Quote: simon wright @ March 14 2011, 9:12 PM GMTI see your train carriage and raise you:
'The opening comes with the end of an intense montage depicting the two characters performing insane stunts and amazing feats; production value is high and the content very flashy.
Contains scenes like crashing cars, running from explosions, fist fighting, supermodels, beautiful locations and elaborate spectacle.'
Again, a few raised eyebrows, wry smiles and 'Tut!'s would convey this perfectly.
This helped me pass the time
ACT I
Scene 1
SIMON sits at his computer sifting through script submissions. He is close to suicide. He opens a script entitled 'wheels of fire' and groans. DECLAN enters wearing a spotty dog costume and pushing a wheelchair containing a JeremyClarkson Effigy.
DECLAN
What are you reading now, Simon?
SIMON
The straw that broke the camels back
DECLAN
That's a rather shrewd title
SIMON
Why do we put ourselves through this?
DECLAN
For the money, Simon. The lovely, lovely money. Leave that for a bit and come and watch telly with me and Jezza
SIMON
Jezza?
Declan
Yeah, check this out!
DECLAN presses a button on the front of the Jeremy Clarkson Effigy
JEZZA
Power!
SIMON
Classy. We can't watch telly, remember what happened last time?
DECLAN
You mean when you fell asleep during the welding scene in Flashdance?
SIMON
No when I let you talk me into watching Hudson Hawk on Betamax
DECLAN
Respect the classix, Dawg!
There is a sound of commotion outside
SIMON
What now?
DECLAN
It'll be the underlings, I told you it was a bad idea waiting til 23:59 to send the email.
SIMON
That was payback for having to read 300 odd couple flatshare scripts where the main characters are called Nick and David
DECLAN
Fair one.
Suddenly the door bursts open. A horde of none speaking zombies move slowly enough into the room for our heroes to continue their dialogue
SIMON
You've got to be kidding me
DECLAN
Woof! Woof, woof, woof!
SIMON
What are you doing?
DECLAN
Zombies don't attack dogs. Did you think I was only wearing this costume for a one off sight gag?
SIMON
Can you concentrate on our tediously inevitable doom?
Even more suddenly a Humvee crashes through the scenery running down several none speaking zombies. FUTURE DECLAN emerges from the drivers seat.
FUTURE DECLAN
Come with me if you want to live
SIMON
Oh come on!
DECLAN
Hat trick are going to lay an egg!
The HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE enters furious
HAT TRICK EXECUTIVE
What's going on? I give you an inch and you take a bloody mile!
DECLAN
The script, it's out of control!
FUTURE DECLAN
Come on, we don't have much time
SIMON
Hang on, where am I?
FUTURE DECLAN
You didn't make it, mate
SIMON
I told you! I told you a million times, don't. mention. the. prize. money.
FUTURE DECLAN steps down from the Humvee and grabs DECLAN
DECLAN
We have to...oh poo!
A paradox occurs which involves lots of prohibitively expensive special effects. The stage is flooded with white light and the cast disappears. Only the Jeremy Clarkson Effigy remains.
JEZZA
All we know is, he's called The Stig!
END
Sounds ace sorry I missed it, I love that story telling phantasmagoria
Well, three glasses of port later and I can still read, type and stand in a corner, juddering. I fear that I shall still be in possession of my faculties when the email arrives. Damn and blast you, oh hardy constitution!
Oh wait...I see a pixie...
Quote: bushbaby @ March 14 2011, 8:25 PM GMTYippee!!! You mean there's someone else that drinks like moi?
I just opened a red
Where's that big feather???
Quote: Griff @ March 14 2011, 9:32 PM GMTDid anybody see The Riddle Of The Sands at the Jermyn Street Theatre last year? That was just two blokes and a suitcase full of props and they managed to stage an entire German U-Boat invasion.
It's the Men In White Coats you want to worry about bushbaby.
Quote: Declan @ March 14 2011, 8:13 PM GMTAnybody want to own up to this one?
Garry rushes Stage Left to Stage Right, and goes off. Tabs open to reveal a train carriage taking up most of the stage
It might be mine. Is it a first or second class carriage?
Anyway, I'm not staying up. The email will still be there come morning and rejection is a dish best eaten with milk and sugar. So may the best 32 men or women (or not sures) win. Good luck all!
Sean Knight
That is hilarious 
Quote: Griff @ March 14 2011, 9:46 PM GMTCome on you comedy writers there's a Newsjack gag deadline tomorrow. Get writing crappy topical puns for a couple of hours and send them off to Auntie Beeb. That'll take your mind off things while Simon and Declan throw 1200 unread scripts down the stairs and pick the 32 that land on top.
Is it still going?
Oh well..
Why did Prince Andy trust Gadaffi's son?
Because he's Saif
Quote: Marc P @ March 14 2011, 9:50 PM GMTWhere's that big feather???
I don't get that one, did I do a 'feather' dance for you at some time? It wouldn't be unknown, I'm as daft as a feather duster
I look away for an hour and FOUR EXTRA PAGES have been added. And it's not going to get better in the 125 minutes.
Mind you is that because, like me, no-one in the real world cares as much as you do about your script? At least on here there's others going through the same wringer of emotions, even if they want yours to fail so theirs can succeed.
Quote: simon wright @ March 14 2011, 9:12 PM GMTContains scenes like crashing cars, running from explosions, fist fighting, supermodels, beautiful locations and elaborate spectacle.'
Don't think he saw our last show.
I read that fast and saw it as 'Fisting Supermodels' 
no blind fold needed for my execution - bring it on!!!
I have drafted an outline for the next project so the evening hasn't been a complete waste.
I take my leave of you ladies and gentlemen until the morrow. There will be an email in the inbox whatever the outcome. Good night and good luck.
Quote: Ash Man @ March 14 2011, 9:56 PM GMTno blind fold needed for my execution - bring it on!!!
Don't forget to spit in their faces and call them goat lovers
Quote: bushbaby @ March 14 2011, 9:53 PM GMTI don't get that one, did I do a 'feather' dance for you at some time?
As in you have opened a bottle of red... well knock me down with a big feather!