Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ March 25 2011, 11:38 AM GMTThanks for the feedback people, I was contacted after I posted my failure and these guys want to see me and have told me to bring other examples of my work along.
The thing I really need to know is if its funny.
In relation to the lay out etc I would imagine that will be done for me by those in the know, so to that end any comments on content are important
I will put three more up for review, I don't expect everyone to dance to my tune all weekend but any feed back on content you can offer will give me a clue as to what to show these guys.
Cheers
Stage directions isn't just layout Teddy - it's content. You have to describe everything that happens in a scene. The prose is part of the script too. It should be economical. Less is more is the cliche here. And that holds true to the dialogue to. Cut EVERYTHING out that is extraneous. Put action in. For example with your opening scene have the guy COMING IN waving the tickets - which prompts the comment about Willy Wonka etc, this then would lead onto the discussion of whether he was used or not. This means the dialogue and exposition is coming from action organically. My favourite part of this was the policemen scene... but again you need to trim it right back and punch it right up.
Good luck with the meeting next week.