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SHEL AND DENISE ARE TALKING ON THEIR MOBIS DENISE IS WATCHING TELLY

SHEL
What you watching on telly Denise?

DENISE
Dunno some reality TV crap. There's this big house and they've got all these weirdos living it.

SHEL
Is that the new series of Big Brother, I heard they had a bird with 3 fannies on it.

DENISE
I dunno. There's these 2 really racist guys, one of them's really old and the other one's in the BNP. He dresses as a Nazi and he's into killing Arabs.

SHEL
Sounds like Big Brother what the babes like babes?

DENISE
Well the guy with big ears and a learning disability is shagging some one's granny, it's disgusting.

SHEL
Yeh but you know any young babes?

DENISE
Oh yeh they're dropping in a new bird as a surprise in a few weeks. She's dead common and she's annorexic. She's shagging the dopy one who's supposed to have a big chopper

SHEL
Oh yeh I watched the first series years ago. They took it off the air after the old racist bastard murdered the tart what was shagging that Arab grocer's son.

DENISE
So you gonna watch the royal wedding?

SHEL
What that shit you must be joking. Nothing interesting happens in it,

The idea is good maybe a bit over long I'd cut some of the dialogue down make it snappier.

Yeh it's definitely a beta version, and I probably sign post the punch a little much

To the Bat wordprocessing cave Robin!

Bit obvious and not very funny. Soz.

Fairplay

There's no Sooty magic here.

Edit 2

Sorry haven't written topical in decades and I'm trying out for the spot films pilot

SHEL AND DENISE ARE TALKING ON THEIR MOBIS DENISE IS WATCHING TELLY

SHEL
What's you watchin' Denise?

DENISE
Some reality crap. A big house full of posho arse holes.

SHEL
Cor that the new series of Big Brothe? I heard they got a bird with 3 fannies in it and Jeremy Kyle.

DENISE
Nah There's 2 really racist bloods, one's well old and the other one's a Nazi.

SHEL
Sounds like Big Brother what the babes like babes?

DENISE
Minging this retard with big ears is shagging some one's granny, it's well rank

SHEL
Yeh but you know any young babes?

DENISE
There's a surprise new bird,. She's dead common and annorexic. She's shagging the dopy one with a big chopper

SHEL
Oh yeh I watched the first series of that. It got cancelled when the racist old git murdered the arab humping tart.

DENISE
So you watching the royal wedding?

SHEL
That shit? Nah it's well dull

It just doesn't really work. The young persons speech seems very forced - are you a young person, or an older person fudging the language?

SHEL AND DENISE ARE TALKING ON THEIR MOBIS DENISE IS WATCHING TELLY

SHEL
What's you watchin' Denise?

DENISE
Some reality TV shit. It's a load of posh arse holes.

SHEL
Cor that the new series of Big Brother? I heard they got a bird with 3 fannies in it and Jeremy Kyle.

DENISE
Nah There's 2 really racist bloods, one's well old and the other one's a Nazi.

SHEL
Sounds like Big Brother, any couples babes?

DENISE
Theres this retard with big ears he's shagging some one's granny, it's well rank

SHEL
Yeh but you know any young couples?

DENISE
There's a surprise new bird,. She's dead common and annorexic. She's shagging the dopy one with a big chopper

SHEL
Oh yeh I know that show. It got cancelled when the racist old git murdered the arab humping tart.

DENISE
So you watching the royal wedding?

SHEL
That shit? Nah it's well dull

Final submitted version. Not brilliant but I like to think now workman like. Have given it an overnight edit I'm surprised no one noticed the semantic errors?

But thanks for the feedback.

WHere have you submitted it to?

It's ok, sooty, a little obvious like thingamy said and a bit route one but sometimes you've got to get the chaff out of the way to get to the wheat.

So does the final version sort of work?

In a predictable by the numbers sort of way?

I say yes. Good luck with whatever you have sent it to.

Oh goodo the spot films trailer thingumy.

If not it's off to News Revue, where everyone knows your name

Quote: sootyj @ April 17 2011, 10:31 PM BST

Oh goodo the spot films trailer thingumy.

If not it's off to News Revue, where everyone knows your name

View original

What's the "spot films trailer" op, Sooty?