British Comedy Guide

Job puns Page 4

The employment officer offered me several jobs on a building site.
He said I could take my pick.

I loved my job in the antiques shop. Every day something new.

I got laid off from my last job, opening letters at the Keith Chegwin Fan Club.

I worked in a cafe for dyslexics - I got fried.

I had a successful career running an aquarium - then my kipper died.

I wrote a bunch of jokes for Tim Vine about a pregnant woman. He said they were too laboured.

I had a job at the Chemists; but they dispensed with my services.

I hated my job in Sales & Marketing.

That's it.

Had a job at Wall's Ice Cream, but they froze me out.

As a theatre assistant at the Testicle implant centre, I dropped a bollock so they gave me the sac.

Worked at the orangejuice plant - but I just couldn't concentrate.

Thought Id love being a history teacher - but realised there's just no future in that job.

Took a job feeding giraffes at the zoo, but when my ladder broke I found that I just wasn't up to it.

Worked as a sewer technician but got tired of going through the motions.

Worked as a manager for a gay football team but hated having to pull players off at half time.

Was a taxi driver in Nuneaton but got tired of being sent to Coventry.

The bastards laid me off at the egg packing plant - cluckers! It wasnt what it was cracked up to be though.

Lost my job at the clock factory when it was wound down.

I used to be Stephen Daldry's P.A but I didn't like the hours.

I worked on the Death Star, 'til I joined the Force.

I had a butchers at the livestock trade but I had to make too many cuts to meat targets.

Quote: Vader @ May 5 2011, 1:17 PM BST

I worked on the Death Star, 'til I joined the Force.

Now, I imagine all you Stewart Lee fans got this joke, but I don't think the rest of you did. My user name's Vader, and in Return of the Jedi, Vader, or Darth Vader, essentially works on the death star until he is mortally wounded and joins with the force as Yoda and Obi Wan did before him.

And of course, the force is also an abbreviation of the term Police Force, so it was a play on words, referencing the events of Return of the Jedi, but also inferring that I worked on the Death Star, before joining the police force in order to provide a work based pun.

Now I want my own sitcom you bastards!!

Also, I think Sooty should just steal all the puns in here for his work gig, using them in chronological order, I would turn it into a work based pun, but I can't be bothered.

I got a job inspecting the inside of kilns.
Someone locked me in and I was fired.

I used to have a job with the water board but the work dried up.
Then I herd about a job in farming but I couldn't get on with the cows. They were a pain in the grass. Sorry

I once had a job as an accountant but the job description was misleading - there were millions of the things particularly when someone left the lid off the sugar bowl.

I had a job at a hairdressers there were many fringe benefits and when things went smoothly I satisfied the conditions of the job.

There were some sticky moments when I felt frazzled, but one can't beat about the bush.

It had its heated days things would'nt roll but the tips were good, very busy I was never at a loose end.

In the end I could'nt put up with it, there were just too many permutations to handle, so cut it short, and waved goodbye.

I had to quit my job designing coins; couldn't make head or tail of it.

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