Beginning of March in Black Jacks in Plymouth.
I've watched this a couple of times, repeat myself a bit and I have to stop pulling at the bra!
By the way, feedback would be good if any of you have time. Would be good to get opinions/crit from people who I don't know! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMzrIS0UVkg
Stealth recording made for interesting viewing.
Kudos to you for getting up and doing it. Possibly a bit predictable in terms of the material - women and children, childbirth, shoes but generally nicely handled. I think you've probably got more material that can be developed with the joys of retail. Satnav plastic bags. Maybe stick it on your husband's car because its a guy thing. Some of the swearing seemed a bit forced and a tad shrill at times. Possibly also think about a more gentle segue between sections. Whether you could risk a little more banter with the audience to move from topic to topic.
All the best with it.
Well done, it's a good effort.
The shouldn't you be at school line made me laugh.
For a first go it's good but it does need a bit of tightening & perhaps a slightly more relaxed style but those things will come with a bit of experience I'm sure.
Thanks for watching it and providing some feedback!
KLRiley- you are right, I do swear too much. This wasn't always scripted in and is definitely something I need to curb a little.
I know what you mean about the material- at the moment, I am just trying to draw from day to day life, so a lot of it is based on real stuff just obviously exagerated in places.
It was my third go and I have gone back to a lot of the same stuff and tried to develop it and make it better rather than doing new stuff every time.
I'm being a tard here- what do you mean by a more gentle segue? Linking the sections is something that I find difficult at the moment.
And Steve- thank! I'm definitely want to do it more, and I hope that those things do come with experience. At the moment I tend to get up there and I'm in my own little bubble, not paying too much attention to what's going on around me and trying to focus on getting through the material.
Quote: DonnaG @ April 8 2011, 4:48 PM BSTI'm being a tard here- what do you mean by a more gentle segue? Linking the sections is something that I find difficult at the moment.
I think that you are completely right to stay with the basic material and hone it. That way you get a sense of what works and what isn't hitting the mark. If you keep changing you won't be able to work on the links.
And that's all I meant by segue (segway). Moving from one topic to another. again it might be worth thinking of how you can make the transition. But at present it (and I'm being hyperpicky if it was only your third gig) was a bit stop/start. As if you've thought "oh I've got to the end of that section. Next bit." Its the polish thing which obviously only comes with practise.
Thanks KL, I do appreciate the feedback. I will definitely address the things you have picked up. Cheers!
I think you've got a nice line in well developed set up-pnchline gags
But I'd go for a softer persona. The pretty hardcore gags will work better against it.
Oh and the swearing distracts.
But overall for an early gig it's pretty good especially as you did it on your side
Thank you.
I've just been offered an open spot at a proper comedy night in Plymouth... so I will definitely be taking on board all the feedback... thanks!