Borrowed Time

The opening salvo of something I've been working on. I've got to the stage where I need to know if it's working or not.

Many thanks.

Borrowed time is set in the village of Fotheringham in the 1950s. As an every day tale of country life, the village characters and their stories are hoped to give it some series potential. A theme is the impending change that became apparent in the 1960s and that certain attitudes were living on 'Borrowed Time'

Characters.

Graham Formaldehyde - Captain of the local golf club, with an eye for the ladies.

Melanie Cruickshank - Prospective candidate for the golf club ladies captaincy. Erudite, she must fend off Graham's unwelcome advances.

Ivan Stavangar - Dashing Swede and golf club pro. He embodies all that Graham finds distasteful.

BORROWED TIME

INT: DAY. LOUNGE BAR. THE ROYAL OAK. UPPER FOTHERINGHAM. circa1955.

MELANIE
Have you tried Simpson, in the village? They say he's rather good.

GRAHAM
To repair my ride-on lawn-mower? Miss Cruickshank? No I haven't. He may be just the man, though, as you say.

MELANIE
Simpson's applied for membership at the golf club, incidentally.

GRAHAM
Really!

MELANIE
Yes. You may find him somewhat amenable to your requirements, given his current ambitions. A bit of a discount perhaps?

GRAHAM
Hmmm. you might have a point. He could be very considerate. (beat) I see you have ambitions, also, Miss Cruickshank, to become the next ladies captain.

As men's captain, of the club, I can see to that - for a bit of a discount of course.

MELANIE
Mr Formaldehyde! I have a reputation and a fondue business to protect.

GRAHAM
Cheesy comestibles notwithstanding, the Ladies' Captainship opens many, many doors, my dear.

MELANIE
Are you proposing a ménage a deux, with me the considered menagerie, as it were?

GRAHAM
Consider it a bit of a leg up the ladder, as it were.

MELANIE
You have an unwelcome proclivity for sexual innuendo and farce! Mr Formaldehyde.

GRAHAM
As an influential figure in the Upper Fotheringham Golf Club, Miss Cruickshank, I can assure you innuendo and farce do not rate highly on my agenda. I was merely offering my assistance.

MELANIE
Indeed . . . um . . . your lawn-mower, Mr Formaldehyde? A Wankel Rotary Engine, perchance? Mr Simpson swears blind as regards the revolutionary technique . . . allegedly.

GRAHAM
Indeed it is not a Wankel Rotary! It is a British two cylinder piston engine. A breed that has mown the lawns of the empire.

MELANIE
Quite a pedigree.

GRAHAM
I've been admiring your swing, by the way. You've been hitting the ball delightfully these past few weeks. Have you been taking lessons?

MELANIE
Why yes! I'm using Ivan Stavangar, the club pro. He's been working on my wedges. He's been a great help.

GRAHAM
The Viking! If I were you I'd guard my wedge against his type. Master Stavangar is a notoriously boorish oaf with a penchant for, shall we say, loosely fitting women.

MELANIE
You wouldn't be suggesting...

GRAHAM
...Well. Reputations do have uncannily persistent habits of scuppering prospective... positions. Do they not?

MELANIE
Merit defies insult, Mr Formaldehyde.

GRAHAM
I wonder awfully if you wouldn't mind my slipping you a good sturdy tip.

MELANIE
Mr Formaldehyde!

BASIL
A good sturdy tip... that the ladies of the Upper Fotheringham Golf Club regard my judgement of character very highly. If you see what I mean.

ENTER IVAN STAVANGAR

IVAN
Hey! Melanie, I've been thinking of your wedge. Just can't take my mind off it!

MELANIE
Ivan! You should see my nine iron. What a difference your new grip's made.

IVAN
Great! I'll measure your divot next time we're out. (beat) Like to try a piece of candy?

MELANIE
Mmm, yes please.

IVAN
Graham?

GRAHAM
There are customs in this country that remain inviolate. One doesn't sully the good taste of fine English ale with a Rolo. Thanks all the same.

