script (Keith Lymingstone-Brown's Astonishing Escapades Through Time). The script itself is pretty good, with some decent characters that seem to work well together. It's a shame it's been written for television (ie 'FADE TO BLACK') rather than stage but this is a funny, well written script.

LIGHTNING - YES
Quite a smart script, with some good jokes in it. The end seems a bit flat, as though the ideas and enthusiasm just suddenly vanished (or the deadline approached maybe) but I enjoyed reading this.

LIVING WITH DANGER - NO
As much as I love the idea of a super-hero comedy, I didn't love this. The characters weren't particularly well defined and there was no cliffhanger, not even a second part.

LO-FI - MAYBE
The pacing of this script was good and the dialogue was ok, but the characters were all pretty much interchangeable; none of them had a distinct enough voice. Still, I laughed in places.

*** At this point it was getting pretty late, so with the deadline looming I've had to cut my reviews pretty short - Apologies to everyone who gets brief feedback! ***

MATES RATES - NO
Seems far too long for the brief, plus I didn't like the characters much.

MIDDLING: 'THE GATE' - YES
Quite liked the interaction between Sarah and Lee. Nice, simple plot that I could see working on stage.

NO PROSPECT - NO
I just didn't find this funny enough. Seemed a bit boring and the dialogue could have been sharper.

NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT - NO
Way too long, too many scenes, too many characters, too much going on for what is essentially a ten minute stage piece.

OLD MAN - NO
This looks to be written for television and the writers haven't bothered to alter it for stage. For example, one of the scenes is "LELA AND JACK JUMP ON THEIR BED, TEARING EACH OTHERS CLOTHES OFF." That's it. Unstageable.

OUTGOINGS - YES
Really enjoyed reading this. I liked the initial exchange between Helen and Karen and the cliffhanger left me wanting to know what had happened. My only concern would be that, by it's very nature, much of the first scene is quite static, which might not look too thrilling on stage. Still, the dialogue makes up for it.

PRIVILEGE - YES
Really liked the Peter character and I somehow wanted him to be even more unpleasant and self-obsessed. Good banter between the characters, good plot and it all flows together nicely.

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL - NO
Went on a bit and I got a little bit fed up reading this. I just wanted to slice out all the twaddle and get to the action.

SHIT HAPPENS - NO
Sorry to the author, but I couldn't even read to the end of this. Two blokes, sitting there, swearing lots, is not my idea of comedy. Nothing much happens and it's just filled with unnecessary profanity.

SHOCK TREATMENT - YES
Love the name Sirius Lime and I liked this script. Surreal, a bit mad and funny, with a proper cliffhanger that made me want to know what happened next.

SINGING THE BLUES - MAYBE
Like a bit of football humour and this was done well. A nice read. Characters and dialogue could have been sharpened a little, it feels like an early draft that's waiting to be worked on some more.

SUPERFOOD - MAYBE
This starts off OK but disappointingly tails off toward the end. Needs a bit more work.

THE OAP BUS - NO
I just didn't get this at all. Perhaps it's not 'my kind' of humour but I didn't like it. I'd suggest that it needs a third character to mix things up a little.

THE OLDHAM CHRONICLES - NO
Didn't warm to the characters at all and probably missed some gag explaining why there were so many words ending in 'O'.

THE PINKIE DEVICE - MAYBE
Felt that this went on for way too long but I did like the somewhat archaic, over-the-top language used. Has potential and I'd be intrigued to see what it looks like on stage.

THEATRE OF DREAMS - MAYBE
Felt like it needed a little more direction but it made me laugh in places. Not sure where the cliffhanger is though.

THERE MUST BE SOMEONE ELSE - NO
Too wordy and no cliffhanger. I did enjoy it more than the other Gymlife script though.

TREADING WATER - MAYBE
Made me chuckle in parts but the plot wasn't engaging enough to hold my attention all the way through.

UNIVERSITY OF LIFE - NO
I waited for stuff to happen and it never did. Not much action in this one, just another script where people sit around and chat.

URBAN GUERILLAS - YES
Enjoyed reading this, even though it took a while to get going. Nice characters, though I wonder how much series potential there is. However, for a 10 minute stage piece this script is fine.

Remember I'm no one so don't get too hung up if I gave you a 'no''. I could of found a reason to at least give every script a 'maybe' if not a 'yes'. Also sorry if I missed one or two but I had a slight contact lens situation which slowed the whole review process down-

Shit Happens. Vote - NO
I just didn't get it, although for a younger generation this could be their Shakespeare

The Oldham Chronicles. Vote - NO
Not for me just didn't quite grab me, but it may translate better on stage

And It Life And Only Life. Vote - YES
Well written, good dialogue, the story needs to be tweaked to fulfil it's potential on stage

Rock. Vote - NO
I found the situation but not the comedy. Although I wouldn't say scrape the idea just a bit of fine tuning is required. I think this script needs a few through away lines which is very different to what most scripts need. The humour is mainly character and story driven which does not always carry to the reader from the page.

Apocalypse John. Vote - MAYBE
A good read, a well executed version of the zomcom idea

3 Bitches. Vote - NO
The humour was a bit too 'two pints' for me but 'two pints' is popular and is continually recommissioned so there is obviously an audience out there for this type of sitcom

Environmently Friendly. Vote - NO
There just wasn't enough gags to cover the minimal story, if the story is reworked it could fulfil it's potential.

