KETTLING Sketch

A try at topical.

I don't write sketches, never have, but everyone else here seems to do it so I thought I'd have a go.

FOUR SENIOR POLICE CHIEFS ARE HAVING A MEETING

POLICE CHIEF 1: Okay lads - we've been getting a lot of stick over our reliance on kettling, so we need to come up with an alternative, snappily titled strategy. Any ideas?

POLICE CHIEF 2: Well, we could force all the protesters into some public toilets, and then have sex with them.

POLICE CHIEF 1: Cottaging, eh? Not bad... anyone else?

POLICECHIEF 3: How about we trick them into getting in cars and then we can watch them shagging?

POLICE CHIEF 1: No, we can't use dogging, Jenkins - Surrey tried that out last year but apparently it breaches human rights or something. Bloody liberals...

POLICE CHIEF 4: We could try catting, boss.

POLICE CHIEF 1: Catting? Did you just make that up, Fry?

POLICE CHIEF 3 (ashamed): Yes boss.

POLICE CHIEF 1: Look, I've thought things through, and have decided to implement the following riot strategy to replace kettling: when confronted with an angry mob we will simply turn around and run away.

POLICE CHIEF 2: What? You mean...

POLICE CHIEF 1 (interrupting): Yes - bottling.

Not bad, but not funny either. Thought I'd give you some 'critique' since no-one else has!

Quote: Vader @ April 18 2011, 6:53 PM BST

Not bad, but not funny either. Thought I'd give you some 'critique' since no-one else has!

View original

Fair enuff

At least you put some stuff up as well as giving Critique so fair play.

I actually did a similar sketch to this on a Dave Cohen Day course thing.
I can't remember exactly but it was along the lines of

So are we Gonna knock em over with Bowling balls
No that's Skittling
Throw Coal at them?
No that's Scuttling
Make cakes
Nothat's Kipling
And then a lame punchline about Tea & Biscuits

Yours was better!

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ April 18 2011, 9:02 PM BST

At least you put some stuff up as well as giving Critique so fair play.

I actually did a similar sketch to this on a Dave Cohen Day course thing.
I can't remember exactly but it was along the lines of

So are we Gonna knock em over with Bowling balls
No that's Skittling
Throw Coal at them?
No that's Scuttling
Make cakes
Nothat's Kipling
And then a lame punchline about Tea & Biscuits

Yours was better!

View original

One day I will have an original thought!

All in good fun.

I like your writing style and I daresay it'd make other people laugh.

I have to say though, I like the way your critique of other people's work is almost relentlessly negative, your comments have been the funniest thing about critique that I've read, I hope you're not going to change in that regard, it's clearly just your honest opinion.

You're like the Simon Cowell of Critique. I think you should channel your 'hatred' into your writing and slag people on here off in greater detail etc. Start with me if you want.

Strike me down now and your journey toward the dark side will be complete. (I'd add a 'nodding' smiley on the end, but not sure how to do so)

You'd LOVE Chortle.

Hmmm, I've had a look around on Chortle, I think I know what you mean, but it seems to be more be more trolling with loads of fake accounts etc than just honest opinion etc. Seems to be a lot of cronyism and trolling... I take it you don't use it very much?

I wonder if someone will come along with their 'off topic' wand...

Not enough doughnut references in the above sketch, otherwise, not three bad.

Quote: Vader @ April 19 2011, 12:34 AM BST

Hmmm, I've had a look around on Chortle but it seems to be more be more trolling with loads of fake accounts etc. Seems to be a lot of cronyism and trolling...

View original

Some might say that about here...

Quote: Vader @ April 19 2011, 12:21 AM BST

I like your writing style and I daresay it'd make other people laugh.

I have to say though, I like the way your critique of other people's work is almost relentlessly negative, your comments have been the funniest thing about critique that I've read, I hope you're not going to change in that regard, it's clearly just your honest opinion.

You're like the Simon Cowell of Critique. I think you should channel your 'hatred' into your writing and slag people on here off in greater detail etc. Start with me if you want.

Strike me down now and your journey toward the dark side will be complete. (I'd add a 'nodding' smiley on the end, but not sure how to do so)

View original

I've been lovely about Steve Sunshine - so far the only writer that stands out as having talent.

No, I am not his Mum.

Nothing has been slagged off for the sake of it - my view is that if it's there for an opinion, mine will be forthcoming, sometimes blunt and sometimes more detailed.

If a joke looks like it took 5 seconds to write then that's all the time I will spend commenting on it.

"Lady Laughter" was created to have a go at someone trolling on Chortle, and has come over here to be honest and a little harsh, but never less than straightforward and straight talking.

This reminded me of something that would suit Newsjack, Good punchline

Is this really a joke based on separate words which are connected by the fact they end with the elusive letters of I N G ?

or am I missing something here

Quote: another40winks @ April 19 2011, 11:27 AM BST

Is this really a joke based on separate words which are connected by the fact they end with the elusive letters of I N G ?

or am I missing something here

View original

That's exactly what it is. Simple and, I think, quite funny if not very ingenious.

I thought it was alright. Not sure the Cat one adds though