Northern elegance

INT. ROMANOV IMPERIAL BALLROOM - EVENING

A marvellously lavish ballroom, filled with beautiful ladies and gallant gentlemen. The orchestra strikes up and the guests engage each other for a waltz. The music and setting create a wonderfully romantic atmosphere, readily apparent in all the guests.

LADY: Oh, Sir you dance a splendid waltz.

As they continue to dance her partner nods his head and gives a smile.

LADY: This is the most wonderful evening, so much I think myself the luckiest...

Her partner puts his finger to her lips so she can say no more. They continue to dance until the music rests.

LADY: Oh my dear, I am enraptured. Please say you have loved this evening as I have?

MAN: Yeh, it were reet f**kin' good! I'm going for slash, get us a pint while I'm off.

Man walks off like a northern monkey. The lady smiles at him adoringly

END

Sorry but have you never seen a Boddington's advert?

I have! I have! Touche. But, wasn't thinking of it when popped into my head.

Another one then:

INT. PRISON VISITING ROOMS

2 mates separated by a pain of glass, we see only their faces with the phone held to their ears.

MAN #1: I can't take it man, I hate this place.

MAN #2: Just calm down dude.

MAN #1: Look at the way the guard is watching at me!

MAN #2: Stop being paranoid, he's not looking at you.

MAN #1: I'm starting to freak out, I can't handle it. All these rapists and murders. I gotta get out of here!

MAN #2: For f**k's sake, you're only bloody visiting! You've been here all of 2 minutes. I've 10 years you bastard!

MAN #1 looks embarrassed then slams the phone down and legs it. MAN #2 looks on in disappointment.

wouldn't be so bad if you got the syntax of northern man correct

Quote: Jammy Jim @ June 12 2011, 11:05 PM BST

INT. PRISON VISITING ROOMS

2 mates separated by a pain of glass, we see only their faces with the phone held to their ears.

MAN #1: I can't take it man, I hate this place.

MAN #2: Just calm down dude.

MAN #1: Look at the way the guard is watching at me!

MAN #2: Stop being paranoid, he's not looking at you.

MAN #1: I'm starting to freak out, I can't handle it. All these rapists and murders. I gotta get out of here!

MAN #2: For f**k's sake, you're only bloody visiting! You've been here all of 2 minutes. I've 10 years you bastard!

MAN #1 looks embarrassed then slams the phone down and legs it. MAN #2 looks on in disappointment.

View original

Made me chuckle

French & Saunders did something very similar to the prison sketch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBFifEXfNGI

Well, bloody hell. I'd never seen that.

It happens.

The first sketch I submitted on critique, turned out to have a very similar premise to an audio sketch performed by Peter Cook in 1965.

I'll never forgive Peter Cook for that, stealing my idea 12 years before I was born is just not cricket.