The Sitcom Mission 2011 Page 94

I remained perplexed as to how to get so much info into 15 minutes and retain the humour?
It seems that putting in depth, back story, scene changes and God knows what else was required, I wish I knew that going into the comp as I am a rank amateur and went with the pretty basic approach of just doing an episode.
I have learned a few positive things since and have cut out my descriptions etc, but at the end of the day I am still unsure as to how so much was done in such a short space of time.
I have no doubt it was done and done to the satisfaction of the judges, what I think would help would be to have a look at a winning entry or perhaps one of last years winners so as to get a handle on it.

I don't think it is as easy as that. There is no magic combination far as I can tell. People like what they like when they see it. Frustrating it is, but I do think it's true. Don't waste time trying to find a comedy holy grail...Write what you think is funny and enjoy it, and hopefully, eventually, one day, with gained provenance, sooner or later, luck, and being there at the right time, the men who sign the cheques will say: Maybe.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ March 18 2011, 8:01 PM GMT

I have put both parts of my script up in order to get a response and I would be grateful if anyone would take the time to have a look and pass any comments on the content, the grammar is apparently on a par with a kidnap letter, but I would love to read what you think about the actual content, I can handle brutal

View original

Well, technically, I don't think it was grammar as much as formatting, and that made it tricky to read and get a sense of the flow. I know it might have seemed petty, but it is something you needed to learn... shame every banged on about it...

Hi all,
i'm a newcomer and have really enjoyed reading all your comments. Re the question of setting up the premise, my sit com is set in an elderly care home(i have a nursing background so decided to write about what I know)and I set myself the challenge of imagining that the viewer should be able to walk into my care home on any day of the week and find something funny going on, and that it should become apparent pretty quickly who was who, and what was what.
I tried hard to ensure that each characters response from the very beginning gave a clear idea of their personality and attitude. Because I'd been scribbling ideas down for over a year, I found it really difficult to hone them down, and I think I tried to cram too many incidents into 15 mins. When I do my re-write I'll be taking just a couple of the ideas from the 15 mins and trying to build on them, rather than giving too many things a quick airing. Might help to bring out the funny and get me onto a longlist one day! As far as titles go, I though I'd come up with a real blinder by calling it 'Home Time' until I found out there had been a sit com on the telly some years ago by that name. I then came up with the less inspired 'Good Innings' but I plan to have fun with coming up with episode titles.
Can I just add that despite the elderly theme, I didn't mention a wheelchair once, honest!

Is that a bit like "Waiting for God?"

watch this space

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ March 19 2011, 7:55 PM GMT

Antrax I don't get your point?

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I haven't looked at your entry but he probably means the way it was laid out wasn't clear as to what was dialogue and what was action. Just a guess.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ March 19 2011, 12:59 PM GMT

I remained perplexed as to how to get so much info into 15 minutes and retain the humour?
It seems that putting in depth, back story, scene changes and God knows what else was required, I wish I knew that going into the comp as I am a rank amateur and went with the pretty basic approach of just doing an episode.
I have learned a few positive things since and have cut out my descriptions etc, but at the end of the day I am still unsure as to how so much was done in such a short space of time.
I have no doubt it was done and done to the satisfaction of the judges, what I think would help would be to have a look at a winning entry or perhaps one of last years winners so as to get a handle on it.

View original

I think that really you shouldn't have to include back story and the idea is there is a limit to the number of scene changes. Mine had more than it should but I felt a lot could be imagined.

Quote: Chappers @ March 19 2011, 7:48 PM GMT

Is that a bit like "Waiting for God?"

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I haven't ever watched it, so I can't compare. ive focused much more on the staff rather than the residents though, I found that came more naturally.

Waiting For God was good, from what I remember. Was more about residents, so should be pretty different to yours.

Quote: PATSYB @ March 19 2011, 9:49 PM GMT

I haven't ever watched it, so I can't compare. ive focused much more on the staff rather than the residents though, I found that came more naturally.

View original

Could be good. As they say Sits keep getting repeated. It's the Com that needs to be original.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ March 19 2011, 12:59 PM GMT

I have learned a few positive things since and have cut out my descriptions etc, but at the end of the day I am still unsure as to how so much was done in such a short space of time.
I have no doubt it was done and done to the satisfaction of the judges, what I think would help would be to have a look at a winning entry or perhaps one of last years winners so as to get a handle on it.

View original

Forget about the winning entries, and look at any episode of Frasier if you want to see how a story is advanced using a limited number of scenes in a relatively short stretch of time.

Just remember. It's dead easy to write. You just have to learn the hard and fast rules and keep re-using tried and tested methods. All sitcoms are pretty much the same and can be interchanged seamlessly so you should have no problem coming up with a winning formula.
You'll have production companies eating out of your hands in no time.

Got to go, sundecks on £30 million quid yachts don't occupy themselves.

