British Comedy Guide

The wannabe double act

This is something I just thought of, so this is a first draft. Probably hit and mainly miss, but thought I'd ask for some feedback. Imagine a double act, not in character (so playing themselves) but with the "cameras rolling". Hope it makes sense for you when you read it...

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

THE BEDROOM IS YELLOW WALLPAPERED WITH A SINGLE BED IN THE MIDDLE. ANDY IS SAT IN THE BED DOING THE CROSSWORD IN THE NEWSPAPER. THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.

ANDY
Come in.

HARRY POKES HIS HEAD AROUND THE DOOR.

HARRY
I’ve got it.

ANDY
What? 5 down? 6 letters. An artists first draft.

HARRY ENTERS THE ROOM, WEARING HIS PYJAMAS.

HARRY
No! An idea for our sketch show.

ANDY
You have got it! Sketch! Well done!

HARRY
No, you muppet! I’ve worked out how we can get the public to love us.

ANDY
Have you?

HARRY
Yes! I’ve worked out how we can become a national treasure.

ANDY
What is it?

HARRY
I’ve worked out-

ANDY
Yes, we know you’ve worked something out. What is it?

HARRY
We sleep together.

ANDY
You what?

HARRY
We sleep together.

ANDY
That’s what I thought you said. Listen boy, I don’t mind exploring new ideas, but I don’t see how going on an anal adventure is going to make us a great comedy double act.

HARRY
Don’t be so ridiculous! I don’t mean sleep together in a homosexual way; I mean as in literally sleep. Look at the greats: Laurel and Hardy, Morecambe and Wise. What do they have in common?

ANDY
Funnier material than us?

HARRY
They share a bed. And no-one thought they were gay. It made people think they had a strong bond. It made them loveable.

ANDY
I don’t think that’s the only reason why, but (PAUSE) go on, let’s give it a shot.

HARRY PUNCHES THE AIR WITH JOY AND RUNS OVER TO THE BED. HE LIFTS UP THE COVERS, BUT THEN REALISES THAT IT’S A TIGHT SQUEEZE BECAUSE IT’S A SINGLE BED.

HARRY
Either Morecambe and Wise had a bigger bed, or they were both midgets.

HARRY CLIMBS IN BUT THEY ARE VERY CLOSE AND THE EACH HAVE ONE LEG STUCK OUT OF THE SIDES.

HARRY
Are you gonna be hogging the covers all night or what?

ANDY
This is stupid!

HARRY
Alright, why don’t we go tops and tails?

ANDY
Good idea. Go on then.

HARRY
What why should I go? It was my idea!

ANDY
I need to be this way so I’m facing the camera. This face is keeping all the ladies tuned in. And let’s face it, we need all the viewers we can get.

HARRY
This isn’t working.

HARRY GETS OUT OF BED AND GOES OVER TO THE WINDOW. HE PULLS BACK THE CURTAIN. AN ICE CREAM VAN GOES PAST.

HARRY
He won’t get the hospital very fast going at that speed! Eh? Eh?

ANDY
No. Just no. Go back to your room.

HARRY HEADS TOWARDS THE DOOR LOOKING DISGRUNTLED.

HARRY
I bet Matt Lucas would go to bed with David Walliams if he asked.

A good little sketch I think but really just a one-offI think.

I particularly liked the image

HARRY CLIMBS IN BUT THEY ARE VERY CLOSE AND THE EACH HAVE ONE LEG STUCK OUT OF THE SIDES.

But of course not in a homo erotic way or anything.

Yeah, definitely a one-off. Thanks :) that's nicer feedback than I was expecting!

I know it mentions Morcambe and Wise in the sketch but I felt that it (your piece) had a similar atmosphere of the M&W show and also I liked its pace and style overall.

Quote: Blenkinsop @ December 31, 2007, 3:41 PM

I know it mentions Morcambe and Wise in the sketch but I felt that it had very much the atmosphere of the M&W show and also I liked the pace and style overall.

Ooh err, thats fantastic! I was aiming for that style/atmosphere so it pleases me you spotted it! Two kind of positive reviews makes it a success in my eyes! Haha, my first success!

Quote: charisma @ December 31, 2007, 2:52 PM

HARRY GETS OUT OF BED AND GOES OVER TO THE WINDOW. HE PULLS BACK THE CURTAIN. AN ICE CREAM VAN GOES PAST.

HARRY
He won’t get the hospital very fast going at that speed! Eh? Eh?

When I first misread this I thought you'd quoted the joke but notice now you reversed it. Very good.

I'm pretty sure that some other double act, perhaps Lee and Herring, made a comment that perhaps they should start sharing a bed together like Morcambe and Wise. I think when they said it, though, it was more of a brief exchange than a sketch.

Oh what?! That sucks! I haven't seen that, so it still kind of is an original idea...I think...

I think there's a sufficiently different spin on this to make it work. I find the exploration/adaptation of M&W material very interesting. First of all I thought of the crossword bit "hang on, that's a bit old hat", until I realised it was sort of self-reflexive.

This has sparked things off in my head. I like the idea of a duo living out M&W sketches without realsing it. The scene could start with some action similar to when M&W make breakfast to music, and carry on through as many memorable things they did as possible, ending with the duo's chagrin at being dubbed 'too derivative' when they read a review in bed. I find that idea funny anyway.

Quote: James Williams @ December 31, 2007, 5:23 PM

I think there's a sufficiently different spin on this to make it work. I find the exploration/adaptation of M&W material very interesting. First of all I thought of the crossword bit "hang on, that's a bit old hat", until I realised it was sort of self-reflexive.

This has sparked things off in my head. I like the idea of a duo living out M&W sketches without realsing it. The scene could start with some action similar to when M&W make breakfast to music, and carry on through as many memorable things they did as possible, ending with the duo's chagrin at being dubbed 'too derivative' when they read a review in bed. I find that idea funny anyway.

Thank you very much :) after I wrote this, I had the idea that the duo could appear in sketches of similar to styles to past double acts...just an idea.

Yep I liked it. Well done you.

This is the second sketch of yours I've read tonight and I like this one too. It's a funny original idea and that's hard to come by, I know that I personally like to try to be as original as possible when writing and I can see that you are the same. The sketch has a good flow to it as well.

Quote: Martin Holmes @ January 1, 2008, 8:21 PM

This is the second sketch of yours I've read tonight and I like this one too. It's a funny original idea and that's hard to come by, I know that I personally like to try to be as original as possible when writing and I can see that you are the same. The sketch has a good flow to it as well.

Cheers mate - I wish I had more original ideas, but this about it I think!

Oh and something else I wanted to say. It doesn't matter if it's just a "one-off" some people seem to think that is a negative thing, I think that is extremely positive. There is nothing worse than the same idea been brought back every week with just slight variations of the theme.

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