Drink Driving

INT. PUB - NIGHT

A GROUP OF LADS ARE IN THE PUB.

BOY #1
Do you want another drink?

BOY #2
No, I can't. I'm driving.

BOY #1
Oh, come on - you can have another!

BOY #2
(THOUGHTFUL) Ah, go on.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR - NIGHT

BOY #2 IS DRIVING BOY #1 HOME. A GIRL IS WALKING ON THE PAVEMENT AHEAD OF THEM.

BOY #1
Hey, isn't that your ex?

BOY #2 LOSES CONTROL OF THE CAR AND GOES ONTO THE PAVEMENT AND HITS THE GIRL. THE BOYS IN THE CAR LOOK DAZED.

(VOICEOVER)
Wickes - just the job.

Not my kinda thing.

Pacing was good, I didnt get the punchline might be just me though.

I don't see the connection of a hardware store and drink driving......

No i'm sorry Jeremy, it lost me as well?

Baffled.

It's just a mixture of a couple of common adverts - running over the ex, instead of "Think - don't drink and drive", it's "just the job".

EDIT: This is the first 'sketch' I've written...I don't normally do them because I prefer to tell stories and that with my work, but I've always thought those drink driving adverts would be funny with an inappropriate tagline, and since those and Wickes adverts are often together in breaks when you watch football in the pub, I put that as the tagline. Sorry if it wasn't more clear, but like I say it was my first 'sketch' so hopefully I'll have better ideas.

I don't think being an 'ex' is good enough reason for the accident being a 'result'!

you don't know his ex

Quote: JohnnyD @ December 23, 2007, 10:04 AM

I don't think being an 'ex' is good enough reason for the accident being a 'result'!

View original

I think it was supposed to be a joke about certain types of people. Not necessarily normal right-minded people.

Give us another one Jeremy.

It makes sense now without the last line to confuse us.

Hmm...I think it's alright, but a sketch shouldn't need an explanation to accompany it for it to make sense...

Quote: charisma @ December 23, 2007, 5:54 PM

Hmm...I think it's alright, but a sketch shouldn't need an explanation to accompany it for it to make sense...

View original

You're right but sometimes in writing it's not that clear and I think that maybe the writer assumes things sometimes.