British Comedy Guide

Carry on...what?

I was listening to an old Hawksbee & Jacobs 'Clips of the Week' podcast today and they said that fishing was ripe for for the Carry on film treatment. They used the examples of playing with your rod and the phrase, "Cor, what a whopper!" The idea of Sid James with beer cans in his keep net also appealed. It got me thinking about what other scenarios would've made good films.

We need titles, double entendres, example gags and scenes etc. Be as mad as you like. Feel free to add to other ideas or start your own.

Here's one that I've given 3.6 seconds thought to:

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CARRY ON TWITTER

Kenneth Williams: You have 140 characters to fit in your box?

Barbara Windsor: Ooo! I couldn't possibly take them all at once?

Kenneth: I'm sorry?

Barbara: Besides, I'm a nice girl - I don't go with every character I meet. Not all the time.

Kenneth: No, I mean letters.

Barbara: There are 26 letters in the alphabet not 140. Don't you know anything?

Kenneth: Yes, well, be that as it may you have to keep it short for best results. Too long and it gets hard.

Barbara: Aww, I like it long. And hard.

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You get the idea. :)

Carry on Banking

KENNETH WILLIAMS FUMBLES IN HIS POCKET

Barbara: What a magnificent packet! It's bulging right out!

Kenneth: Yes, long and hard, I tell you; long and hard I've been working, so my wagepacket is well up on last weeks.

Barbara: So now you've got it up, what you gonna do with it?

Sid: Give it here, I'll bank it.

Kenneth: Excuse me?

Sid: I'm a safe pair of hands for your packet. I'm a proper banker.

Barabara: Really?

Sid: Yeah, didn't you know I had a big bank outside the convent?

Carry on Birdwatching

Kenneth: Look, over there, can you see them?

Jim Dale: Oh yeah, just poking themselves out from the shrubbery. What are they?

Kenneth: Tits.

Jim: Yes, what a magnificent pair. They're Great Tits, aren't they?

Kenneth: I think they're great, yes!

Jim: I love watching birds. I get really excited just feeding them.

Kenneth: Yes, I can see that from all your seed you've spilt over the floor.

Haha. Great idea for a topic

Set in an airport, Carry On Luggage...

Carry on Santa - the Christmas special

Sid: here I've got a big one under the table , let me get it out and you can help me pull it

sid has a Christmas cracker

Babs: Blimey, that's a nice big pink one! I've never pulled one that big before. Here give me the end.

Sid: Here you are. That's it , now pull it hard. Go on! Harder!

Babs: I'm pulling it as hard as I can but it's just too stiff. It just won't come off in my hand and I really want to see it explode everywhere.

Sid: well keep tugging away and if you manage it I've got something else you can have a bloody good pull on.

Babs: ooh what's that Sid?

Sid: My penis. Yakyakyakyak!!!

Quote: Tony Cowards @ May 18 2011, 12:45 PM BST

Set in an airport, Carry On Luggage...

Starring a cast of vultures, Carry On Carrion.

The Carry On team never did a science fiction spoof. I'm not good with the jokes (see above) like you guys, but Carry On Timelord should be easy fodder: "Ooh, it IS bigger on the inside than the outside", "Resistance is useless darling, bwua-ha-har", etc.

Quote: lofthouse @ May 18 2011, 1:14 PM BST

Babs: ooh what's that Sid?

Sid: My penis. Yakyakyakyak!!!

The old single entendre. Reminds me of Are You Being Shagged?

Gary on Girls-Sid James plays a bald glam rock who says phwooar a lot outside the school-gates.

Carry on Cromwell Street

Terry Scott as Fred "ged_in_bed" West
Babs Windsor as a hitch hiking foreign student Ophelia Mititts
Joan Simms as Rosy Cheeks West

ROSY
Do you want to get in our bed?

OPHELIA
Ooh aahh ha ha cheeky I've only just met you.

FRED
She meant our flower bed. You silly moo, we're supposed to be filling her in

OPHELIA
Ooh you haven't even bought me a drink yet tee hee ha ha!

Carry On Shagging

Sid;look down there joan have a feel and see if it is awake.
Joan;oh yes it is awake what do you want me to do with it?
Sid;ask babs if she don't mind sucking it?
Babs; Oh Saucy alright then she said to sid (babs starts to pull down her top)
Sid; Oh What a lovely set of puddings there babs let me play with them
Joan;Here Sid do you want something ? (sid yes please could you get
that Bat for me please )
Joan;what do you want it for?
Sid;so I can spank you and tease you with it whilst babs is getting me ready to shag her in the Karzi and you aswell joan you can wait till after I have done babs .
Babs; here sid that was fantastic you know how to show a girl a good
time .
Sid;i know I have alot of practice with you yak yak yak
Joan;come on then sid give to to me then
sid;alright then ( joan unzips sids trousers and starts to pull him off)
joan;ohthat's a big one is'nt it yes I know
sid yak yak yak.
si

George, that's what we mean by going too far.

Carry on Ornithology.

Carry On Whelking

carry on on the buses

Carry on Geocaching.

Carry on not getting what "going too far" means

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