Euro-English!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. Zanks!

Made me laugh. Is this your own work Stephen?

My dad was sending this around as an email forward years ago. Did you only just get it, Stephen?

To Will: Unfortunately this is not mine. It made me laugh, too, thus the posting.
And to David: Yes, I received it just this a.m. I agree, four years is very slow. Tell your dad to get a faster email service.

Quote: Stephen Birch @ March 23 2011, 11:50 AM GMT

To Will: Unfortunately this is not mine. It made me laugh, too, thus the posting.
And to David: Yes, I received it just this a.m. I agree, four years is very slow. Tell your dad to get a faster email service.

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I suspect you were some way down his list of friends.

Perhaps I'm 'farther' down your father's list than either of us might suspect.

That always makes me laugh when I read it. On the subject of it's age, I remember first reading this when I was at university and I left there In 1996. Internet then was in it's absolute infancy as far as home users were concerned so I recall this joke being passed around on photocopied sheets of A4. It had been copied so many times it seemed difficult to read in places.

Def.

Quote: Deferenz @ March 24 2011, 3:49 PM GMT

That always makes me laugh when I read it. On the subject of it's age, I remember first reading this when I was at university and I left there In 1996. Internet then was in it's absolute infancy as far as home users were concerned so I recall this joke being passed around on photocopied sheets of A4. It had been copied so many times it seemed difficult to read in places.

Def.

View original

Must have been back in the days when Mouseballs was doing the rounds.

Quote: Stephen Birch @ March 23 2011, 12:03 PM GMT

Perhaps I'm 'farther' down your father's list than either of us might suspect.

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Apropos of nothing but your comment reminded me of this:

I'd far rather lather father
Than have father lather me
For whenever father lathers
He lathers rather free.

Terrifying.