My Failure Page 3

With fifteen minutes, a limit on props and an intro, content and then an exit makes it more like a RADA exercise, when I thought it was just an insight into a possible sitcom.
I appreciate your thoughts, but you have to understand that I did not want to get involved in narrative through line equations, I just wanted to see if someting was funny.
As for the reality of a sitcom, I think that a little tiny bit of leeway is allowed if the person wants to be entertained, so you will have to forgive my ignorance.
As for it being a sketch I am more than happy to post the entire thing to show that given 30 minutes the thing evolves enough for the viewer to see that it is an ongoing story and that it has legs.

It's not a Rada exercise though. It was to win a Five thousand pound minimum commission from one of the country's largest and most successful independent comedy producers. Have you ever seen any staged performances of sitcoms? Imagination is what is being demonstrated,independent funny lines outside of a proper construct is not what they were looking for. Did you think it was funny? No leeway is allowed by the way, that is entirely in the gift of the audience. You aren't there to stop them switching channels so you have to let your work hold them.

Teddy.That was very good, I read your profile, If you want a good laugh read the profiles of others. Your're in the wrong market mate,this is the land of dreamers and losers, stacked to the rafters with people who 'know' how to do it, but never have and never will. Trawl through the threads,same ole, same ole faces. I have asked lots of times for a 'know how to' to post something, to show us lot down the bottom of the food chain how it's done.It seems to me the best place to be is, YouTube. PS, try James Cotter, that boy is going places.

Marc I knew their was a prize and believe you me at this present moment five grand would be almost life changing.
That said my method was to write a funny story, first and foremost.
I have no qualifications, no job just a burning desire to write my way out of poverty, so my real aim is to create funny and hope that someone sees the nucleus and decides to help me with the grammar and the construction.

I have seen sitcoms but never a staged production so I am not able to comment.
I can't ask for criticism then moan about it, but for a fifteen minute script I think it was ok,it was naive and it needs polishing but the things you're going on about are the things that I find stifle if not murder comedy, too complex too deep and that eventually creates too boring.

I know my grammar is poor and perhaps that is why my work is treated no better than a red headed step child with a limp, but as a Scouser and an Evertonian I have to be thick skinned and that actually helps me.
If you wanted to cut, paste, amend and repost the script I would be eternally grateful.

That said I will bat on, my grammar and structure don't merit much but I sort of know I write funny and that keeps me going, as I know there must be people who have PHDs in English Language, but couldn't write funny if you give them a broken pen

I thought it was very good. When reading the dialogue I could see the charecters in my head as I went. Keep on with it.

'the things you're going on about are the things that I find stifle if not murder comedy'

Probably not a good idea for me to cut paste and amend etc then.

I guess we are coming from different approaches, and I for one could care less about grammar - but structure is important I think. Especially as you say you wanted to write a story, and one that is funny.

But like you say vive la difference and bonne chance, well alright the French say that. I couldn't write funny if you gave me a broken pen either. Might be able to dictate it.

And like you say Bat on, it's all any of us can do.

Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ March 18 2011, 11:11 AM GMT

Teddy.That was very good, I read your profile, If you want a good laugh read the profiles of others. Your're in the wrong market mate,this is the land of dreamers and losers, stacked to the rafters with people who 'know' how to do it, but never have and never will. Trawl through the threads,same ole, same ole faces. I have asked lots of times for a 'know how to' to post something, to show us lot down the bottom of the food chain how it's done.It seems to me the best place to be is, YouTube. PS, try James Cotter, that boy is going places.

View original

Take a bow sir!

Too many people here are experts in "script formats" and "what the industry wants"...

While the formatting advice is good the first 3 times it is given, it can derail threads into seminars on Script Supervising.

Marc could you at least paste an exert of one of your old ones so I can see where I'm going wrong.

Quote: Teddy Paddalack @ March 18 2011, 11:53 AM GMT

Marc could you at least paste an exert of one of your old ones so I can see where I'm going wrong.

View original

Well I didn't get shortlisted either. I don't know if some of the successful ones from here or last year are up anywhere?

And I guess we write in different styles, a good few people here like what you did so that's good. I am not all interested in format by the way, story structure and formatting are two different things.

You are extremely funny Teddy and I don't think anyone doubts that.
Have a look at this web site, there's a lot of info on there about writing sitcoms.

http://www.robinkelly.btinternet.co.uk/

Perhaps you should put up the whole 30 min sitcom and then we can see the whole storyline.
There are a lot of points to consider when doing sitcom [and mine didn't get selected either] but one is, if you mention something at the beginning, it has to be referred to further in the story or it's pointless mentioning it. That goes for characters too, don't mention your first character, [the customer] if he is not part of the storyline and I know you wrote that to highlight the naff food served but that could have perhaps been mentioned by Evan etc etc....this isn't criticism in effect, I'm trying to give you some insight that sitcom isn't just funny lines, some non funny lines are in too, to set up the story etc.
But there are other points to bear in mind too and on the website I have put here, explains it all
Hope you don't think I am being unkind, because that is not my intention

Not at all Bush Baby, I will get the full one do a bit of editing and post it for a critique no problem.
Thank you for your kind words as well, I'm not looking sympathy or false reviews I just need to get my stuff up to a commercial level that's all.

Teddy, Get a tea chest, stand it on a chair to use as the cafe counter.
Get a mate and act out your script with a camcorder.
Not only is it great crack, you will see stuff you never imagined were there. When perfected, post on YouTube, then ask BCG members to view.
I can visualize that scene in the cafe in Last of the Summer Wine.

Change the heading from My Failure to My Success and good luck.

I come to Liverpool quite often,,, to visit my hubcaps,,,I know, I know.

If formatting allows I'll stick our failed entry up in showcase too
Teddy.

Can't wait.

I guess you'll have to.