Sitcom Trials Manchester 2011 - scripts invited Page 10

3 Bitches: Amusing little read, paced out quite nicely, dialogue snappy and focused, characters good, cliffhanger came in on the button, end piece good...

Yes

Kev,

Well this took me by surprise--I think it's a great solution for avoiding some of the problems of the online poll. Good idea!

I'll get cracking on my reviews.

Edit: People who didn't upload their file to the right folder on sitsvac get an immediate "no" right?

Agent of Chaos: How many characters, how many slugs, how many pages..?

No

Environmental Friendly: Liked it. Very daft, possibly too daft but can see it working on stage in a pub. Not sure about ending but good enougb for a ...

Yes

First of all, BIG thanks to Kev for uploading my script. Curiously, Yahoo Groups has now started working for me, and I can see all of the scripts.

You couldn't make it up.

This is a massive task (ask?) so I'm going to go through the A-C set of scripts to start with:

3 Bitches - No
Bit of a Two Pints vibe. Good dialogue but not my cup of tea

Agent of Chaos - Maybe
Nice idea, Citizen Smith combined with Ever Decreasing Circles (even down to the van!) - like it! Too many locations though, hence the Maybe.

Amateurs - No
Nice setting, some unimaginative gags (fart/curry) in a clever scenario that makes the whole thing more of a sketch than a short sitcom.

An Ex Rated Date - Maybe
Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads on acid? Hmm, I like this, we've all been there I think

Analysts - Yes
Slightly smug at the end, but a great cliffhanger, some good stuff throughout!

And It's Life And Life Only - Maybe
Funny, but got confused as to who had split up and who walked out. Transgender gags - not sure if a transwoman would say "I'm a man"...? Also the female/transwoman dialogue is largely awful. Three guys have great interplay but Suzie's dialogue reads like yuo've never met a woman

Also no cliffhanger, and at least the first two scenes could have been all in the same single location.

Apocalypse, John Hunter - Maybe
ENjoyable but the second character is stupider than Father Dougal. I like the concept though.

As Sick As A Parrot - Yes
I had a similar idea in reserve, so had high hopes for this one. Despite a poor closing line (perhaps should have just left them out there?) and topical jokes (which don't work in sitcoms) this was a great read!

Bi-Polar - Yes
I liked this. THe different locations hardly makes it a problem as they're identical (other than slight magnetic differences) and its amusing, if slightly whimsical in places.

Broken Records - No
Is this a record shop? There is nothing that says so. Also, footballers? Again, this dates sitcoms. I'm sorry but this didn't grab me at all, I didn't care about the characters and it didn't seem to go anywhere

Checkpoint Dave - Yes
Felt like a Goodies sketch to me, thoroughly bonkers and I like the concept.

Cometh the Padre - YES
Brilliant! The Padre reminds me of Michael Palin as Devious in "The Bishop" from MPFC. This is really good.

I'll be back later with more ratings...

PS, thanks all for leaving your email addresses in your scripts. I'll be harvesting them now and selling them onto Viagra merchants

University of life - No
A few good lines but not enough and didn't personally like the cliffhanger.

Oldham Chronicles: No
Completely bonkers. Can imagining others loving it but not for me and couldn't work out if it had a cliffhanger or not.

Quote: Declan @ June 19 2011, 11:40 PM BST

I've entered. Now you can all get your revenge. I look forward to 1200+ NO votes.

Cheers, Dec

View original

Whats's yours called Declan??

For some reason I can't start a new thread so I just have to use quote.

Sitcom Trail polls
3 Bitches. One or two funny lines. This comedy isn't anything new. Not my cup of tea at all though, I just didn't find it funny. Sorry.
Vote= No

Agent of Chaos. I liked the Rod character, maybe too much name dropping and cluttered dialogue for me. I would like to see this in a sketch rather than a full ep. Some funny dialogue though.
Vote= Maybe

God Complex. Far far too long. 23 pages? I loved the idea of it though, but the execution wasn't there. The entire first scene with the pens could be scrapped cos it added nothing to the piece. There were some funny bits and it could be made a lot funnier with a few re-drafts. I don't know why but I did like it, but it could be a lot better.
Vote= Maybe

Enviromently Friendly. Loved it. By far the best one I've read so far. This would defo work on stage. Some very funny exchangers. Good cliff-hanger and funny ending.
Vote=Yes

