You don't want any more advice then Terry?
Cottaging Page 2
Oh yes he does,,,,,, this is better than the telly.
I love it!! I enjoyed the story and the characters and it made me laugh, not all the way through but it was still very entertaining. 
Well there has to be moments of sad introspection in a sitcom to make the laughs all the more life affirming BB. Ahem. 
Quite a bit of physical comedy in it hopefully which would cue more laughter in performance I guess. Thanks for the kind words!
Quote: Marc P @ March 19 2011, 9:02 AM GMTWell there has to be moments of sad introspection in a sitcom to make the laughs all the more life affirming BB. Ahem.
Quite a bit of physical comedy in it hopefully which would cue more laughter in performance I guess. Thanks for the kind words!
Yes I meant.....it's not supposed to be laughs all the way through...i.e...sad moments/setting up story etc
Hi Marc. Given some of the foregoing I feel I ought to say this is supposed to be a supportive post. I've read parts but I find it really difficult maintaining concentration reading from a screen and so far I'm enjoying it. I too enjoyed the little nod to Wilson as I knew John.
Again one of the problems that a lot of us have faced in that some of the comedy comes from the performance and it doesn't always quite work on the page. Or the writer is faced with having to overload the script with directions.
The only question I'd have is that you say this is the second episode which is a useful way of getting round any exposition problems but of its nature there's still a bit of setting up of relationships ie Jack and his fixation which we would probably be familiar with from the opener. That said it would be interesting to see where the characters have come from in ep 1 and where they going to by ep 6.
Not sure whether you'll appreciate the analogy but its feels slightly Perry and Croftish. I mean that in a good way in the sense of they created a scenario and then managed to run off at tangents with it so they could do something unrelated with the characters. I liked that you got your background but its not just about a hospital and you're willing to go in different directions.
Kudos to you for putting it up.
Thanks for that KL, very supportive indeed and I know what you mean about the performance aspect and what's on the page. And comparisons to C&P are very welcome! DA is probably my favourite sitcom. Re epsiode 1 - if you want to have a listen you can here
I thought Tanya was very good. It was just a reading from last year's long short list but I edited it slightly to make it kinda radio. By episode six it would be pretty much the same, a status quo set up. It's set in a hospital but it's the support staff driving the narrative so character based - with the ongoing Jack Love/Tanya relationship - a bit like Cheers I guess. If they get together it wouldn't work.
Thanks again
Marc
I found this very good, easy to read with the characters taking shape through the lines as it went along, I liked the pace and it hopped along nicely, also like the title,and interesting setting the scene around a ww2 reenactment as it gives it another dimension, Id like to see more of this.
Cheers Shandonbelle
Quote: Marc P @ March 19 2011, 10:51 AM GMTI thought Tanya was very good.
Yes, you can't beat a bossy woman! She reminded me slightly of the Morwena Banks character in Saxondale. I liked the fallen arches actor too. He was like James Corden before we all got sick of James Corden.
With regards to the Sitcom Mission entry, I liked it, especially the Adams Apple line, but I would have liked to see more made of the bomb. Perhaps introduced it earlier and the story been more about that?
Quote: chipolata @ March 20 2011, 12:45 PM GMTYes, you can't beat a bossy woman! She reminded me slightly of the Morwena Banks character in Saxondale. I liked the fallen arches actor too. He was like James Corden before we all got sick of James Corden.
With regards to the Sitcom Mission entry, I liked it, especially the Adams Apple line, but I would have liked to see more made of the bomb. Perhaps introduced it earlier and the story been more about that?
Cheers CHip, I know what you mean about the bomb, if it were ever filmed I think you;d be right, obviously it would be longer, but the physical business of the bomb I thought would be tricky in this form - so opted to keep it off stage. I'd also include lots more of the entertainment which is also kept offstage for this version. A George Foreman lookalike turning up for example when they had booked a George Formby for the 40's weekend. Glad you liked it
You've piqued my interest, Marc. Has an unexploded bomb ever featured in a sitcom episode before? I can't think of any examples off the top of my head.
Well spotted, what made you think of Dad's Army?
That may be the case but they tend to get hand delivered these days and the bomber often waits to make sure it goes off.
Danger UXB was quite funny, most of the chaps had 'Wife Stealing Mustaches' which was impressive.
Plus the whiff of an ankle from a NAFFI tea girl kept it racy to boot, those where the days.