All in all, a good exercise to go through them as seeing the mistakes other people make always helps improve your own writing. I've tried to be as helpful with the comments as possible, as it's the 'NO' scripts that most need the feedback, critique to help know where to focus improvements and thanks to people who have critiqued mine (regardless of result) so I know what to work on to improve it.
I've sort of enjoyed it, as fun of a good script tends to make up for many bad ones, though if you read four or five bad ones in a row, you question the point of life.
If anyone cares how I read, I started at mine and read down the list, then read the additional ones in the bottom half, then read upwards from mine to the top.
Anyway, here are the results from me:
MIDDLING: 'THE GATE'
Can't we have airport announcements to set the scene, instead of just two people talking? At least every so often that would pull us back into why two people are trapped together at the airport. The reason could change every so often too, in a humourous way each time. It wasn't interesting until Rachel turned up and then I got into it, but took too long to get there. Though it would have been better if the secret was much bigger; like he was married to Rachel and neglected to mention it to Sarah. A few funny lines too, so MAYBE.
3 BITCHES
Couldn't really differentiate between the characters and didn't buy in to them. People chatting amongst themselves and nothing happening. This should have started with the 'him shagging her in bed whilst I was there' and taking it from there. Some funny lines in there though but NO.
AGENT OF CHAOS
It's just a stand-up character. He needs fleshing out properly to fit into a sitcom. Nothing happens, he just goes on about conspiracies. Way too long. NO.
AMATEURS
All characters sound the same and stand around talking about nothing in particular. Nothing happens. NO.
AN EX RATED DATE
Why does this have to be in a pub with a mate? This could be at home, where one of the people is coming to pick up 'their stuff'. Sarah suddenly changes character for no reason which is irritating in the extreme. Some sort of morality tale rather than sitcom. NO.
ANALYSTS
Characters come out nicely straight away. Big paragraphs need to be broken up a bit with some interaction. I like the breaking the fourth wall bit very much, but risky as f**k at the end. Natalie needs to be more involved earlier and less two-dimensional. Maybe a bit too dark for sitcom at the end and more of a one-act play as I can't see it progressing beyond this episode. MAYBE
AND IT'S LIFE AND LIFE ONLY
Completely unnecessary first scene that could be incorporated into the second scene. Bit with the drink is good as it seems like plot. Suzie is massively inconsistent as a character so it's hard to buy into. Noah is alright but the other two are not interesting. A few good lines but most of the material covered is unoriginal and done to death. Not really a cliffhanger in it. NO
APOCALYPSE, JOHN - HUNTER
Straight into the plot with lots of jokes. Plot bounds along at pretty much perfect pace. Very funny, nice twist, good ending. Easily YES.
AS SICK AS A PARROT
Does well as gets into a plot straight away allowing the characters to come out of that. Some good lines, I laughed a lot and was entertained so YES.
BI-POLAR
Like the characters and situation, though probably needs teams at each pole for more storylines. Dialogue short, snappy and progresses the plot at a good pace. Really good jokes. Very funny and lots of different types of humour being used, so has a broad reach. I like the ending a lot. Probably the funniest. Definitely YES.
BROKEN RECORDS
Some good lines made me laugh, so it is funny. There is some good structure with set-up and punchlines and it wasn't a drag to read. I do like Nigel as a character completely out of touch with society. That works. Don't really understand why Cesar comes in the store if he's so hip. However, the only semblance of a plot is Noel coming back in for some exposition. Can't Nigel recognise him at the beginning and hide from him? Then have to explain/distract from the reason. Then it's more interesting for everyone watching. Has a lot of potential so MAYBE.
CAROLINE R.I.
Characters all sound the same. Bad punctuation made it difficult to read, not doing it any favours in voting. There are some decent jokes wrapped up in lines so long that the rhythm is lost and the joke fails. Those big paragraphs need breaking up with a bit of interaction from the other characters. Just people talking and nothing happening. The bit after the cliffhanger seems longer than the bit before. NO.
CHECKPOINT DAVE
Ace characters and, vitally, hit the nail on the head perfectly with the character relationships. Funny, nice twists and turns, written well for the brief and stage. Superb. YES.
COMETH THE PADRE
Too much talking for no reason at the beginning. Like the Padre character, but we should be straight into the two plots that turn up later: Quint and the second reverend. They are two separate episodes in reality and should be explored. Potential is there but needs a major rewrite so NO.