Singing the Blues - It's a Blunderful Life Vote - NO
The author tried something different, nice idea but just didn't grab me. Hope for his sake that this forum is not full of Norwich fans

An Ex Rated Date Vote - Vote - MAYBE
More of a sketch than a sitcom but had some good dialogue

THEATRE OF DREAMS - Vote - YES
Good characters, good lines

God Complex - Vote - MAYBE
As an atheist I don't believe this sitcom exists. The God character was good, with the right casting this could do well. The beginning scene did seem like an after thought though and the ending didn't live up to the middle

lo-fi Vote - Vote - NO
There is something there just needs to have a bit more of an underlining story to carry the dialogue

Old Man - Vote - NO
A few good lines but didn't really get going

As Sick As A Parrot Vote - YES
The interchange between the chairmen and the manager was nicely done and this would work well as a weekly sketch with topical gags. Maybe the girlfriend character could be changed to be the players agent. Probably feels dated to premiership fans but if you support a lower league club its spot on

BI-POLAR Vote - MAYBE
Good setup with some good dialogue got a bit lost in the middle though

ReasonstoBeCheerful Vote- NO
Initially I couldn't get past the 'You're the Peter Kay of comedy' line at the start, as Peter Kay is the Peter Kay of comedy. Surely it should be 'You're the Mohamed Al Fayed of comedy' or 'You're the Bucks Fizz of comedy' or whatever fits (I know these don't). Maybe I'm wrong and 'You're the Peter Kay of comedy' line is in fact correct in the context of this script and that is the joke, if so I apologise. Why have I just wrote all that about one line, hang on I'm still doing it, I better stop and move on to the review. It is pun heavy but that is not automatically a bad thing. Could probably rework the script into a puntastic stand up act as the material is there.

Privilege Vote - Vote - YES
This is mine and it seems to be the done thing to vote 'yes' for your own script.

Agent of Chaos Vote- MAYBE
Well written with some funny lines but mostly the gags are a bit too topical. Although any sitcom that name checks Floella Benjamin is worth a watch in my opinion

THE OAP BUS Vote - YES
I liked it and it was actually quite 'charming' which is a word I thought Id never use to describe a sitcom script. It's got a BBC4 sitcom feel which I'm sure is a good thing.

University of Life Vote- MAYBE
The name of the author behind the text was a bit annoying. Too short to really distinguish the characters but it did have a good few lines that made me smile and for that it is a maybe.

BROKEN RECORDS.doc Vote - NO
Even though there was some good lines and its got potential it could do with some tweaking to pace the story out

Keith Lymingstone-Brown Vote - MAYBE
Well I've finally seen the words 'time' and 'merkin' hyphenated so that's another thing crossed out on the list, just swimming with dolphins left.

Caroline R.I. - Removed before I reviewed it

Amateurs script Vote- NO
I didn't really get the overall premise but the dialogue was good and nicely put together

URBAN GUERILLAS Vote - MAYBE
The action was good and let the dialogue and story develop, the script may need to be refined for the stage though

NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT Vote - NO
Didn't really grab me which I know sounds like a cope out of a review. It was wrote well and the jokes were there, I guess I'm not the target audience.

There must be someone else Vote - MAYBE
Not a massive fan of dialogue that is wrote in the characters accent which appears in a number of the scripts on here. Was the Bernie character a nod to 'Weekend at Bernies'? Also would a lions costume be feasible for a pub theatre page in hand read?. Apart from that it was quite readable with some fun lines

The Pinkie Device. Vote - NO
The dialogue was not bad but I think it was let down by the uninspiring setup but maybe that's just because I personally can't stand golf

MATES RATES Vote -NO
Again it just didn't grab me although there was quite a good under lying idea to some of the dialogue

SuperFood - Vote -NO
Nice idea but didn't really fulfil its initial potential

Treading water Vote - MAYBE
Didn't get the whole menu thing but the dialogue was done well. Did make me think that having a label on the top of the can is not actually a bad idea

Analysts - Vote -\MAYBE
I got a bit lot in the middle but that's probably is more my fault than the authors. Nice try at something a bit different with a definite underlying story

Footlights -Vote - NO
At first I couldn't get passed the 'with only me piss slaps to slow me down' line, but I did finally read it and even though its not my thing I could see people liking this as I'm sure 'bottom' didn't look amazing on the page

FOUR IN A GYM Vote - MAYBE
Some good lines, it nearly fell into the 'just people talking' vibe but was a good read

Shock Treatment Vote - MAYBE
Some well defined characters and some funny lines

Cometh the Padre Vote - MAYBE
Very wordy and quite a bit of explanining the premise before the gags. I have just read 14 scripts so im not sure if I can give this a fair review as the scripts are beginning to merge together in my head but it did make me laugh

Checkpoint Dave -Vote - YES
I really liked this and got the feel for it straight away, could work well as a sitcom or a one off play. Good Work

Highway to Hell Vote - NO
Sorry I just didn't quite get the humour in this one but there is something there

Outgoings- Vote - MAYBE
Paced well and it wasn't a struggle to read unlike a few others

the end

Quote: Badge @ June 26 2011, 11:13 PM BST

Are there any writers whose work I missed out who want me to {a} post a vote on theirs in the next 45 minutes? or (b) NOT post a vote on theirs in the next 45 minutes?

I think I'm running at less than 20% YES so it's a gamble.

Don't think I'll risk it...

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