IVAN
OK. (beat) I brought present, all the way from Stockholm.

MELANIE
What is it?

IVAN
It's a tea bag.

MELANIE
Uh?

IVAN
A tea bag, for making tea. You put it in your tea cup and pour over some boiling water.

MELANIE
Wow!

BASIL
Great Scot! God preserve us from this evil blasphemy!

MELANIE
I think it's a good idea.

BASIL
It's some foreign jiggery-pokery molesting one of the greatest icons of Englishness.

IVAN
Violating one of your sacred customs.

GRAHAM
Perhaps in Sweden you have beer bags, too. How would that go? Landlord! a bag of your finest bitter, if you please. Oh! and a cardboard box of stout for the wife. She's a bit low on iron.

MELANIE
Oh don't mind him, Ivan. If it isn't dressed in Harris Tweed or robust in a pair of brogues, then it's some kind of threat to national security. (beat) Mmm, I do like your sweater. Pringle?

IVAN
Yes it's...

GRAHAM
...Counterfeit by the look of it. I'd get some leather patches for the elbows if I were you. They're looking a bit thin.

I did like a lot of the lines but the dialogue seemed a little over busy or crowded to start with.
So I found myself getting a little lost as to what I was supposed to be engaging with.
But that's just me.

Thanks, Steve. That's what I need to know. Im preparing this for a recording and wanted to give the actors some dialogue to work with. But as I suspected, too, I may have forgotten the audience!

Many thanks, Steve.

A bit of an odd one this but I mean that in a nice way. I found it quite endearing(sp?), almost a kind of throw back to Jeeves & Wooster meets You Rang Me' Lord. Once I got into the characters way of speaking I did start to enjoy it. Lots of double entendres which make me chuckle when I'm in the right mood as they take me back to a more innocent time. There was no intro to Basil though so I wondered who he was. I would definitely read more of this.

Def.

Hi, Def. A big thank you for your helpful feedback.

I'm trying to scriptify a short story I wrote some time ago and I'm quite fond of the, perhaps, over elaborate dialogue. It's experimental but I do need to be careful that I don't fall too far away from the accepted parameters of sitcom - but I love taking risks!

Yes, I should have included a synopsis and character description - it must have been difficult for you to fathom what was going on, so even bigger thanks for persevering with it.

I'll modify the opening with a synopsis etc.

One again, many thanks, Def.

Quote: evertsen @ March 29 2011, 1:50 PM BST

I'll modify the opening with a synopsis etc.

View original

Basil?

Blimey! Ive really made life difficult with some poor editing. Basil became Graham because I didn't want to seem too Fawlty Towers. (chance would be a fne thing)

Yup, big apologies to those trying to make sense of this. I've done a further edit and it seems to be ok now.

Thanks KL for bringing it to light.

Quote: KLRiley @ March 29 2011, 2:42 PM BST

Basil?

View original

Basil has seemed to have vanished. He was there further down the extract after the intro of Ivan. Please tell me basil was actually there, even as a typo or something otherwise I'll think I'm going mad.

EDIT - I see this has now been explained.

Def.

Makes a lot more sense now.
I'd stick with it as we get a good feel of the characterisations through the language now that we have the crib to fill in the gaps.

Get what you mean about Graham - touch of the Terry-Thomases? I'm sure a bit of moustache twirling is going on and he drives a Jag.

Just the historical anachronisms to tidy up.
Fondue common?
Wankel rotary engine in the late 50s?

Quote: KLRiley @ March 29 2011, 3:03 PM BST

Makes a lot more sense now.
Just the historical anachronisms to tidy up.
Fondue common?
Wankel rotary engine in the late 50s?

View original

You make a good point, KL, and I was very much aware of this when I wrote it. Oil do a bit of research.

Thanks, KL, for getting back to this.

To add to your edit, KL. Some moustache twirling and a Jag for sure.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Glad to be of help.