Hello all,
I'd welcome thoughts on the logline for my sitcom. The word limit is 25 words (it's for the bafta-competition mentioned elsewhere on the forum). Here's what I've got right now:-
Meet Dr. Lime, evil genius turned successful psychologist, whose fiendish methods boggle idealistic student Jane Defoe. Is he for real? Or madder than toast?
This comes in at 24 words. But does it do the trick? Thanks in advance for your help.
Quote: evan rubivellian @ June 7 2011, 1:28 PM BSTHello all,
I'd welcome thoughts on the logline for my sitcom. The word limit is 25 words (it's for the bafta-competition mentioned elsewhere on the forum). Here's what I've got right now:-
Meet Dr. Lime, evil genius turned successful psychologist, whose fiendish methods boggle idealistic student Jane Defoe. Is he for real? Or madder than toast?
This comes in at 24 words. But does it do the trick? Thanks in advance for your help.
Not working for me I'm afraid. Not really selling it.
Thanks, Marc--any tips for how to improve it? I always struggle with loglines.
I'd say keep your focus on one character and the conflict they face in the episode you've written. With your log line I'm not sure if the episode is about Dr Lime or Jane Defoe, or what the actual story is. Not that you spell the story out, it is supposed to tease the reader into wanting to find out more!
That's an excellent comment, phreaky--thanks!
I must check to see if the logline is supposed to be for the episode or for the entire series--I suspect it's the latter.
In the meantime I've come up with something more focussed on the central character. This comes in at 23 words:-
Shock Treatment - a sitcom
Forget comfy couches and talking cures--meet Dr Lime, psychologist and ex-criminal mastermind, for whom the best therapy usually involves a loaded gun.
Quote: evan rubivellian @ June 7 2011, 1:28 PM BSTHello all,
I'd welcome thoughts on the logline for my sitcom. The word limit is 25 words (it's for the bafta-competition mentioned elsewhere on the forum). Here's what I've got right now:-
Meet Dr. Lime, evil genius turned successful psychologist, whose fiendish methods boggle idealistic student Jane Defoe. Is he for real? Or madder than toast?
This comes in at 24 words. But does it do the trick? Thanks in advance for your help.
How about:
Realising that being an evil genius isn't for him, Dr Lime trys psychology. But can he convince colleagues that his methods are real, or pyschotic?
jacporov: that comes in at 25 words exactly! Nice one. I like it and think it could work well. I'll mull it over a bit. But I think you've got the right direction.
Thanks!
Quote: evan rubivellian @ June 7 2011, 5:52 PM BSTThat's an excellent comment, phreaky--thanks!
I must check to see if the logline is supposed to be for the episode or for the entire series--I suspect it's the latter.
In the meantime I've come up with something more focussed on the central character. This comes in at 23 words:-
Shock Treatment - a sitcom
Forget comfy couches and talking cures--meet Dr Lime, psychologist and ex-criminal mastermind, for whom the best therapy usually involves a loaded gun.
I personally think is ten times a better sounding show... the first one sounding too strong a contrast between wacky (evil genius) and real (idealistic student) but the second one intrigues me and conjures up (to me) a similarity (positive) with the Buddy Rydell character in Anger Management -
- ps, again personal opinion, if refined again I'd be careful with the term 'ex-criminal' and maybe say 'unorthodox' or 'disgraced' or whatever, and whilst I love the idea of a loaded gun in therapy, programme makers tend to be overly sensitive to social climate issues, ie; gun, knive etc.
Good luck with the entry 
No problem, it'll definitely need rewording. 25 words is really quite difficult.
He was a man. She was a quiche. There love was forbidden.
He's a detective who liked to paint and went by the book. His partner burnt books. Artsy and Nazi, do they have to paint you a picture?
She's a kooky single mum in the city. He's a psychopath who fights infants. But he's "having her baby!"
Bebopapaula: Glad you liked the second version! Good call on the Anger Management reference, there is a certain similarity but I hope this is different enough. I see your point on the "loaded gun" bit. Might need a rethink.
jacparov: 25 words is a bugger, but I think my problem is knowing too much about the project and trying to squeeze everything in.
sootyj: Maybe I should consider a more Hollywood approach:-
Shock Treatment - A Sitcom
Jackhammer meets Frazier. Be cured or die!
Anyway, thanks all--your comments have really helped me out here.
Quote: evan rubivellian @ June 7 2011, 5:52 PM BSTForget comfy couches and talking cures--meet Dr Lime, psychologist and ex-criminal mastermind, for whom the best therapy usually involves a loaded gun.
I do prefer this one to your first one, and I'd agree with Bebopalula that perhaps ex-criminal mastermind doesn't need to be there.
Shock treatment. It worked for him then, it works for him now. Only this time, you might pull through. The doctor will see you now.
Quote: jacparov @ June 7 2011, 5:53 PM BSTHow about:
Realising that being an evil genius isn't for him, Dr Lime trys psychology. But can he convince colleagues that his methods are real, or pyschotic?
I like this one best and it must work because now I really want to read the script!
Quote: Die Hard @ June 7 2011, 10:45 PM BSTI like this one best and it must work because now I really want to read the script!
Cheers. How about:
Realising that being an evil genius isn't for him, Dr Lime tries psychology. But can he convince colleagues that his methods are genius? or evil?
Or
Confusion and extortion are what being an evil genius are all about. Thats why Dr Lime became a pyschologist. That, and the pension.