Early Stabs at Writing

I found a piece of paper in a drawer today which contained one of my first attempts at writing comedy. It was from 2007 and was part of a standup routine I was obviously working on at the time. It involved me slaughtering school children and being covered in their vomit as their mothers stood round shouting at me to stop reversing over the children's corpses. With hindsight, it was really desperate to be shocking and a poor attempt at that. I had a few influences at the time who were "shock" humour, so I imagine that's what I was trying to emulate. Badly.

Anyway, who else has found early pieces of writing and been absolutely appalled with content and execution etc?

Quote: Ben @ June 7 2011, 10:19 PM BST

I had a few influences at the time who were "shock" humour, so I imagine that's what I was trying to emulate. Badly.

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I think it's when you try to emulate your idols early on that you produce amateurish work that seemed amazing at the time. My first script at 16 was a terrible Scream ripoff, my next script (and phase) was a bad Breakfast Club / Ferris Bueller knock off and then at 18 or so I wrote (and cringingly even submitted to publishers) a novel that was heavily into goth/crow/rock style swooning and brooding.

With 20/20 hindsight these early attempts make me smile at my naivety, smart people at the time would tell me that an artist's voice only comes with many many years working and honing what stories/style is you and not your influences and time has proved that thinking right.

Although, as with weightlifters who look back on their early 'lifts' or bands who look back on early demos etc, there's no shortcut around time and I doubt anyone hits gold first time of trying, I think all in all these 'training excercises' and early attempts are what secretly unites all writers, paying dues so to speak.

By the way Ben, thank God that massacre/vomit routine was never peformed in public

a while ago I found a pilot I wrote whilst at Uni. I sent it to the BBC and they quite rightly rejected it. It was horrible. I read it recently and could feel my face turning red at the image of someone from the beeb reading this thing! I actually included a joke - loosely termed - about someone being asked to draw a bath and actually drawing a bath! I think the script I sent was a first draft and ego or stupidity said it didn't need any rework! I'm probably on a list of "never let this fool in the building" at the bbc because of that pilot

I wrote a short story for a magazine competition about 15 years ago.

Some of you 'young un's' will not have experienced the horrors of using a real typewriter and tipex.
This was pre-computer and word processor times.
Mistakes and spelling errors were wiped away with a blob of tipex. That is, if you caught the errors.

I still have the copy of that story that I submitted. (I used blue copy sheets under every page while typing)

At the time I couldn't wait for the magazine to come out to see my own work in print. It was never printed and I never heard anything from them.

I look at the story now(which was not bad) but the spelling and construction and syntax is the work of an 8 year old.

The first fairly-major thing I wrote was a comic novel 5 years ago. I liked it, honed it, sent it to mates for opinions, left it for a while and wrote other things...basically did all the things you're supposed to do.

I went back to it some months later and not only hated it, but I hated the person who wrote it. He was a nob!

Still, at least I know why so few of my friends speak to me.

Good thread Ben.

I think my first attempts at writing as we know it, were a couple of submissions to the new school magazine that didn't last very long.

I remember one was a Secret Diary of Adrian Mole (The TV series had just been on) He was wondering why there were camera crews in his bedroom & why his Mum had turned into Lulu.

The other one I remember was an Are you Gareth Hunt quiz.
It was multiple choice and c) would invariably be something to do with Coffee or Perms.

It would be funny to see them now, but I would certainly cringe a bit.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ June 10 2011, 12:34 AM BST

Good thread Ben.

I think my first attempts at writing as we know it, were a couple of submissions to the new school magazine that didn't last very long.

I remember one was a Secret Diary of Adrian Mole (The TV series had just been on) He was wondering why there were camera crews in his bedroom & why his Mum had turned into Lulu.

The other one I remember was an Are you Gareth Hunt quiz.
It was multiple choice and c) would invariably be something to do with Coffee or Perms.

It would be funny to see them now, but I would certainly cringe a bit.

