First paragraph challenge

Not sure if this is the right thread or not, but essentially, it's raining out, there's nowt on the telly so I thought I'd write a book.
Or to be more specific, I have decided at last to start putting some of my ideas down on paper because I have run out of excuses not to.
I wrote a paragraph a couple of weeks back, literally as a stream of consciousness note so I wouldn't forget it.
I just reread it and quite like it.....so, BCGers, my challenge is this. Can you post the first paragraph of a story/novel and leave the rest of us wondering where it goes next?
Here's mine - any feedback always appreciated...

"In my capacity as a very important police officer with over 30 years experience, I've got two top tips if you want to avoid being accused of murder.
Firstly, don't kill anyone.
Might sound a bit obvious, but you'd be surprised.
My second tip would be don't post a status on Facebook threatening to chop up some bloke who fancies you and put him out with the bins.
Because when that bloke does indeed turn up in several pieces at the local dump, there's a high possibility I might have to pay you a visit."

Not bad Posie. I would specify his rank, I don't think he would describe himself as a very important police officer. And also as he narrating in the first person you don't need the speech quotation marks. Good luck with the rest of it!

Quote: Marc P @ April 5 2011, 12:48 PM BST

Not bad Posie. I would specify his rank, I don't think he would describe himself as a very important police officer. And also as he narrating in the first tense you don't need the speech quotation marks. Good luck with the rest of it!

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Thanks Marc. There's a reason he doesn't specify his rank - that's the style I'm planning to write in. His characterisation is hopefully quite quirky and not typical at all. He's deliberately vague, and refers to himself as "very important" rather than Chief Inspector because that's what he thinks people need to know! It might make more sense in a longer context, maybe.

And I only added the quote marks to differentiate between the paragraph and my other ramblings. They're not in the actual manuscript.

Thanks for reading it!

How novel. Starting at the beginning. My first book has now been in writing for two and a half years and I think I started with what is now somewhere in chapter three. They are fairly long chapters. Just need to finish the end of chapter one and flesh out a bit in chapter ten and a big beef up in chapter eleven. Then all I have to do is tell myself how completely useless it is and leave it on the data stick, never to be seen by another human being or agent.

Cheers Posiekins, I'd be a bit more specific about gender then, to start with, as it gets confusing re the bloke who fancies you bit. All very intriguing though!

Also get on with writing the rest of it. One paragraph for feedback indeed! Lol.

Quote: KLRiley @ April 5 2011, 1:29 PM BST

How novel. Starting at the beginning. My first book has now been in writing for two and a half years and I think I started with what is now somewhere in chapter three. They are fairly long chapters. Just need to finish the end of chapter one and flesh out a bit in chapter ten and a big beef up in chapter eleven. Then all I have to do is tell myself how completely useless it is and leave it on the data stick, never to be seen by another human being or agent.

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Well, as someone once sang "Let's start at the beginning, it's a very good place to start.....!"
Would you be prepared to post your first paragraph, KL, so we can see what it's like? Bet it's a million times better than you think!

Ok. There it was.

Is there a reason why you don't name the 'girls' KL? I'd have your fourth sentence first by the way.

Again all very intriguing. Good luck with finishing it!

Thank you Marc.

What night was it again?

Only kidding. I see what you mean.

Oooh, I like! Really visual, and I like the way you build up the tension right from the start. Is the idea that the different stories are all happening on the same night?

Here is the opening paragraph to a kind of dark comic horror story I started to write a few years ago.

The decaying remains of what once had been Mark Rodgers lay slumped across the damp wooden chair. Thick rusted chains were pulled tight around his body and the dried blood and other bodily fluids, which had seeped from numerous wounds, covered the floor beneath him like a cruel collage of filth. Dark blood had spattered the otherwise bare walls of the cold windowless room and from the shadows, if you looked carefully, you could just make out the shapes of fury little predators huddled together, crawling over one another, ravenous, but too afraid to go near the putrefied corpse. No, not really. That would have been an interesting start, but it didn't quite begin like that. It didn't begin with Mark's putrefied remains tied to a chair nor did it begin with ravenous vermin crawling over one another in fear. Instead it started with a balance sheet and a tea bag sandwich.

Intrigued by the concept of a tea bag sandwich.

Quote: Posiekins @ April 5 2011, 2:27 PM BST

Oooh, I like! Really visual, and I like the way you build up the tension right from the start. Is the idea that the different stories are all happening on the same night?

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Thanks Posie. Different events but they are connected. If you want to do a spot of editing and critiqueing I could send you more...

And I'd agree with Mark. Just need to be a little bit clearer with that bit about posting on FB. Otherwise nice. Light touch. Engaging.

Quote: Deferenz @ April 5 2011, 2:27 PM BST

Here is the opening paragraph to a kind of dark comic horror story I started to write a few years ago.

The decaying remains of what once had been Mark Rodgers lay slumped across the damp wooden chair. Thick rusted chains were pulled tight around his body and the dried blood and other bodily fluids, which had seeped from numerous wounds, covered the floor beneath him like a cruel collage of filth. Dark blood had spattered the otherwise bare walls of the cold windowless room and from the shadows, if you looked carefully, you could just make out the shapes of fury little predators huddled together, crawling over one another, ravenous, but too afraid to go near the putrefied corpse. No, not really. That would have been an interesting start, but it didn't quite begin like that. It didn't begin with Mark's putrefied remains tied to a chair nor did it begin with ravenous vermin crawling over one another in fear. Instead it started with a balance sheet and a tea bag sandwich.

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Love it Defrenez. Very Adams. I too like the concept of the tea bag sandwich.

Quote: Marc P @ April 5 2011, 2:29 PM BST

Intrigued by the concept of a tea bag sandwich.

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Well, if anyone wants to read on then I would be nervously happy to post the next section(?)

Def.