Thinking of Doing Stand Up

I'm thinkin of diong stand up, and have written some observational jokes, whaddaya think?

I don't see the point of is these ridiculous online job application surveys. I mean, who's drumming up these moronic questions.

'If a customer is angry at you, do you

a.Kindly ask the customer to calm down and you will be glad to help
b.Tell the customer to f**k off or you will kill the mofo
c.Pick up the nearest sharp object and stab the customer in the face.

Maybe the employer drumming up these questions and scenarios has actually employed a knife welding psycho too many times before and just wants to safe than sorry he's not gonna make the same mistake again.

Old people are always saying, oh the youth of today are so violent, always drinking and fighting, yeah true, but you're generation we're doing the same, between 1939 and 1945, using machine guns, tanks and the Hiroshima bomb! So I think our generation is pretty well behaved in comparison don't you, f**king war Monga!

When you first meet someone you shag like rabbits, and you even brag about it with your mates.

They'll say something like 'Hey Andy, how come you don't get sick of shagging the same bird three times a day, seven days a week...

And you reply...

'Why go out for Cheeseburgers, when you've got steak at home'. However, when you have steak everyday for three years you do tend to crave McDonalds every now and then' that's all I'm saying ladies.

Hi Macca,

I thought they were all good foundations although I felt you could trim the fat off of a few and get to the point quicker, I liked the joke about the job application but thought you could have cut it down to:

I applied for a job the other day and couldn't believe the questions, one read: How would you deal with angry customer?

a. Ask them what's wrong and tell them you'll do all to help.
b. Tell them it's not your problem it's theirs.
c. Take the nearest implement and stab them to death.

Of course I chose....C.

I wonder if the owners have been innudated with applications from knife weilding maniacs and have put this in to cover them against it. 'Your Honour we cleary asked the defendant if they had any homicidal tendancies and they clearly answered no'.

I'm not sure if this works any better though I'm new to this game myself and I guess delivery would be key to these jokes. Let us know how you get on and try them out with some friends!!

Cheers,

Jay

That 2nd joke really made me laugh! Thanks Macca

Yes, thanks.

Cool, thanks guys. Now I just need to grow some balls and get on stage :-)