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These are hilarious and prove some people have always had it.

The Adrian Mole thing sounds good, Steve.

Quote: Ben @ June 7 2011, 10:19 PM BST

It involved me slaughtering school children and being covered in their vomit as their mothers stood round shouting at me to stop reversing over the children's corpses.

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Very robot chicken [adult swim].
*pauses*
Slaughtering children with what?

Anakin's happy place; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljIhFSmJFr8

Quote: Ben @ June 7 2011, 10:19 PM BST

I found a piece of paper in a drawer today which contained one of my first attempts at writing comedy. It was from 2007 and was part of a standup routine I was obviously working on at the time. It involved me slaughtering school children and being covered in their vomit as their mothers stood round shouting at me to stop reversing over the children's corpses. With hindsight, it was really desperate to be shocking and a poor attempt at that. I had a few influences at the time who were "shock" humour, so I imagine that's what I was trying to emulate. Badly.

Anyway, who else has found early pieces of writing and been absolutely appalled with content and execution etc?

View original

Consider my interest piqued! Could you post this stand up stuff in Showcase/Critique, or PM it to me?

Quote: blahblah @ June 8 2011, 8:43 AM BST

..a pilot I wrote whilst at Uni. I sent it to the BBC..

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A few years ago, I responded to a BBC initiative called "New Writing" (note: "writing", not "writers"), by submitting a 6000 word "comic" short story. I was looking for help and feedback, and some constructive advice of course. I received 3 replies:

1) One female wrote words to the effect of: "This is disgusting. How anyone could ever laugh at this is beyond me.."

2) Another female replied: "Why have you sent this to the drama department?" (I hadn't). "The format is completely wrong for drama.."

3) Then a male replied with words to the effect of: "I have been forwarded your work by another department. I have not laughed so much in years.. it brought back such funny memories. However, the style is completely wrong for the BBC, way too rude. Maybe you should try publishing yourself?"

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ June 8 2011, 9:05 AM BST

I wrote a short story for a magazine competition about 15 years ago... the horrors of using a real typewriter and tipex...this was pre-computer and word processor times.

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Stephen.. with the best will in the world, "about 15 years ago" (c.1996) was not pre-PC or Word Processor. I still have a PC AND a WP from 1993...

.. but I do remember those pre-Photocopier/PC/WP days.. all that blue carbon paper.

I found something a few weeks back from a training course thingy I went on late in 2003. One of the ridiculous things we had to do in that week was present a 5 minute puppet show on a day in the life of our company.

I remember that I wrote almost all of it.

Turns out that it was my very first comedy sketch. The gags aren't great - being a satire on stuff that was going on at the time - but they are crammed in, with a gag every couple of lines. The overall structure of the 'sketch' is a little sloppy but it escalates reasonably well and hasn't got too much flabby dialogue. It's even got a reasonable punchline.

All in all, surprisingly good... or I've improved surprisingly little since. One or the other.

I seem to remember it going down pretty well with the other groups there - with several people citing it as one of the most enjoyable things on the course in the feedback session at the end.

I read my old work and it's very funny but completely unstructured and random. Now I'm not funny but very structured swings and round abouts.

Quote: Vader @ June 22 2011, 7:55 AM BST

Could you post this stand up stuff in Showcase/Critique, or PM it to me?

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The intense and crippling levels of cringing that I would experience if I tried this would render me unable to type. Sorry.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ June 22 2011, 1:22 PM BST

1) One female wrote words to the effect of: "This is disgusting. How anyone could ever laugh at this is beyond me.."

2) Another female replied: "Why have you sent this to the drama department?" (I hadn't). "The format is completely wrong for drama.."

3) Then a male replied with words to the effect of: "I have been forwarded your work by another department. I have not laughed so much in years.. it brought back such funny memories. However, the style is completely wrong for the BBC, way too rude. Maybe you should try publishing yourself?"

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Proof that... women are all humourless?