Sex after Retirement

Sex after Retirement

Woman has always been the hunter, and men the prey. Women live longer, so old men in full working order are an endangered species. Trade in their body parts is illegal.

Jack. Edna Jones asked me to mow her lawn.

Joe. She’s good at euphemisms.

Jack. Hadn’t been there two minutes when she propositioned me.

Joe. Blimey! I knew her husband; he complained she hardly ever propositioned him.

Jack. Straight out, take me to bed she said.

Joe Strange how old women’s libido picks up the minute the old man kicks the bucket.

Jack. I tried my best, but getting the popcorn’s not so easy these days.

Joe. You’ll have to get one of those plastic tube things, with the pump.

Jack. The one you stick your prick in.

Joe. That’s the one.

Jack. Do they work?

Joe. No idea.

Jack. Liar.

Joe. So what happened with widow hanky panky?

Jack. To try to perk me up, she did a striptease.

Joe. She’s got some front.

Jack. You can say again, her tits were like a Sumo wrestlers arse hanging from a hammock.

Joe. The brazen strumpet.

Jack. Brazen strumpet?

Joe. Invented by Hertz Van Brazen, a musical instrument that can be, plucked, sucked, banged or blown.
Jack. Sounds about right.

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My kind of thing. If its rude has swearing or is sarcastic then I am a fan. Well done matey.x

Hmmm.. maybe this one just wasn't for me.

Sorry Jerf I'm with Marion on this one. You can't sleep either Marion by the looks.

Quote: roscoff @ December 31, 2007, 1:51 AM

Sorry Jerf I'm with Marion on this one. You can't sleep either Marion by the looks.

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The wide awake club!!!

Are you by any chance nursing some poor sick animal that won't even buy you a drink even if he/she does make it through the night?

Yep!!!!!!!!!!

What a surprise. My next posting will 100 so I'm going to drink the half bottle of cava that's left in the fridge to celebrate. I hope your patient survives and if they do you can have a glass too. Oh what the hell have one anyway! It's good for drowning sorrows to.

Half a bottle of cava. Er .... how did that happen?
Happy 100 and fingers crossed for everything else.
ps. Joseph is doing just fine, thanks. x

Sketch seems a bit 'old school' to me. Oo-er missus, etc. And 'widow hanky-panky'!! Yikes, that half-pun was as smooth as sandpaper.

I'm a new boy, It,s probably 'old hat' because I'm old, I've published two other bits,the only one visited by the 'regulars' is the one with 'sex' in the title.

I looked at the other one, and it hurt my head trying to understand it!

Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ December 31, 2007, 11:16 AM

I'm a new boy, It,s probably 'old hat' because I'm old, I've published two other bits,the only one visited by the 'regulars' is the one with 'sex' in the title.

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So you're an old new boy, or a new old boy? Anyway welcome and I liked it - probably because I'm that generation too.

When she said "take me to bed" it couyld have been a misunderstanding about the flower bed. Which either she did mean and he didn't get or he he did get but she didn't mean - if you see what I mean.

Marion and Roscoff, get a room.
Charisma, Just in case you serious, Eats, Shoots and Gets Life, is a spoof.

Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ December 31, 2007, 4:50 PM

Charisma, Just in case you serious, Eats, Shoots and Gets Life, is a spoof.

View original

I get that it's a spoof of Eats, Shoots and Leaves; it's just too intellectual for me to get my head around over the "shut down" period of Christmas! I'm sure it's very clever though!