The Inspector

MR SMITH (MS) IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY THE INSPECTOR (TI)

MS
What's this about? I've got written proof that I've attended five job interviews in the last month I'm desperate to get back into work.

TI
Mr Smith you misunderstand we're not here to discuss your case.

MS
Oh thank goodness.

TI
No it's your father we want to discuss, Albert Smith.

MS
But he's dead.

TI
So what Mr Smith?

MS
But he's bleeding dead, I mean I know it's your job. But what the hell?

TI
Mr Smith if you haven't noticed we're in the midst of a fiscal crisis. The days of such lax and expensive binary definitions as living and dead are long gone.

MS
This is appalling I mean what the hell do you expect the my dear dad to do?

TI
Well we at the Department of Work and Pensions have been avidly following that fine new series The Walking Dead. We're hoping to make the dead rise from the grave and begin retraining in NVQ 2s in reanimation studies. I'm sorry Mr Smith but if we're going to beat this debt you won't be able to claim your pension till 10 years after your demise.

MS
Oh that's horrible.

TI
So Mr Smith you have 2 weeks to produce father for interview or he will be evicted from his council home, Plot 33b Sunnyside cemetry. Now in order to assess his postlife employment options, how did your father die?

MS
He was run over by a steam roller.

TI
You bastards will do anything to avoid doing your fair share!

The idea could be good, but this doesn't hit the spot yet.

I don't like the last line, you need a snappier, wittier pay off.

It is nicely character written dialogue, but I think in the process you have lost a little sharpness. Lines 5 and 6 could be cut entirely, and the exposition in line 10 is wordy and clunky.

For the pay off I would suggest going with an unlikely form of death, as you have done, but then have the inspector suggest something he could still do in that condition. (*struggles to think what job being run over by a steamroller would make you suitable for*)

Quote: Timbo @ April 25 2011, 1:22 PM BST

For the pay off I would suggest going with an unlikely form of death, as you have done, but then have the inspector suggest something he could still do in that condition. (*struggles to think what job being run over by a steamroller would make you suitable for*)

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"Well, we always need more windbreakers on Blackpool beach"

Good points albeit "binary definitions" is my favourite line

Are you reading critique as community service?

That might be considered cruel and unusual punishment...

But I do like the writing in this sketch.

I agree on the binary definition line - it was the two lines before that struck me as being redundant.