I did consider writing a sitcom about unemployed zombies in wheelchairs, but thought with so much discussion about the subject 42 other people might write it, so have thought that mummies (wrapped is best) on disability benefit, racing through town on segways might be funnier.
Thanks for the laughs, even if they weren't mine and the helpful info..

Quote: Declan @ March 19 2011, 9:21 AM GMT

While I'm here, we'll be doing our script recording service on April 16, so if you want a CD recording, let us know before that date.

Cheers, Declan

View original

Are you guys going to be using Laura Evelyn again?
Cheers
Marc

Part 3 of any trilogy sucks

ACT I

Scene 1

INT. OFFICE - DAY

The HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE sits at his desk. SIMON and DECLAN enter.

DECLAN

You wanted to see us?

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Yes, take a seat. Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for a while.

DECLAN takes a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to the HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Dear Mr Hat Trick Executive. Sorry that my son Declan has been unavailable for contact. He was gunned down in the street by a disgruntled writer. Anyway he is all better now. Please make sure he takes his medicine at lunch. Mrs Hill. I see. What about you?

SIMON

I went to hunt down the son of a bitch who did this to my friend.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

(bored)

Really? I'm sure I'm going to regret this but how did that go?

CUT TO

Flashback. Borneo. Panoramic shot of a busy market square. zoom in on a bar.

SIMON

I tracked him down to a bar in Borneo.

CUT TO

Office.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Borneo!

SIMON

Er..Bournemouth?

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Go on.

CUT TO

Flashback. Bournemouth. Interior of a pub. SIMON sits at a bar stool wearing a long coat, cap and sunglasses.

SIMON

(voice over)

I knew he'd be there, I'd watched the place for days.

SEAN enters the pub. Head down. He approaches the bar

SEAN

Bacardi breezer, please?

SIMON

I'll get that. Mate!

Sean

You!

SIMON

(voice over)

He could tell by my eyes I wanted to kill him. Er, despite the fact I was wearing sunglasses. He ran, I followed

SEAN runs for the door. SIMON runs after him

CUT TO

EXT. Busy Market Square. Numerous fruit stalls are dotted throughout the market. Men are carrying large panes of glass. Pianos hang in the air above alleyways

SIMON

(voice over)

He was quick but so was I and he hadn't counted on my Parkour skills.

CUT TO

Office

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Okay, that'll do.

DECLAN

So why did you want to see us?

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

The board are worried, gentlemen. They say there's not enough fresh new ideas for sitcoms. They want to look further afield for inspiration.

SIMON

You mean overseas, Europe?

DECLAN

Not Germany though.

SIMON

Why not?

CUT TO

Flashback. INT. House. Day. DECLANS MUM is in the kitchen folding laundry. YOUNG DECLAN enters wearing his school uniform.

DECLANS MUM

Hello love. How was school?

YOUNG DECLAN

Great, Mum. We had a new teacher.

DECLANS MUM

That's nice. What's his name?

YOUNG DECLAN

Mr Schmidt

DECLANS MUM

Schmidt?!

YOUNG DECLAN

Yeah, he's dead cool. He's teaching us German.

DECLANS MUM

Like hell he is! Your Grandad didn't die in two world wars just so you could learn German.

YOUNG DECLAN

But Mum!

DECLANS MUM

But nothing. I'll write a you note.

CUT TO:

Office

DECLAN

Poor Mr Schmidt

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Not Europe

DECLAN

America?

SIMON

I hope so. I want to see if they're all like the people you see on The Jerry Springer Show you know. (American accent) I'd like to thank Jesus and my Momma..and, and Jesus.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

No. Further

DECLAN

What's further?

CUT TO:

Act II

Scene I

INT. SPACESHIP.

Mission Time 25 Days 17 Hrs. SIMON is sat at a control station. DECLAN enters holding a printout.

SIMON

What did the computer tell you?

DECLAN

Not good. The asteroid knocked out half the port solar panels. We're losing power fast. You better call mission control

SIMON presses a button on a console and the HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE appears on the view screen.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

How's the search going?

SIMON

We've run into a bit of a problem. We're losing power.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

That doesn't sound good.

DECLAN

We need to go outside so we can repair....

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

No, no outside shots. Just shut down the none essential systems while we try to figure something out for you.

DECLAN

Well I've done the figures and we'll be okay if we just shut down the artificial gravity system.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Er, no, don't do that. Just switch off the navigation and heating systems for now.

SIMON

But it's minus 270 degrees outside!

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

You'll be fine. We'll work out how to restore your systems in no time. Control out.

The HAT TRICK executive disappears from the screen.

DECLAN

Did you bring your spare scarf?

SIMON

No!

DECLAN

Schizer!

Scene II

INT. SPACESHIP.

