Right ToddB
A chef doesn't shit on a plate, because the subtle magic of the skilled waiter can transform any dish.
Saying we like differing sitcoms is silly, I may not like Abfab but I can appreciate the quality of the writing.
If you put direction into a sitcom on how a scene should be performed it's likely not to be read beyond page one.
Quote: sootyj @ May 28 2011, 8:05 AM BSTRight ToddB
A chef doesn't shit on a plate, because the subtle magic of the skilled waiter can transform any dish.
Saying we like differing sitcoms is silly, I may not like Abfab but I can appreciate the quality of the writing.
If you put direction into a sitcom on how a scene should be performed it's likely not to be read beyond page one.
Sorry - the remark about sitcom taste was only a jest.
I understand the concept of not dictating how to direct performances - as I said -that's something most playwrights never do.
Surely, however, you must put some stage directions into your script for physical comedy, or even any non-verbal reactions that are integral to the comedy. I notice that a lot of sitcom scripts do this.
Todd, you're of course entitled to your opinions, but why bother to post in critique if you're not really interested in what people have to say? Just carry on developing your material via live performances and get any feedback from them.
Actually I reread it and here's something I don't offer say, I was wrong.
There's actually quite a few gags. The cinzano one is quite sweet.
But are you sure that the lead character adressing a camera for the first 4 scenes work. And the main characters seem to be doing a lot of telling without showing.
This is true. I want to do the kind of audience asides that we do live, but the challenge is how to do this on screen without slowing it down too much. Similarly, the characters share a lot of anecdotes with the audience live - which is currently slowing things down when the characters do this among themselves in the script. I want to keep an element of them remeniscing about their mis-spent pasts, but make it more a tool they use to get at each other to chieve their overall objective.
I like the idea that there is a documentary being made and that they are constantly one-upping each other for the camera. But I don't want this to slow the action down to much, as it currently does.
Quote: chipolata @ May 28 2011, 8:16 AM BSTTodd, you're of course entitled to your opinions, but why bother to post in critique if you're not really interested in what people have to say? Just carry on developing your material via live performances and get any feedback from them.
I'm very intersted in what people have to say - I just think it is more productive if you make it clear what you are getting at - even if that doesn't come through on the page yet.