An Attempt to redeem myself

A MADCOW production
Townie Wear

Advert on the television, the two models? Are on the street wearing Addidas trainers, Addidas socks (male white socks, female pink socks), a Addidas striped navy top – male, pink jogging top and both wearing baseball caps.

EXT: STREET
Street ally with graffiti on the walls and puddles on the floor. The two models enter the street in the distance with smoke surrounding them.

Narrator: (in an excited voice) It's hip its cool, its 2004 fashion. (Shouts in a deep voice) TOWNIE WEEAAAAR.

The two models come into view, Ben stands and stares at the camera with his head tilted slightly down, while Janine 'rave' dances in the background moving her head a lot but because she has so much hairspray on her hair doesn't move.

Narrator: Look at her go ... (deep voice) TOWNIE WEEAAAAR

The two models swap places, then there is a passer by and Ben punches him in the stomach and starts kicking him in all over while he is on the floor.

Narrator: Not just fashionable but practical, the Addidas trainers won't even scuff. (Deep voice) TOWNIE WEEAAAAR, TOWNIE WEEAAAAR, TOWNIE WEEAAAAR.

Ben walks up to the camera and spits on the floor then puts his arm round Janine as they both hand signal like gangsters.

Narrator: (Shouting very loud and deep) TOWNIE WEEAAAAR

Small letters at the bottom of the screen 'Brought to you by MADCOW Ltd.'

If you do like this please visit my website www.loveofthedark.co.uk

Hmmm sorry Jon S I don't seem to "get" your stuff. Or maybe it isn't funny. Either way, I'm afraid this didn't muster a hint of a smile with me.

Help me out here, Jon S. I know I should be getting 'it' but I just don't know where 'it' is.

AH NOW i think i do get this one, IF i'm right (which will surprise me as i'm always wrong in my house) i think you mean chavs?, maybe and the two models are normal until the chav wear they are wearing rubs off on them and they become chavs so start pointlessly beating up each other and spitting, am i right? please say yes other wise i'll look like a big tit, CORRECTION a even bigger tit.

that sketch was just terrible, i hate how the media latch onto a so called 'new' group in society and then bad comedy writers make equally terrible jokes regarding it...........

Hi lewisroberts

Yep you were right, and as to the dyingtolive comment. I am trying to branch out to all types of comedy with various sketches. I'm hoping (really hoping) that some sketches people will enjoy more than others but the ones that some people don't like others will and vise versa.

For example: On my coming soon page www.loveofthedark.co.uk/coming_soon.html
I am trying a more political approach.

Some sketches will fail some won't, but you guys are a great help and hopefully things can only get better

Oh and I've also decided to try and animate it all, What do you think????

Jon

www.loveofthedark.co.uk

what program you using for animation?

Hi dyingtolive

Just about to try anim8or - I'm a complete novice.

took me 3 hours last night to get a man to walk.

But it's free....

Any suggestions???

Jon

www.loveofthedark.co.uk

Hi Jon

I think I get it but didn't find it that funny. I prefer the darker stuff you posted earlier as it seemed to have a dark thread running through and beyond the sketches. ie dark recurring characters in a longer-running back story. It seemed more original than this sort of stuff and thought it was a better way to go.

Just my thoughts

Dan

I too prefer your darker stuff.

And never apologise for your work, mate. I refer to the title 'Attempt to redeem myself'. No one here has to redeem themselves. We're amongst peers and Comedy is subjective. Some will love it, others hate it. I know you appreciate that idea in the way you've responded to the plus and minus crits. It's a good attitude.

The Slagg Brothers had a USA review once - "stupid british f**ks with dumb ass accents." In the past, it would have crushed me but now The Slaggies plan to use it for gig publicity. I think of it like this. To get broadcast, we Sitcom-ers don't have to persuade a target audience / forum / YouTube that we are competent writers, we only have to persuade one person - the commissioner of your first series.

Cheers guys