A sitcom idea I'm working on.

Evening all, first time poster. I just wanted to ask your opinions on a script that a friend and I have been working on.

Without going into too much detail, it centres on the life of a man of 29 who's in somewhat of a crisis. He still lives with his parents, has little sexual experience and works in a job he find entirely unfulfilling. His problems are compunded by his best friend (for want of a better term) who's a benefit sponging loud mouth. The only silver lining in person 1's life is a girl he's known for years. He's in love with her and she is with him (a real girl next door type figure), but the plot often follows the will they, won't they path. His friend, meanwhile, unintentionally makes the situation very awkward by causing constant embarrassment to them both.

I was just wondering if you guys thought there was a basis for a script here or whether it's too generic to be considered by the bbc or some such other organisation.

Any comments most welcome.

Cheers

Hello and welcome.

The description you've given is very generic but the proof of the pudding is in the actual script. You'd give yourself a better chance by making the pitch a bit more dynamic and unique, though.

It sounds quite good. It also sounds familiar, I can't think of anything like it though, so if it is original, you're off to a good start, because having a character or situation that seems familiar, surely is a good thing? For example Del Boy, to me, seems to have been around forever, so the character is instantly likable.

Still don't know what style of humour you'll write it in though? But as for the idea itself, as a potential viewer, yeah I like it.

Hey, that's my bloody life we're talking about btw.

Well ... almost.

That description could spawn a great comedy or a terrible one, it's how you make it your story. It's very generic because it still needs an angle, that uniqueness that will hook people. Finding that is the hardest part.

Get the characters right first - reasons for conflicts, alliances, fears, likes so that there's plenty of tension. The setting can then be as bland or as surreal as you want to make it (Isn't Lost In Space just a sci-fi remake of The Tempest, after all?). Once the characters are set, plots should begin to suggest themselves from the character dynamics.

Hello Charmer - welcome!

Does it matter if it's not totally original? Reminds me a bit of Sorry but as the others say if it's funny that's the important thing.

Why not post a scene?

I'd run with it sound like it has a great deal of potential its nothing newand clever, but you could add that edge all depends on the characters really

Hi Charmer. what kind of job does this guy have, employment can spawn much great comedy. (Pleses don't say he works in an office)And welcome.

Sounds good to me. By which I mean, it could be good or it could be bloody awful, but at least the premise allows either option. I agree with everyone else here. It does have to be good, though, by which I mean well-written and funny. Any setting is just a springboard, I would say - and a very personal one. "Write about what you know", and all that. If your setting inspires you and you can think of ideas within it easily, and it's fun to write, then the hard bit of composition it over, I reckon.

Quote: charmer @ December 16, 2007, 10:12 PM

Evening all, first time poster. I just wanted to ask your opinions on a script that a friend and I have been working on.

Without going into too much detail, it centres on the life of a man of 29 who's in somewhat of a crisis. He still lives with his parents, has little sexual experience and works in a job he find entirely unfulfilling. His problems are compunded by his best friend (for want of a better term) who's a benefit sponging loud mouth. The only silver lining in person 1's life is a girl he's known for years. He's in love with her and she is with him (a real girl next door type figure), but the plot often follows the will they, won't they path. His friend, meanwhile, unintentionally makes the situation very awkward by causing constant embarrassment to them both.

I was just wondering if you guys thought there was a basis for a script here or whether it's too generic to be considered by the bbc or some such other organisation.

Any comments most welcome.

Cheers

View original

Game on.....

Almost true apart from Samantha Janus being a 'girl next door' type. But yep, agreed.

Nice idea, Charmer. Make sure you know each character as well as you know real people and it's got 'legs'.

Thanks for your comments. I've put a scene down (below). The two characters are Ray and Dan. Dan is responsible, Ray isn't. In this scene Dan has arrived at the hotel where a conference is being held the next day and is shocked to find Ray there.
All comments welcome.

Cheers.

DAN ARRIVES AT HOTEL WHERE CONFERENCE IS BEING HELD. DAN OPENS THE DOOR AND IS SHOCKED TO FIND RAY STOOD THERE.

RAY:
Surprise!

DAN:
What the….?

RAY:
Bet you didn’t expect to see me here.

DAN:
What are you doing here?

RAY:
I just turned up, gave your name and they handed the key right over. Come on, Dan, don’t be like that. Here you go, I’ve saved you a beer from the fridge. Last one too.

DAN:
That’s not a fridge, it’s a minibar. Do you realise how much they cost out of there?

RAY:
Come on, Danny, don’t be like that. How do you get the naughty channels with this doofer?

DAN:
And what the hell are you wearing?

RAY IS WEARING A DRESSING GOWN THAT SAYS ‘HIS’ on it.

RAY:
Argh, well, just getting ready for tonight. We’re gonna hit the bar big style tonight. I’m all ready. I’ve had a shower, a shave and a sh-

DAN OPENS THE BATHROOM DOOR AND IS FORCED BACK BY THE ODOUR.

DAN:
GET OUT!

RAY:
I tell you what, Danny, you go and have a shower and we’ll talk it over.

NEXT SCENE.

DAN IS FINISHED IN THE SHOWER AND THE ONLY DRESSING GOWN IS THE ONE THAT SAYS ‘HERS’ ON IT.

RAY:
I’ve just realised you should have asked for a twin room. I don’t want to be kept awake by your fidgeting.

DAN:
I’m not sharing with you.

RAY:
Well where am I going to sleep.

DAN:
I DON’T CARE! You just turn up here without an invite, without a single care for anyone but yourself. This is my career. You have no respect for it. All you want to do is go out and get drunk? When will you have a care for anyone but yourself Ray?

DAN HAS BEEN TALKING VERY LOUDLY AND THERE’S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR. DAN ANSWERS.

PORTER:
Is everything ok, sir?

DAN:
Yes, it’s fine thanks. Sorry about the noise.

PORTER:
Not a problem, sir. Errrm, room service?

DAN:
No, no thank you we didn’t order anything?

RAY:
Ah excellent, the room service is here. mmmmmmm beef burginion (sp?). Roll it in, squire. Nice one. Smells good does this, Dan. I ordered two cos I thought you'd be hungry after a long drive.

DAN HAS A LOOK OF EXASPERATION. PORTER NOTICES THE HIS AND HERS DRESSING GOWNS AND THE DOUBLE BED. HE BEATS A HASTY RETREAT.

Yeah - it's looking good.

The sponging mate is always good. I've got one in mine.

Quote: David Chapman @ December 17, 2007, 9:35 PM

Yeah - it's looking good.

The sponging mate is always good. I've got one in mine.

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You don't have any mates.

Quote: Leevil @ December 17, 2007, 9:37 PM

You don't have any mates.

View original

No - not real ones. Just in my sitcom.