Shit Happens. Didn't relate to this what so ever. Two old men swearing and talking about shit is not funny in my eyes. Read about half and couldn't read any more I'm afraid.
Vote=No

No Prospects. Very dated humour for me. There were some very cringe gags in there and not in a good way. No cliff hanger. A gay character called 'Dick', brilliant. Sorry but this is by far the worst script so far.
Vote= No

Rock. This is for a comedy contest yeah? Just not funny. No plot. No cliff hanger. The characters were nothing new. I'm sorry for being harsh but did you write this in five minutes and without a re-read?
Vote=No

University of Life. I would have loved to see some comedy in this...maybe a plot...a joke?...A cliff hanger?...a second half? Have people bothered to read the rules for this comp?
Vote=No

Treading Water. A bit of a poor man's 'Peep Show'. I do like the Alex character though, he had some funny dialogue and exchangers. Could work on the stage.
Vote=Maybe

There must be someone else. I really liked this. Laughed out loud a few times. Would love to see this performed on stage. Good work.
Vote=Yes

Amateurs. I liked the idea. Some funny parts. The ending was weak but overall it was alright. Could do with funnier exchangers.
Vote=Maybe

Theartre of Dreams. Yeah this worked for me. A couple of lol moments. I can see it being performed on stage. A little long for the contest though. Good job
Vote=Yes

The Pinkie Device. Not much to laugh at here. Didn't laugh once. Could not relate to it. It might be that I'm a stupid working class gimp, but I just didn't get it I'm afraid.
Vote=No

The Oldham Chronicles. WTF! Was the writer on acid when writing this? Would work really well as a short sketch but as an episode it would quickly become tiresome. I'm not a fan of swearing in comedy, I don't mind the odd shit, or piss, but f**king this and that doesn't wash with me.
Vote=No

Superfood. I couldn't finish this I'm afraid, just got bored and started watching tele instead. The idea has been done to death, it wasn't funny and it was just boring. So sorry.
Vote=No

Cometh the Padre. What's the budget for the Sitcom Trails stage shows cos Cometh the Padre has blown it. Isn't the idea of the Sitcom Trails to be like a radio play? This just won't work on the night and for that reason, I'm out.
Vote=No

I'll read and vote on the rest when my eyes stop bleeding.

Quote: Mooky @ June 20 2011, 5:32 PM BST

Sitcom Trail polls

Enviromently Friendly. Loved it. By far the best one I've read so far. This would defo work on stage. Some very funny exchangers. Good cliff-hanger and funny ending.
Vote=Yes

View original

I take it this is your entry...

#iknowhowyouvotedlastsummer

Quote: RedZed333 @ June 20 2011, 6:41 PM BST

I take it this is your entry...

#iknowhowyouvotedlastsummer

View original

I really can't believe some people.
Anyway...

And its life and life only. Wow what a read! A true classic in the making!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An ex rated date. Wow what a read! A true classic in the making!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote: RedZed333 @ June 20 2011, 6:41 PM BST

I take it this is your entry...

#iknowhowyouvotedlastsummer

View original

That's exactly what I think

Hmm. Same spelling mistake too.

Apart from a couple, [which I won't name] none of the pieces have done 'Show not tell', plus I haven't been able to detect any proper story lines or cliff hangers. They mostly seem to be just conversation with nothing much happening. Some are far too long.
I have to say I didn't think that this would be the voting system, I thought one would just be able to click on the sitcom that the voter thought the best.

Heres some more votes for the Sitcom Trails

An Ex rated date. Sort of like a long sketch, well written though with some funny dialogue. I liked the characters too. Could be made funnier with some re-drafts.
Vote=Maybe

Shock Treatment. This is really good. Loved the idea. Loved Dr Lime. Really well written and funny. This is one of the best scripts so far. Nice work
Vote=Yes.

Reasons to be cheerful. Not much I can say about this. I would re-think the entire idea and add something in that is funny.

Vote=No
Analysts. Not my cup of tea. Good structure but it just lacked comedy.
Vote=No

Quote: evertsen @ June 20 2011, 7:22 PM BST

Hmm. Same spelling mistake too.

View original

Just spelling the names as I see them on SitsVac mate. Call the cops!!!!!
Some people need to get a grip on here.