British Comedy Guide

S.T.D. Clinic.

INT.S.T.D.CLINIC.WE SEE A GROUP OF MEN SAT AROUND IN DIFFERENT AREAS OF THE
ROOM.ALL ARE KEEN TO KEEP THEMSELVES TO THEMSELVES.MOST HAVE THIER FACES
COVERED IN MAGAZINES OR NEWSPAPERS.THREE WOMEN CLEANERS ENTER CARRYING MOPS,
BRUSHES AND PULLING A TROLLEY FULL OF CLEANING UNTENSILS.THEY BUSY
THEMSELVES ABOUT THE ROOM.ONE OF THE WOMEN BENDS TO TAKE SOMETHING OUT OF
THE TROLLEY.SHE LOOKS UP AND SHOUTS;

"Anyone got the Cif?"

MOST OF THE MEN SHUFFLE IN THEIR SEATS AND SINK FURTHER DOWN BEHIND THEIR
NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES.

End

Is Cif/CIF a disease? If not, would it not be funnier if it were?

I guess he means cif, short for "syphilis"?

Actually, I made that connection when they changed the name but never had the courage to write it.

Ah, I see. Clever. Maybe it would be clearer if it were reworded slightly, as one wouldn't normally say: "Has anyone got the syphilis...? Maybe that's just me. I get it now, duh! *smacks head*

I thought that extremely funny and clever

i like that. very funny.
maybe at the end all the men could put their hands up.
or one man could put his hand up and then look embarrassed.
or if there was just one man in the room he might say - "no, genital warts"

Decent one Steve

I thought that a possibile response to the question was if a nurse in the room overheard and said.

"No, but I've got Jay's fluid" (holding a test tube full of white stuff).

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ December 20, 2007, 6:33 PM

Decent one Steve

I thought that a possibile response to the question was if a nurse in the room overheard and said.

"No, but I've got Jay's fluid" (holding a test tube full of white stuff).

Very good.

Maybe its a sperm bank.

Quote: James Williams @ December 20, 2007, 5:21 PM

Ah, I see. Clever. Maybe it would be clearer if it were reworded slightly, as one wouldn't normally say: "Has anyone got the syphilis...? Maybe that's just me. I get it now, duh! *smacks head*

Totally agree with James. Get rid of "the". With it, it doesn't work. Without it it's funny. Even funnier with some of the twists suggested.

I don't see how "Anyone got Cif?" from the cleaner would sound natural.
Fortunately, urbandictionary suggests that "the syph" is the correct formulation.

A nice one.

i always refer to my condition as "the syph" rather than "syph".

Thanks all.It was just one of those sketches where, you see something and by the time you get to the computer the idea has written itself good or bad.Had the same thing driving home from work today.

WE SEE A CAR IN FRONT OF US. IN ITS REAR WINDOW IS ONE OF THOSE CUTE STICKERS
SMALL PERSON ON BOARD.WE FOLLOW THE CAR FOR AWHILE.WHEN ITS STOPS THE DRIVERS
DOOR OPENS AND A MIDGET GETS OUT.

Steve

I could see that one coming I'm afraid.

I like "Princess on Board" - don't drive down any tunnels in Paris. (Have I said that before?)

By the way - I did like the first one.

Yes, good one Steve, I also like Johnny's idea where they all put their hands up.

I was down the std clinic the other day, though I had a bit of trouble parking, some fool had left his lorry in the car park. Anyway, I got in there and sat down in the waiting room. Then the nurse came in and said, "Right, who's got the HGV?"

The bloke next to me turned and said, "Blimey, there's always someone worse off than yourself, I've only got the CiF."

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