Mission time 25 Days 19 Hours. SIMON and DECLAN are sat at the console. SIMON is wearing a mauve scarf and a wooly hat with little panda ears on. DECLAN is wearing his Homer Simpson boxer shorts on his head.

SIMON

This is ridiculous. Why can't we just put on the spacesuits.

DECLAN

I've already told you. Because...

Mercifully. There is a beeping and the HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE appears on the view screen.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Gentlemen. How are you holding up?

SIMON

Well...

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Excellent! We'll soon have you out of there. I've had the worlds best script writers coming up with ideas. Have you got a pen and paper?

DECLAN

Always!

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Capital! You're going to need the following items. Some gaffer tape, a sock, a piece of flexible hose....

SIMON

Hang on! Isn't this just the stuff they used in Apollo 13.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

No. Er, I've got to go. Another brilliant script writer has had a better idea. Bye

The HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE disappears off the view screen.

DECLAN

We're screwed, aren't we?

SIMON

Come on, we've got out of worse scrapes than this.

DECLAN

Not like this! How did we end up here?

CUT TO

Flashback. EXT. BUS STOP. DAY

SIMON is stood at a bus stop reading a paper DECLAN is stood at the other end. A MAN walks up to SIMON, an unlit cigarette in his hand.

MAN

Alright, mate. Got a light?

SIMON holds up his keys, a small torch dangles off them.

SIMON

Yes, thanks.

MAN

You're dead funny, you.

DECLAN looks up excitedly, the MAN walks off.

CUT TO:

Spaceship

DECLAN

Good times.

There is a beeping and the HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE appears on the view screen.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Gentlemen, the board have decided that one of you can go outside to repair the damaged panels.

DECLAN

Thank God for that

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Mr Wright, suit up. We have an expert on standby to talk you through the repair procedure.

CUT TO:

SCENE III

EXT. SPACESHIP

SIMON dressed in his spacessuit is stood in front of a damaged solar panel. He is speaking to mission control over his radio.

SIMON

Okay, I'm in front of the panel now

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Good, I'm handing you over to the technical expert.

SIMONS DAD

Simon.

SIMON

Dad?

SIMONS DAD

Alright lad. Tell me what you see.

SIMON

It's a solar panel dad, it's all smashed and there are wires everywhere.

SIMONS DAD

Okay son, just tell me what tools you've got with you.

SIMON

I've got a bunch of spanners....

SIMONS DAD

Metric or Imperial?

SIMON

Metric, Dad. This is a high tech spacecraft.

SIMONS DAD

Well I only work in old money, you'll just have to work it out yourself. What else have you got?

SIMON

Some screwdrivers, flat head and philips, before you ask. A bunch of electrical connectors and some pliers.

SIMONS DAD

Where's my drill?

SIMON

What?

SIMONS DAD

My drill. The one you borrowed last month to put that curtain pole up.

SIMON

I didn't bring it with me.

SIMONS DAD

You mean you've lost it!

SIMON

No, it's probably in the cupboard at home.

SIMONS DAD

Probably? I knew it. You never look after anything!

SIMON

Dad!

SIMONS MUM

What's the matter, Gary?

SIMON

He's only gone and lost that drill as well.

SIMONS MUM

It's only a drill, Gary.

SIMONS DAD

Only a drill! I need a drink

SIMON

Dad? Dad?

SIMONS MUM

Your Dad's a bit upset love. Just give him some time to calm down.

SIMON

Time? Mum, we're adrift in deep space and we're freezing to death.

SIMONS MUM

We've all got problems love. Call back later.

CUT TO:

SCENE IV

INT. SPACESHIP

SIMON and DECLAN are stood in front of the console talking.

DECLAN

So what do we do now?

SIMON

Wait for him to calm down. It might take a while though. Declan?

DECLAN

Yeah?

SIMON

Have you found that drill I lent you yet?

DECLAN

I think I threw it out.

SIMON

Why?!

DECLAN

The batteries were flat

There is a sudden clanking noise. SIMON and DECLAN look towards the airlock which is pressurizing. The door opens and a figure is sillouhetted in the doorway.

CUT TO:

ACT III

SCENE I

INT. OFFICE - DAY

The HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE sits at his desk. SIMON and DECLAN are sat opposite him.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

So, the trip turned out to be a success?

DECLAN

Yep, they patched us up and sent us on our way.

SIMON

And we swapped a few script ideas with them

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

Excellent. What did you bring for me?

DECLAN

These are the most successful sitcoms from the planet Barvheen II. Obviously they'll need a little fettling with locations and character names and a few areas where the translator let us down.

HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE

I'm sure we'll manage. Let's hear it then.

SIMON

This is Only Imbeciles and Labour Beasts. D'yahl Malechild Pigfoot dreams of being a millionaire but his entrepeneurial ambitions are hampered by the exploits of his P'yaayal brother Roindark and their uncle Albert.

The HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE bangs his head on the desk

End