Doctor's Sketch

Man and doctor in GP's office.
D: What seems to be the problem Mr Fencham?
M: I believe I'm a hypochondriac who thinks he has leg pain.
D: So you believe that you falsely believe that you have leg pain?
M: Precisely.
D: I see. What makes you think that you are a hypochondriac with leg pain? What symptoms have you had?
M: Well yesterday I went to the Doctor's complaining of a bad back, sore shoulders and depression and today I think I have leg pain.
D: Hmm... Fascinating! I believe you have hypochondria hypochondria.
M: You mean I falsely believe I falsely believe I have leg pain?
D: Yes.
Doctor passes prescription.
M: Painkillers. I don't think I'll take them yet as I want to get a second opinion. I'm convinced I'm a hypochondriac but thanks anyway Doctor.
Man walks out with a javelin through his leg, clanging into the table and the doorframe.

I wrote that last night, I'm sure it could be a lot funnier and with more than one proper gag.

This is very good can't think of any improvements

Could he hop out on one leg instead of the javelin?

That's quite clever.

Nice idea there. I like it.

Very clever.

It could definitely be made funnier. I think mostly by being made a bit snappier. And I don't like 'hypochondria hypochondria' for some reason. Let me have a think and see if I can work out why I don't like it.

I don't think you need another gag in there, especially if you make it snappier - the double hypochondria idea and the javelin sight gag are enough for a quick sketch.

EDIT: I think it's the second line. Fine on paper but might be confusing acted out. Oh, and painkiller for someone with an obvious javelin through their leg seems a bit out of place.

Maybe if you attack it slightly differently. May I?

Man and doctor in GP's office.
D: What seems to be the problem Mr Fencham?
M: I think I'm a hypochondriac, Doctor.
D: I see. And what makes you think that you are a hypochondriac?
M: Well yesterday I went to the Doctor's complaining of a bad back, sore shoulders and depression and today I think I have leg pain.
D: Hmm... Fascinating! I believe you have Double Hypochondria.
M: You mean I falsely believe I'm unnecessarily panicking about having leg pain?
D: Yes. I'm going to refer you to the hospital for treatment.
M: Actually I think I'll go get a second opinion. I'm convinced I'm just a hypochondriac but thanks anyway Doctor.
Man walks out with a javelin through his leg, clanging into the table and the doorframe.

Better.

Apart from the leg, obviously.

Great idea!

I agree with the comments about trimming it a little, and working on the visual punchline a little more. The javelin could be set-up earlier perhaps? By making reference to his love of sports or something. Just a thought. Most important thing is the idea, and you have a funny one here!

Quote: sootyj @ June 1 2011, 12:25 PM BST

This is very good can't think of any improvements

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Thanks very much. It's great to hear that someone with so much form on this forum can't come up with an improvement!

Quote: Marc P @ June 1 2011, 12:29 PM BST

Could he hop out on one leg instead of the javelin?

View original

I think that it's an interchangeable element mainly chosen for its surreal nature and size. If hopping works just as well it's fine with me!

Quote: Timbo @ June 1 2011, 12:40 PM BST

That's quite clever.

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Quote: Otterfox @ June 1 2011, 1:06 PM BST

Nice idea there. I like it.

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Thank you both!

Quote: Afinkawan @ June 1 2011, 1:20 PM BST

Very clever.

It could definitely be made funnier. I think mostly by being made a bit snappier. And I don't like 'hypochondria hypochondria' for some reason. Let me have a think and see if I can work out why I don't like it.

I don't think you need another gag in there, especially if you make it snappier - the double hypochondria idea and the javelin sight gag are enough for a quick sketch.

EDIT: I think it's the second line. Fine on paper but might be confusing acted out. Oh, and painkiller for someone with an obvious javelin through their leg seems a bit out of place.

Maybe if you attack it slightly differently. May I?

Man and doctor in GP's office.
D: What seems to be the problem Mr Fencham?
M: I think I'm a hypochondriac, Doctor.
D: I see. And what makes you think that you are a hypochondriac?
M: Well yesterday I went to the Doctor's complaining of a bad back, sore shoulders and depression and today I think I have leg pain.
D: Hmm... Fascinating! I believe you have Double Hypochondria.
M: You mean I falsely believe I'm unnecessarily panicking about having leg pain?
D: Yes. I'm going to refer you to the hospital for treatment.
M: Actually I think I'll go get a second opinion. I'm convinced I'm just a hypochondriac but thanks anyway Doctor.
Man walks out with a javelin through his leg, clanging into the table and the doorframe.

View original

Thanks very much, and of course you may critique my work. I think you are spot on about the painkillers bit. I do prefer hypochondria hypochondria over double hypochondria. Maybe hypo-hypochondria? Also you're probably right about tightening it up. Although to try and justify the waffle it was to make it slightly more realistic and to make sure the audience gets their head around the idea. Goodness knows I spent fifteen minutes just trying to work out what a hypochondriac hypochondriac might be! All being said I think your critiqued version is better, I'll probably write an aggregated version of both. Thanks again!

Quote: BuryBob @ June 1 2011, 1:35 PM BST

Better.

Apart from the leg, obviously.

View original

Quote: evan rubivellian @ June 1 2011, 7:37 PM BST

Great idea!

I agree with the comments about trimming it a little, and working on the visual punchline a little more. The javelin could be set-up earlier perhaps? By making reference to his love of sports or something. Just a thought. Most important thing is the idea, and you have a funny one here!

View original

Thanks very much. Afinkawan's trimming critique is a fair one. There could definitely be a set-up for the javelin sight gag. I'm not sure which would produce more laughs to be honest - surreal or recollection.

(Another) thanks for the critique and comments everyone. It taught me a lot!

IMHO setting up the javelin gag would waste the visual impact of it at the end. The joke is that he has a serious injury but thinks he is just being hypochondriac - there's no real need to explain how he got that serious injury.

Setting it up would give a very different feel to the sketch - you'd probably need to crash straight into showing him with a serious injury and the sketch would then be about the doctor trying to deal with someone bleeding all over his floor but insisting that it's all in his mind.

By setting up I just mean something as slight as the patient mentioning that he plays sports, for example.

Mind you the alternative way of showing the javelin at the beginning and him insisting that he is a hypochondriac could be equally funny, just a completely different sketch.