DEAD HEALTHY
Characters two dimension and all sound the same. John thoroughly unlikeable in particular and has no depth. Just loads of useless banter at the beginning when it could get straight into the guts of the dead person plot. We don't care about what they did and when, just get on with it and tell us the story. NO.
ENVIROMENTLY FRIENDLY
Unforgiveable spelling mistake in title. Like the two characters and they have potential for more stories, but the real plot is the Litter Angels threatening them. This needs to happen page one and any character banter needs to evolve from that storyline. I did laugh though, as there are some funny lines in there. A tentative MAYBE, if only because it deserves more recognition than many of the other scripts.
FOOTLIGHTS
Too long to get going. Kev asks a question: everyone goes off on one for two pages, resulting in just chat and no plot. Don't care about the characters; they all seem flat, mundane and sound the same. Far too self-aware re: cliffhanger. May be a genius strategy, but I doubt it. NO.
FOUR IN A GYM
Lots of *long* speeches. Characters all sound the same and I don't care about them. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long. Just people talking. No plot (though it appears to try to set lots of them up). No cliffhanger. NO
GOD COMPLEX
Great concept, great start. Signs/pens thing goes on too long where there should be more of a plot going on. Good characters, good dialogue, funny. Scene 2 should be the first scene and scenes 1 and 3 combined. Too long and a weak ending but one of the most enjoyable ones I've read. YES.
HARDCOW
Just two people talking, nothing happens. No cliffhanger. Didn't find it funny. NO.
HIGHWAY TO HELL
Just two blokes talking. Nothing happens, no inciting incident, no plot, nothing. Occasional good gag but that's it. NO
KEITH LYMINGSTONE-BROWN
No plot for a long time. Too much tell, don't show. Good premise but we should be seeing all the time-travelling, not the talking about it afterwards. NO.
LIGHTNING
Like the premise, but characters not really interesting enough. Too little plot, needs more resolution. No cliffhanger. NO.
LIVING WITH DANGER
No cliffhanger as far as I can see. And one of the characters needs to have more of a point to him, but it is funny and I liked it. YES
LO-FI
Can't really tell the difference between the characters. No plot, no cliffhanger. Some funny stuff in there but it's more stand-up than sitcom. Elements very difficult to stage. NO
MATES RATES
Way too long and pretty much unstageable, if only due to number of props. Too many characters. But, you know what, it was funny and I like the two main characters a lot -- well-defined, have purpose and, just to reiterate, it was funny! YES (but needs simplifying)
NO PROSPECT
Didn't like the characters. Seemed very old fashioned humour. Odd decent line but on the whole I didn't enjoy it so NO.
NOT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT
Too many characters. All character's voices the same -- nothing to distinguish them, and I didn't care about any of them. No cliffhanger. NO.
OLD MAN
Unstageable. Not funny. No plot. NO.
OUTGOINGS -- NO. 1 CHRISTMAS HIT
Mine, so obviously YES
PRIVILEGE
Funny stuff. Good characters and laughed a lot. Weak ending but YES.
REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL
Long time to get going. Not much plot going on. Not funny enough. Very 'first episode'. NO
ROCK
There's a good idea in there but it's just not funny enough. First bit seems short, end bit too long. NO
SHIT HAPPENS
Erm... Not funny enough for my tastes. Also not that much plot going on. NO
SINGING THE BLUES -- IT'S A BLUNDERFUL LIFE
Weird enough that it was starting to work, but not really funny enough. Didn't really care about the characters. NO
SHOCK TREATMENT
Like the main character and scenario a lot. Plot could be better so MAYBE.
SUPERFOOD
Liked the boss character but potential not realised. NO
THE OAP BUS
No jokes anywhere in it. Not much to the characters. No plot either. NO
THE OLDHAM CHRONICLES
Too short. No cliffhanger. Not sure if this is a pisstake or not. Not funny. NO
THE PINKIE DEVICE
Too long. Felt a bit all over the place with no main plot. Not funny enough. NO
THEATRE OF DREAMS
Liked the characters. Bit plot light but is funny. No cliffhanger. MAYBE
THERE MUST BE SOMEONE ELSE
No cliffhanger. Or plot. Or laughs or characters you care about. NO.
TREADING WATER
A few laughs but needs more. One good character but the others don't really have any character. Bit long. MAYBE.
UNIVERSITY OF LIFE
Nothing really happens. One character going somewhere, others two-dimensional. Laughed at the towel bit though. NO
URBAN GUERILLAS
Decent sitcom here: has a plot, doesn't resort to banter and has a few funny gags. Perhaps too long, and uses 5 characters but, from me, a YES.
Dan
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