SE:
Knocking on door. Door opening.
JOE:
Yes?
FRANK:
Allright, squire? We was just walking past your 'ouse and we noticed that you 'ave very shoddy guttering up there. Potential death trap, iinit Flip?
FLIPPER:
Oh yeah. Could bring the 'ole 'ouse down that could.
JOE:
Oh dear. Would it cost a lot to fox. I'm a poor old pensioner, you see.
FRANK:
Well, we could do it for you cash in hand, like, but it would still set you back, I dunno, what you reckon Flip?
FLIPPER:
About a hundred notes.
FRANK:
Yeah, hundred notes should do it.
JOE:
Well, (special emphasis on next line) I really don't think I can afford that.
FRANK:
What's going on? What's those cameras for?
JOE:
(From now in his normal voice) Well, Frank and Flipper, from Effin Eff builders, I'm afraid you've been set up. I'm not a frail old man, I am in fact Joe Gerrard from BBC Dodgy Doings. We've received a multitude of complaints about you guys doing work that was unnecessary, and on top of that doing it badly. What have you got to say to THAT!
FRANK:
It's a fair cop.
JOE:
What? Aren't you going to run away or try and hide your face? You are allowed to. It's sort of expected really.
FRANK:
No mate. You got us, fair and square. We are very sorry to anyone what we has wronged, and all that sort of thing. Was there anything else?
JOE:
Um. No. Not really. Just... well, don't do it again, okay?
FRANK:
Scouts honour, Guv. See ya.
JOE:
(fading in distance) Okay... bye.
SE:
FRANK and FLIPPER'S boots crunching on gravel as the walk down the garden path.
FRANK:
Give us me mobile, Flip. (pause) Ta.
SE:
Beeping as he inputs a number
FRANK:
Hello, is that Yellow Pages? It's Frank from Effin Effs builders. Can I change our ad for the new edition next month? Brilliant. Nah, nothin' much, just stick "As seen on TV" would you?. Lovely...
Needs better finish off, how about being nice then throwing a self-labelled hand grenade at TV crew?