Hitler's Car Accident (Sketch)

(Warning, the last sketch I posted was viewed by some as "close to the edge." This sketch does cover such controversial topics as The Holocaust, Anti-Semitism, Fascisim, Car Accidents and the music of Phil Collins)

SCENE 1. INT. INSIDE HITLER’S VOLKSWAGEN POLO - DAY - TRAVELLING

NOTE: IN THIS SKETCH HITLER WONT HAVE A GERMAN ACCENT.

HITLER IS IN HIS TYPICAL FUHRER OUTFIT DRIVING ALONG WITH A CUP OF COSTA COFFEE IN HIS STEERING HAND. HE HAS HIS SEATBELT ON. HE’S LISTENING TO “YOU CAN’T HURRY LOVE” BY PHIL COLLINS. HE IS SINGING ALONG IN A RATHER JOVIAL WAY.

HITLER: (SINGING ALONG)
No, you can’t hurry love. Oh, you’ve just got to wait. Love don’t come easy. It’s a game of give or take.

HITLER TAKES A SIP OF HIS COFFEE. THEN HE STARTS FUMBLING AROUND IN HIS CENTRE CONSOLE, HE GETS A TUBE OF MINTS. HE STARTS FUMBLING TRYING TO OPEN IT WITH HIS FREE HAND, WHILE HE CONTROLS THE STEERING WHEEL WITH HIS WRIST WHILST HE HOLDS HIS COFFEE. HE SQUEEZES THE TOP MINT OFF BUT IT FALLS ON THE FLOOR.

HITLER:
Oh, bollocks.

HITLER LOOKS ON THE FLOOR TO SEE WHERE HE HAS DROPPED THE MINT.
WE HEAR THE SCREECHING OF BREAKS. HITLER IS JILTED FORWARD AS HE HAS BEEN HIT FROM BEHIND. HE PERFORMS AN EMERGENCY STOP. HE SPILLS COFFEE ALL DOWN HIS FRONT.

HITLER:
F**k! Hot! F**k, f**k, hot!

HITLER UNDOES HIS SEATBELT AND GETS OUT OF THE CAR.
CUT TO:

SCENE 2. EXT. OUTSIDE HITLER’S CAR - DAY - CONTINUOUS

HITLER GETS OUT OF HIS CAR AND THROWS HIS NOW EMPTY COFFEE CUP ON THE FLOOR. HE DOESN’T LOOK HAPPY. WE SEE THAT SOMEONE HAS DROVE INTO THE BACK OF HITLER.
BERGSTEIN GETS OUT OF THE CAR THAT HAS JUST DROVE INTO HITLER.
THEY BOTH APPROACH THE POINT OF IMPACT.

HITLER:
What were you playin’ at?

BERGSTEIN:
Me? Did you even have your eyes on the road.

HITLER:
Come off it. You’ve drove right into the back of me.

BERGSTEIN:
Sod off, it was you’re fault. Careless driving.

HITLER:
We’ll see what our insurance companies have to say about it.

BERGSTEIN:
We don’t need to get them involved.

HITLER:
Yes, we do.

BERGSTEIN:
I don’t think it’s needed.

HITLER:
What? Why? This is a brand new car!

BERGSTEIN:
Well I don’t exactly have car insurance.

HITLER:
An uninsured driver. That’s it. What’s your name?

BERGSTEIN:
I’m not comfortable…

HITLER:
What is your name?

BERGSTEIN:
Martin Bergstein.

HITLER:
Bergstein. That’s it. This is the final straw.

HITLER STORMS OFF.

END OF SKETCH

Well, I have to say I enjoyed it a great deal.

At first I thoughtt he final punchline might work better if the sketch was introduced with a card reading: "Vienna, 1906", or something, but then that would serve to make the anachronisms more intrusive, so it wouldn't work at all.

I laughed out loud at the idea of Hitler driving along singing to Phil Collins' cover of 'You Can't Hurry Love'! Volkswagen Polo. Funny.

The idea of having Hitler in a modern day situation is a good idea with plenty of potential. There's a Monty Python sketch called 'North Minehead By-election' which stars Hitler in a modern day situation; it's one of my favourite ever sketches in fact.

It's essential for Hitler to have a German accent. Also the ending wasn't very strong - there's a car crash and the other man involved is Jewish. It's not very inventive and made the sketch fall flat for me. It would be better if Hitler began ranting as if he was doing one of his speeches or mentioned a few things such as "You think that the man who invaded Poland is scared of you?" etc.

I think the point was that it was this trivial incident that caused Hitler to really hate the Jews, etc., i.e. before he invaded Poland, which is why the anachronism was peculiar. In other words, he couldn't say "You think the man that invaded Poland is scared of you..?" - but that's only how I read it. And I found it quite funny.

Why is it essential for Hitler to have a German accent? Why wouldn't it be funny if he was, say, Cockney or Scouse?

Thanks for all your words. Very helpful.

I've shown this to friends before and they were all "Charles, you can't write that, it excuses the work of such a terrible man, by using him in humour" and I disagree while I feel his work has scarred humanity and left some wounds which will never heal due to pure evil, these issues still need to be raised so that his deeds are never repeated...

...he's a c**t though, Phil Collins.

Pff!

Quote: Charles E. Lawley @ December 17, 2007, 4:45 PM

Thanks for all your words. Very helpful.

I've shown this to friends before and they were all "Charles, you can't write that, it excuses the work of such a terrible man, by using him in humour" and I disagree while I feel his work has scarred humanity and left some wounds which will never heal due to pure evil, these issues still need to be raised so that his deeds are never repeated...

...he's a c**t though, Phil Collins.

View original

That's not a problem.

Maybe he could say something about "the final solution".

If Bergstein was an American he could mention:

BERGSTEIN: Sorry, I ran out of gas.

HITLER: Well Bergstein, I might just be able to help you.

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ December 17, 2007, 7:59 PM

If Bergstein was an American he could mention:

BERGSTEIN: Sorry, I ran out of gas.

HITLER: Well Bergstein, I might just be able to help you.

View original

Very good. This is developing well. Dont tell the PC brigade though.

Yes, so much potential!

He could develop the German accent right at the end as well as all the mannerisms.

Quote: James Williams @ December 17, 2007, 4:34 PM

I laughed out loud at the idea of Hitler driving along singing to Phil Collins' cover of 'You Can't Hurry Love'! Volkswagen Polo. Funny.

View original

I adored the absudity of this although this does fall very much into what Freddie Starr was doing at his peak. Hang on, no, I think he's still doing it but nevertheless, putting Hitler into everyday situations still works.

However, as the sketch continued, and because of the way the dialogue was constructed, it came across to me that this wasn't so much Hitler having a prang in his car but more a man dressed as Hitler having a car accident.

There's nothing wrong with this idea but you do need to build from your excellent opening if it's going to sparkle.

Quite Big Train...but then I really liked Big Train.

Damned good old boy.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a Hitler joke (and the Phil Collins bit is inspired) but this is very similar to the Big Train sketch where Hitler is trying to sell Mein Kampf to a Jewish agent and gets rejected.