Quote: Shandonbelle @ June 3 2011, 10:38 AM BSTI'd go with Marc on this.
Just go with me on everything!
STAGE PLAY. comments please. Page 2
I know I'm like a dog with a bone with this thing but I'm going to get it right
if it f**kin kills me.
Marc you're right, I've got to lead with the coffin SCENE with the accent on SEEN
Quote: Marc P @ June 3 2011, 10:40 AM BSTJust go with me on everything!
That sounds great Jerf, I thought that coffin scene was great and would show the comedy in the play in a way that really couldn't be shown through a character reminising.
Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ June 3 2011, 10:48 AM BSTI know I'm like a dog with a bone with this thing but I'm going to get it right
if it f**kin kills me.
Marc you're right, I've got to lead with the coffin SCENE with the accent on SEEN
It's a great idea, shame about Ade and Rik. Maybe make the magician the chief mourner, rather than the deceased, you are throwing away a great opportunity for sight gags by not having one. And think of the wand jokes!!
Being the contrary cock that I am I'm going to disagree and say the coffin scene works in a sitcom but doesn't on the stage. Having four captive white doves sitting in the rafters crapping on the audience sounds funny, but the dry cleaning bill may be a bit much for the coffers of an amateur theatre company.
That and to put it on the stage you've increased your cast size to include the pallbearers, and unless you want the coffin dropped in the lounge of the retirement home you need to have a second set.
Quote: phreaky @ June 3 2011, 11:06 AM BSTBeing the contrary cock that I am I'm going to disagree and say the coffin scene works in a sitcom but doesn't on the stage. Having four captive white doves sitting in the rafters crapping on the audience sounds funny, but the dry cleaning bill may be a bit much for the coffers of an amateur theatre company.
That and to put it on the stage you've increased your cast size to include the pallbearers, and unless you want the coffin dropped in the lounge of the retirement home you need to have a second set.
Have you ever staged anything or done a magic act?
Quote: Marc P @ June 3 2011, 11:09 AM BSTHave you ever staged anything or done a magic act?
Yes and no.
I'm sure there are ways of doing it, but I don't think it works on stage; or at least I don't think the pay off would be worth the effort when there are other ways to introduce the joke.
Quote: phreaky @ June 3 2011, 11:15 AM BSTYes and no.
I'm sure there are ways of doing it, but I don't think it works on stage; or at least I don't think the pay off would be worth the effort when there are other ways to introduce the joke.
What other way would you suggest then? I am confused a little if you have staged something why you don't think the physical works on stage? The doves are easily replaced with something else physical and funny. Lights and screens and all kind of devices can be employed, you don't need to create lots of different physical sets to show different times and places.
Quote: Marc P @ June 3 2011, 11:19 AM BSTWhat other way would you suggest then?
In a play about reminiscences this could well be another. As the play needs to start with Charles meeting the other residents it could be that he arrives during the wake where they're all talking about Derek Daily's final big trick?
I'm not claiming any of that is the perfect solution, just one of many.
Quote: Marc P @ June 3 2011, 11:19 AM BSTI am confused a little if you have staged something why you don't think the physical works on stage?
Ahh, I can understand the source of your confusion, you've read something that I haven't written. I wrote that I didn't think THIS joke worked on stage, not that physical doesn't work on stage.
Sorry for the capitals but I can't find any other way to add emphasis to the word.
Quote: Marc P @ June 3 2011, 11:19 AM BSTThe doves are easily replaced with something else physical and funny. Lights and screens and all kind of devices can be employed, you don't need to create lots of different physical sets to show different times and places.
Yes, but as an amateur production I would suspect they have limited resources for such special effects. Again, I don't think it would be worth the effort but would be happily surprised if I saw the production and they got it to work.
Quote: phreaky @ June 3 2011, 11:31 AM BSTIn a play about reminiscences this could well be another. As the play needs to start with Charles meeting the other residents it could be that he arrives during the wake where they're all talking about Derek Daily's final big trick?
but would be happily surprised if I saw the production and they got it to work.
It's back to people standing around talking. No business. And no business in show business means no business.
HIPPODROME HEIGHTS RETIREMENT HOME FOR MEMBERS OF THE PERFORMING ARTS.
SCENE ONE.
MAIN HALL WITH MOURNERS.
PALLBEARERS ENTER MAIN DOOR.
GO ACROSS STAGE TO CHAPEL OF REST.
COME OUT WITH COFFIN ON SHOULDERS.
GO BACK ACROSS STAGE TO MAIN DOOR.
PALLBEARER STUMBLES CAUSING OTHERS TO STUMBLE.
THE COFFIN FALLS TO THE FLOOR.
THE LID COMES OFF. MOURNERS ARE AGHAST.
THE COFFIN IS EMPTY.
EXCEPT FOR CHILLING VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY WHICH SPILLS OUT.
AFTER A FEW SECONDS THE PALLBEARERS BEGIN LAUGHING
CHIEF PALLBEARER.
Hope we didn't upset you, but just before his death Mr Daily who, as you know had been an illutionist on the stage, arranged all this as his final good-bye.
ON THE WAY BACK ACROSS STAGE, MOURNERS CLAP AND CHEER.
THERE ARE SHOUTS OF BRAVO AND AUTHOR
BILLY COX. EX MUSIC HALL COMEDIAN SHOUTS ABOVE THE DIN.
Derek achieved in death something he never did in life.....a standing ovation
ALL FOLLOW COFFIN THROUGH MAIN DOOR.
END OF SCENE ONE.
I prefer the dummy over the doves.
The pallbearer tells the audience(not the characters) who Derek Daily was.
Quote: Marc P @ June 3 2011, 11:43 AM BSTIt's back to people standing around talking. No business. And no business in show business means no business.
Well first off you edited out the disclaimer where I say I don't think what I posted was the perfect solution, just one that came to me when I was asked to provide an example.
I'd certainly agree that it's back into the realms of telling instead of showing, so I'd probably go with my first instinct of not having it in any form.
I do think the joke is a very good one, but not in the context of a stage play.
Quote: phreaky @ June 3 2011, 11:55 AM BSTI do think the joke is a very good one, but not in the context of a stage play.
Well this is basically what the argument comes down to. I do and you don't. 
It's the way you tell it as someone else used to say/
I'd probably have a large inflatable clown spring out of the coffin or somesuch. A big physical laugh is the perfect way to start a comedy on stage. Get the audience laughing out loud from absolutely the earliest moment. He has chosen the people at the retirement home to be entertainers for a good reason is my take.
Surely you could have some paper doves on string attached to a stick which someone off stage flicks up.
Quote: Marc P @ June 3 2011, 12:00 PM BSTWell this is basically what the argument comes down to. I do and you don't.
Yep, I do realise that mine is an opinion that's in the minority, I think disagreeing with people is a character flaw I have, as we shall soon see!
Quote: Marc P @ June 3 2011, 12:00 PM BSTA big physical laugh is the perfect way to start a comedy on stage. Get the audience laughing out loud from absolutely the earliest moment.
And here we go! It depends on who you agree with when it comes to the basis of laughter. If it's based upon the release of tension than that has to build.
Looking at the revised opening scene having the coffin off stage at the opening doesn't allow tension to build. Far better, in my opinion, is to have the coffin on stage when the curtains go up, or on stage as the audience arrive. Allowing tension to build.