Obscene unseen

CLOSE UP OF TWO WOMEN TALKING - LUCY AND ANNE. A MAN IS HEARD BUT NOT SEEN.

LUCY: Did you hear about the flasher down at the school?

ANNE: A flasher? The school? When was that...

MAN: C**t, f**king c**t, wanker.

LUCY: Last Wed...

MAN: Arsehole, shithead, nobsucking git.

ANNE: St Michael...

MAN: Shit, shit and double shit. FUCKFACE.

LUCY: Yeah, St Michael's last Weds...

MAN: Suck my cock you tosser.

ANNE, NODDING IN THE DIRECTION OF THE OUT OF SHOT VOICE, MOUTHS TO LUCY: Tourette's?

LUCY: Only when he's driving.

PAN OUT TO REVEAL THAT THE WOMEN ARE IN A CAR.

I've got no idea what's going on here at all.

That is pretty terrible.

It would be incredibly hard to conceal the fact they are in a car.

The reveal at the end is not at all funny.

Keep trying.

In the words of Thomas Becon: All that glisters is not gold.
If you think you see a mistake you are mistaken. If you don't see
the humour maybe you're laugh-blind.

OK, so Sheakspeare wrote it, later - but 1553, we have Thomas Becon,
in The relikes of Rome: "All is not golde that glistereth."

Neither Bard nor Becon got a laugh with this line. Just goes to show
that you can't win'em all. And YES, the Bardy bloke DID write glisters.

Quote: Stephen Birch @ April 15 2011, 6:28 PM BST

In the words of Thomas Becon: All that glisters is not gold.
If you think you see a mistake you are mistaken. If you don't see
the humour maybe you're laugh-blind.

OK, so Sheakspeare wrote it, later - but 1553, we have Thomas Becon,
in The relikes of Rome: "All is not golde that glistereth."

Neither Bard nor Becon got a laugh with this line. Just goes to show
that you can't win'em all. And YES, the Bardy bloke DID write glisters.

View original

Put it in showcase if you don't want critique.

This sketch makes no sense.

It's surreallity. I really tried to make sense but I didn't have the right ingredients!

Quote: Ben @ April 17 2011, 9:23 AM BST

This sketch makes no sense.

View original

It does make sense, but it is simply making fun of Tourettes syndrome, which is not funny.

Quote: Stephen Birch @ April 18 2011, 10:40 AM BST

It's surreallity. I really tried to make sense but I didn't have the right ingredients!

View original

Surreal is a bugger to get right.